Check please!

by liberal japonicus

Posted on a friend's facebook, who said he got it from Popbitch

A man in hospital is one of the first to use the new Dyson ventilator.

Doctors say he's picking up nicely.

So a thread for jokes. No politics..... unless it's funny.

Comments

[Snarki, child of Loki]

I *think* I saw a Dyson vacuum in a hardware store last year.

It resembled a dalek.

Now, if I could get an autonomous (Roomba-like) model, with a voice "Exterminate! Exterminate!" I'd be all over that.

[liberal japonicus]

Speaking of humor, which I am now taking like my coffee (is there any way to find a darker roast), if you are not reading Marina Hyde, you really should be

[grumbles]

A conversation elsewhere devolved into COVID-19 pickup lines.

"Girl, are you the last package of toilet paper? 'Cause I want to grab you and keep you all to myself."

"Are you threatening to sue people making emergency parts for respirators? 'Cause you can get discovery of my alleged tort anytime."

etc.

I didn't say they were goo.

[Snarki, child of Loki]

"Girl, are you the last package of toilet paper? 'Cause I want to grab you and keep you all to myself."

That TP joke is just charmin'
Squeezably soft, also too.

[CharlesWT]

So I was checking out my TP, etc. when the cashier told me, "Strip down, facing me." Things had gotten really awkward before I realized that she was talking about my credit card...

[russell]

Charles, LOL, literally.

[hairshirthedonist]

How many bioethicists does it take to change a lightbulb?

[JanieM]

How many bioethicists does it take to change a lightbulb?

Where's Hilzoy when we need her?

(In more ways than one.)

[wj]

Where's Hilzoy when we need her?

Mostly here (for those who haven't kept track).

[wj]

xkcd provides the details
https://xkcd.com/2286/

[bobbyp]

From the facebook.

[Amy]

How many bioethicists does it take to change a lightbulb?

Two. One to change the lightbulb and one to hold a press conference saying Trump did a fantastic job leading the nation in changing lightbulbs.

[Girl from the North Country]

Amy, either a) you don't know what a bioethicist is, or b) this is a meta-joke so brilliant I don't get it. Frankly, neither would surprise me.

[wj]

Another medical take on Trump's COVID response:

The Allergists were in favor of scratching it, but the Dermatologists advised not to make any rash moves.
The Gastroenterologists had sort of a gut feeling about it, but the Neurologists thought the Administration had a lot of nerve.
Meanwhile, Obstetricians felt certain everyone was laboring under a misconception, while the Ophthalmologists considered the idea shortsighted.
Pathologists yelled, "Over my dead body!" while the Pediatricians said, "Oh, grow up!”
The Psychiatrists thought the whole idea was madness, while the Radiologists could see right through it.
Surgeons decided to wash their hands of the whole thing and the Internists claimed it would indeed be a bitter pill to swallow.
The Plastic Surgeons opined that this proposal would "put a whole new face on the matter.”

The Podiatrists thought it was a step forward, but the Urologists were pissed off at the whole idea.
Anesthesiologists thought the whole idea was a gas, and those lofty Cardiologists didn’t have the heart to say no.
In the end, the Proctologists won out, leaving the entire decision up to the assholes in Washington.

[Girl from the North Country]

I think I'm getting Amy's joke! I'm a halfwit!

[CharlesWT]

"How many bioethicists does it take to change a lightbulb? None, they wouldn’t go against the natural order of bulbs burning out. And incandescent bulbs are perfectly acceptable, but these LED bulbs are novel technology which will only ever be affordable to the rich, which will only increase inequality."
immature techno-geek with moral autism

[russell]

It's early morning, and there's a line at the grocery store. Seniors-only shopping hour starts in a few minutes, and the over-60 crowd is queueing up for first crack at toilet paper and eggs.

A younger guy walks across the parking lot and moves toward the front of the line. One of the senior ladies swats at the guy with her cane and yells at him to come back when senior hour is over. A couple of the older guys close ranks and threaten bodily harm, to the best of their ability, if he tries to jump the line.

"If you guys don't let me unlock the door and open up, then nobody's getting anything".

[doretta]

My favorite COVID-related line, lifted from somewhere on the Internet:

Is that hand sanitizer in your pocket or are you just happy to be within six feet of me?

[Snarki, child of Loki]

Just think, in the distant future (assuming there IS one), the jokes and stories and songs of today will be received in much the same way as people now do when they hear the song "Ring around the Rosie"...and are shocked to find that it's about the Great Plague.

[CharlesWT]

So, we're all sixteen again. Gas is cheap. And we're grounded...

[CharlesWT]

So, should we wait until the pandemic is over before filling out the Census?...

[wj]

Nope. The census is the count of the people living in the country as of 1 April. Anybody alive that day gets counted. Anybody who isn't (died or not yet born**) doesn't count.

** "Pro-life" fanatics notwithstanding, unborn children don't count.

[Snarki, child of Loki]

On the basis of public evidence, Megan McArdle doesn't count, also, too.

[CharlesWT]

US hospitals can save you life with cutting edge medicine. And then kill you with faulty patient management.

[CharlesWT]

Wrong thread... :}

[liberal japonicus]

The surgeon general noted that this was Pearl Harbor moment, so I have to assume that Trump is now ordering a bombing raid on Tokyo...

[Jim Parish]

And why not? Do-little could be his presidential epithet.

[cleek]

Tokyo? no, this is the GOP we're talking about. they'd start bombing Tehran.

[wj]

Tokyo? No. Not least because Abe is Trump's kind of boy.

More likely to bomb Berlin, after Merkel has made him look so pathetic. (Although, as cleek notes, those around him ae more likely to argue for Tehran.)