A Good Cat

by Doctor Science

Sneakers

September 1999 - June 15, 2018

We had to say good-bye to Sneakers on Friday. He'd clearly reached the end of the line, he wasn't eating and was down to skin and bones. He had a really good run: more than 18 1/2 years is a full life for a cat, and he had very few illnesses or problems before the last few months. We loved him (especially me), and he loved us (especially me: he knew who was the Maximum Sucker).

There's a service called Lap of Love that sends a vet to your home to euthanize your pet in a comforting environment, so he died with us all around, touching him, resting his head on my hand. The vet was wonderfully kind and gentle with us as well as with Sneakers. She said she now does home euthanasia full-time. We said, "Isn't that awfully hard, emotionally?" but she said, "It's an honor."

We buried Sneakers in the shady back garden and said Kaddish (most rabbis judge that it's inappropriate to say Kaddish for pets, but we tend to agree with those who say the Mourner's Kaddish is, as the name says, for us the mourners, to help us in our grief, not for the soul of the departed.)

I now have to think of what to plant on his grave that the deer won't eat (much). Maybe a Carolina Allspice, one of the new varieties with a guaranteed scent-- we have one on the property already, but it doesn't have much of a smell (it apparently varies from plant to plant for the wild type).

We always had cats while I was growing up--or rather, we always had Cat, because Susu came when I was 2 and died when I was in grad school. There were others, too, over the years, so I was very happy when I moved in with Mister Doctor and got to co-own his cat, Nameless.

Since pregnancy is a kind of organ transplant situation, one thing the body does is turn down the immune system for the duration. When it turns itself back up after the birth, one thing that can happen is that you get new allergies. Nameless was killed by a car a few months after Sprog #1 was born, so I didn't realize I'd become allergic to cats until I visited a multi-cat home and had to leave abruptly, as I felt my windpipe abruptly contract (an experience I do not recommend).

This happened again in a different multi-cat house, so I sadly resigned myself to going through life without the cat my soul cried out for.

In the course of time Sprog #1 started asking for a cat, and I had to say "No, Mommy's allergic." In the further course of time Sprog #2 appeared and grew until Sprog #1 could make her part of the Cat Begging Chorus, which involved singing "Kitty Cat Man" by Beth Marlin, with GREAT emotion:

I started to weaken.

Then, on December 1, 1999, Bastet decided it was time to intervene. It was the first really cold day of the season, and 10-week-old Sneakers showed up at our door, mewing piteously. Our house was next door to a bunch of open, weedy fields, and some "human" (I use the term loosely) had dumped him there to fend for himself. And he did: he found us. We let him in "just until we find who lost him" (though we had a bad suspicion already, pets had been dumped in those fields before). He climbed into my lap, started purring ... and I didn't have an allergic reaction. Some other allergic people eventually did react to him, but as far as I was concerned Sneakers was a hypoallergenic cat.

He was an indoor/outdoor cat for the first 10 years of his life, and reached a rather splendid size:

Here he is when he weighed 15 pounds.

When we moved to a smaller house next to a very busy street he became an all-indoors cat, and he lost weight to become a reasonably svelte 11-12 pounds. He lost the weight, I think, because he spent more of his time in the same room with his humans, so he got out of the habit of asking for food as a way to get company.

For most of his life, he came to me once a day to lie down on his side, me facing him, to tread and purr while I petted his tummy. All the cats I've had before had policies of "no more than 3 seconds of tummy-patting before I SLAY", but Sneakers wanted it to go on until my hand fell asleep.

This was the face that commanded tummy-pets.

He lost interest in this in the last couple of years, but continued to demand head-scritches for which he held my hand in place, as seen in the picture at the top of this post: we called it "Best Boy Has Key Grip".

In the past few years the arthritis in his hip got to be pretty bad, so I bought a low cat-house he could use to jump up and down to our bed. We got a bunch of nice India-print bedspreads (you can see one in the picture at the top; they come from Full Moon Loom) so we could easily change them if he got them messy, and I put a water dish on my bedside table. He basically lived on our bed for the last 2 years or so, which means that every time I go into the bedroom I reflexively look for him and he's not there.

The family will probably make me wait until after Worldcon, but I'm definitely going to want another cat soon. At least one: the question I'm not sure of is whether we should get two of two different ages (one under 3, the other 8 or older) so that when a cat inevitably dies, there's another one to keep me from feeling so bereft.

The big question is: how do I find out whether I'm allergic to a particular shelter cat? Sprog #1 volunteers at a nearby cat shelter, and I can only be inside for about 10 minutes before I start to feel really bad. Sneakers was looked like a completely generic American Shorthair, so I suspect there's probably a cat in the shelter I won't react to much--but how do I spot it against the background allergens? I saw a suggestion online that we might be able to allergen-test-drive a cat for 24 hours before making a decision, but I'm not sure that's really fair to the cat (or me, since we'd have to deep-clean the house if the experiment fails).

Any suggestions? How do you-all deal with the fact that our pets have lives so rich in love, but so much shorter than our own?

Comments

[JanieM]

Lovely post, Doc, and I'm so sorry you've had to say goodbye to Sneakers.

You may know this, and/or it may not be a palatable suggestion, but the folks at www.balloon-juice.com are obsessed with and very knowledgeable about pets. If I had a question like yours about how to figure out if a possible pet is one your allergies will ignore, BJ is the first place I'd go with it. It might be worth writing to them -- they have a contact-the-front-pagers link -- and asking someone to put the question to their commenters. I have seen them chip in to fund transportation for a dog that John Cole rescued to be moved from West Virginia to (IIRC) Michigan. They seem to routinely held connect pets that need new homes with people who can provide them. Etc.

Good luck finding some new buddies.

[Nigel]

Condolences, Dr. S.
We still miss the rescue cat Siamese that used to go for walks with us, and another that would sit on your shoulder as you brushed your teeth...

The hypoallergenic cat is a tough ask, so fate smiled on you with Sneakers:
https://www.smithsonianmag.com/science-nature/theres-no-such-thing-hypoallergenic-cat-180968819/

[liberal japonicus]

Thanks for the post and I'm sorry about Sneakers. I've got 10 mins between classes and I feel like I can write about this without someone asking me a question that I feel I have to answer _right now_. So happy to babble about this.

Idly wondering if you try to get some shedded hair for basically an allergy test, but I see here
http://www.aafa.org/page/pet-dog-cat-allergies.aspx

that the hair is not an allergen, it is other stuff. There are a number of suggestions here which could alleviate it, but not much help if the pet really hits your immune system.

Still, it's a good sign that you aren't having any (or relatively unnoticable) reactions given that Sprog #1 is volunteering at the shelter.

Here in Japan in my neighborhood, people have all sorts of dogs and these articles detail that a bit more.
http://www.businessinsider.com/japan-has-more-registered-pets-than-it-has-children-2014-5

https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2012/jun/08/why-japan-prefers-pets-to-parenthood

Unfortunately, both articles carry that 'those crazy Japanese' rhetoric, and seem to imply that Japanese are making some sort of decision of pet or child. If that were the case, the government could simply outlaw having pets and people would be forced to procreate to entertain themselves, I suppose. So I'd turn the last question on its head and say that I suspect it is 'easier' to deal with because at least we feel some measure of control, whereas with a child, there's a lot less. Obviously, having pets is something that happens in developed countries, and it seems that people in developed countries are, in a sense, demanding that they have more control over their lives. I may be overthinking this though.

[cleek]

so sorry. bleh.

i still haven't sat in the seat i was in when our Tricksey passed away, on my lap, last September. can't even really look at it.

she's under a big oak tree, in the woods just down the hill from the house, with a white rock i engraved with a 't'.

allergies... my understanding, might be a folk tale, is that if you get a cat when it's a kitten then you will grow accustomed to its dander as it grows (and makes more), and lessen your allergic reaction.

[Girl from the North Country]

My condolences too, Doc S. I still think often of my blue Burmese, Ubasti (a slightly incorrect varient of the name Bastet), who I inherited from one of my great loves when he left the country. She was 11 or 12 when I got her although I'd known her most of her life, and she too lived to 18.5. A beautiful and loving creature, dead these many years now but not forgotten. I am probably more of a dog person than a cat person, but they are all living creatures and particularly lovely ones at that. I hope your next cat brings you joy and no allergies.

[J R in WV]

I usually react to a new cat, mostly with an itch and a little rash, no breathing issues. Then after a couple of days, it goes away. So far. Maybe you could have Sprog bring a cat out to your car, and be with the cat there... if no reaction after 30 minutes or an hour, give him/her a try.

Over the past 40 years we have had nearly 20 rescue cats, usually 2-4 at a time. Only 2 right now. Some have been remarkably affectionate. A pair of old toms would compete to sneak into bed to lie across my bald pate at night, to be warm, it worked for both of us! I really miss Rufus and Harvey, they were so sweet, Rufus would walk around the farm with us, just to see what was out there.

Best of luck finding a cat that doesn't set you off. Perhaps an allergist could help with it?

[Countme-a-Demon]

So sorry about Sneakers.

My son's beautiful kitty, Chase, passed on last year. She was 19 as well.

He chose her from a shelter when he was eight years old.

I could measure my life, at least the past 47 years of it, in cats.

Since high school, approximately, I'm three cats old.

I was so much older then, I'm younger than that now.

As to dealing with their loss, da Nile is indeed a river in Egypt, but the swimming, in it's deeper eddies, can be restorative.

Do the backstroke.

I love the idea ..... raised by GftNC ...... of lovers leaving us in possession their pet cat as we stand on a jetty waving goodbye forlornly while their ship disappears over the horizon.

I imagine, perhaps as a New Yorker cartoon, once the ship is out of sight, the cat itself looking up at us and saying: "We'll get over him (or her) in time, I dare say. Besides, I never really like him. I'm more of a cat person myself."

The French Lieutenant's Kitty.

[Doctor Science]

JanieM:

Thank you for the suggestion about Balloon Juice! They've suggested that I go to Petsmart, which has rescue animals but will be a less allergenic environment than a shelter. They also have a room where I can meet a cat one-on-one to evaluate how much I react to it.

[Doctor Science]

Even better, I've now been reminded that there's a rescue org. in my area that ONLY does fosters, so I would meet cats only in homes where they've been living. This will be the best choice, I think.

[wonkie]

I am very sorry for your sadness at this time. He was a lucky cat to be loved by your family.

I don't konw the answer to the first question you ask, but I have an answer to the second one, an answer that applies to me: I get more out of the love than I suffer from the loss. NOt that the loss doesn't hurt like hell. I just think that for me the bigger loss would be to not have loved my animal friends at all. I miss them, but my life would have been incomplete and inadequate without them.

[wonkie]

I am supposed to be allergic to cats. My doctor said I was. I had four cats at the time. I started getting shots which the nurse said was basically essence of vaccum cleaner bag. The idea was to cure othe allergy by shooting me full of cat dander. I dont konw if this is normal treatment. At any rate I stopped taking the time to get the shots since Ithought that I was getting plenty of dander from my four cats. I have no cats now but I voluteer weekly at a cat sanctuary. It takesa bout five minutes of exposure to give my a head ache and clogged sinuses. But I also noticed that after an hour or so of exposure, the sympotoms recede. So I gues I need more cats in my life.

I suspect that people vary a lot in how allergies affect us.

[Kathodus]

What a sweet and sad post, Dr. Science. I'm sorry to hear about your credential, but I'm very happy you gave him a great home. I hope you find your hypoallergenic kitty soon.

[Nigel]

I suspect that people vary a lot in how allergies affect us.

Undoubtedly true.
I have a mildish cat allergy; another family member reacts fairly severely to the same animals.

[hairshirthedonist]

It takesa bout five minutes of exposure to give my a head ache and clogged sinuses. But I also noticed that after an hour or so of exposure, the sympotoms recede.

I used to experience a similar thing, but on a longer time scale. I would visit my mother in Phoenix, where she had a couple of cats. It would take a day or two for me to react, but after three or four days it would mostly go away. I was much younger then, so I don't know what would happen now. (Not that I'd be staying at Mom's place at this point, anyway).

[Chris Carson]

Just got mine back. She is 16 and was wasting away with a liver related problem. She just quit eating and I took her in. Nothing obvious so we tried antibiotics which mostly cured the liver problem but did not get her eating and the wasting continued. Tried a drug called Prednisolone to help with the after effects of the liver problem and she is eating now, after over 2 months of nothing.

I think I got her back. she's actually gaining weight. ;)

[Older]

I have to point out that you never know how long someone is going to live. And if you live long enough, you get to an age where even your children are old. You are going to face this problem and it's not all that different. If you love someone, you love them, cats, dogs, kids, even pet rats.

And we all lose our parents. Unless they lose us.

I am very old, and I have a lot of children, both born and adopted,(and pets). Several of my children have died and several more I have lost to some form of mental illness. To love is to lose, eventually.

[Lurker]

Dr. Science,

Thanks for your moving post, and my belated condolences.

And thanks, liberal japonicus, for putting some order to the comments section. It had become quite an unlikeable place, and commenting was no more fun.

[BigHank53]

So sorry to hear about Sneakers. We had to euthanize one of our girls last year--cancer. Even when you know what's coming it's really hard losing a member of the household.

A few years back we were fostering a rescued feral kitten and our neighbor expressed an interest but "was allergic to some cats" on an apparently random basis. We loaned her the kitten for a day. They already had one cat and so knew what they were doing pet-wise. No reaction = instant home for homeless kitten.

Check your local Craigslist for pets that need new homes due to relocation or deceased owners. Most of those folks will understand that you need to rub the cat on your face before you know if he or she can come live with you, and there won't be the overwhelming environment of a shelter.