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December 19, 2013


Naughty. But I swear, I really, really will make the good-faith effort I promised for that teaching assistant write-up you requested.

Here's some local news, relevant to the season, you might find amusing and/or interesting. (I try to keep Baccus in my Bacchananlia, myself, but I guess that's not strictly associated with "the season.")

HSH - clearly, destructive acts of vandalism against private property is all about keeping Christ in Christmas. To oppose such acts is to become a foot soldier in the WoC.

neither naughty or nice for me, i appear to aging into solid grade-a mediocrity. i'm good with that, i don't think i have either the energy or the taste anymore for the drama that true naughtiness and niceness seems to bring.

we're headed to OH just after christmas day, so some of my wife's cousin's homemade fudge is in my future - chocolate, peanut butter, pistachio, and lemon. we just got the care package from my ex-step-daughters-in-law, who own a truly excellent patisserie in OR, so there are going to be some ridiculously good baked goods as well. my own personal stocking will also probably include some nice bitter chocolate and an artisanal salami.

in my wildest childhood dreams of christmas plunder, i could never have imagined artisanal salami. what a long, strange trip it's been.

in my wife's stocking will be anchovies, pickled asparagus, martini olives stuffed with blue cheese (seems weird to me, but we all have our thing), salt caramels, gift certificates for starbucks and the car wash, and CDs of some new choral music by NY composer David Lang.

i like christmas. i like the saturnalia aspect, the gemutlich german victorian english christmas tree aspect (in smallish doses, anyway), the social whirl lets get together with people we like but only manage to see at the holidays aspect, and the oh-yeah don't forget buried deep down under all of that somewhere emmanuel aspect.

it's a close as we get to magic these days, i'm glad it hasn't been totally FUBAR'd yet. amazingly enough, not even the spectre of a bunch of guys in their boxers playing "jingle bells" with their junk right there on the TV can sour me on it.

i actually kind of like the "war on christmas" stuff, it reminds me of the revolutionary army of the infant jesus from bunuel's obscure object of desire. "the spirit of love and mercy compels me to hate you!". only humans can embrace cognitive dissonance of that magnitude. it's a remarkable achievement, even if it is, in the end, self-defeating.

here we go around the sun again. may blessings somehow be upon us all, regardless of whether we deserve them or not.

I like Christmas in all of its aspects.

I hope the Jersey arsonists know that Saturn too was white and that the flames of Hell won't do much to steel supports.

For that you need the explosives and Sawzalls from hell. Or maybe a winch on the back of a Chevy Silverado from Hell.

Saturn was Italian and removing his visage from billboards could provoke blow back from the Sicilians who claim his daughter Ceres as their own.

You don't wanna mess with Tony Saturnalia.

I understand the Easter Bunny had a rough go of it too back when he tried to wrest Easter away from the Crucifixion and the Resurrection.

He was piebald to boot.

I've been morally ambiguous this year. Although we don't exchange gifts, my wife's family does and I find it surprisingly difficult to come up with suggestions for things to get me; this year I asked for an emergency saw for backpacking and an aerial silks book.

LJ: Tough break on the committee meeting. I empathize, I'll be at work myself. Scheduling family time was just easier the week after Xmas.

Which is one of the things I don't like about holidays, if I may grinch things up a little (only a little! I promise!). Holidays tend to involve a few days off and MANY people that you 'only see during the holidays' resulting in stressful travel, crowded roads, and busy schedules. And, of course, and excuse to put off seeing people other times of the year because 'you'll see them over the holidays'.

All that being said, the season itself still holds magic for me, mostly because it forces me to see the people I don't normally see, and I know I'm the type of person who would turn the 'see them over the holidays' excuse into 'see them next week/month/year/vague future date'. And that's important.

Even the perpetual trolling between the WoC and atheist crowds doesn't dampen the mood. Although the fire seems a little much (also a staggeringly bad way of going about it).

In terms of stockings, I am likely getting a small duffel, suitable for storage in overhead bins of various aircraft. Far better for my typical travel than the overstuffed backpack or overempty rolly-bag I resort to these days.

Reasonably nice, I'm hoping for a cookbook under the tree, gotta return that copy of 660 Curry recipes by tomorrow.

Russell, where in Oregon is your ex-step-daughters-in-law's patisserie? I'm wondering if it's near me, and if I could enjoy some of their excellent treats.

In other questioning, did you mention lemon fudge? Lemon? Really? I must go now and search for recipes.

Hey Older, it's Sweet Life in Eugene OR. Their stuff is outstanding. Best biscuits and gravy in the Willamette Valley, too, or so I'm told by the locals.

And yeah, lemon fudge. It is the bomb.

Reading the comments on the arson story gives me naughty thoughts. A lot try to insinuate that the arson was committed by atheists as a false flag attack to discredit Christians. I was almost surprised not to spot any 9/11 connections being made (I did noz read the whole list though). 'Steel does not burn' should be the perfect truther bait.

Even over here where no one has heard of the WoC, Christ is notably absent from the overwhelming mass of Xmas stuff. Why risk repelling non or otherwise religious customers?

Sounds like I'm not getting my cookbook. Too close to Christmas now to get it, now, and last night my wife was asking me if maybe I wouldn't prefer a new phone instead.

Keeps trying to get me to ditch the 5 year old half-wit I have for a smart phone. I think she's embarrassed by it.

But what's the point in having a smart phone if your vision isn't good enough to take advantage of the "smart" features? You'd think the way I go looking for my reading glasses every time she shows me something on her phone would be some kind of clue.

Russell, thanks! We do get to Eugene every now and then. We'll look for it for lunch on our next visit.

Oh yeah, forgot to mention, I found a host of lemon fudge recipes. Made a note of the likeliest sounding one. I'm totally looking forward to it!

And late Friday, we see a gay marriage ban being overturned, and marriage licenses issued, in another state. Which would be only mildly noteworthy, except that this time the state is Utah. Utah!!!

Naturally that state has filed for a stay -- which is routine whenever a ruling overturns the status quo. But Utah will still see at least a couple of days of gay marriage licenses being granted. The mind boggles.

I enjoy a good rant and THIS is a stemwinder, and I agree with every word, especially the ones that start with "f", so listen at home with earbuds, buds (if you are at work, go ahead and put on the intercom system, for yucks):

And this Tweet, the best ever twerked, and used in the above rant, is a perfect bullseye.

God @TheTweetOfGod

The Duck Dynasty guy who likened homosexuality to bestiality makes a living helping people trick ducks into thinking they want to fuck them.
6:45 PM - 18 Dec 2013

It's about time God started speaking through social media, especially about flirty talk to ducks about begetting and then shooting them.

Sounds like the usual police call at 2am south of the Mason-Dixon, the home of foul values. The north does its part too, men.

Not that He will be believed this time around either, unless He commands some d*ckwad to kill someone, perhaps a loon.

I'm starting to reach a deeper understanding of Daffy Duck's (and Bugs') dilemma in their "relationship" with Elmer Fudd.

Merry Christmas.

Utah also cut homelessness by 70% by offering the homeless free housing.

See, it's not so hard.

Better than dinging a guy's food stamps if he happens to get a heating subsidy, or cutting a family's public assistance if their kid gets C's in school (nothing like a diet to encourage studious behavior, though it worked in the Gulags, so there is that) and maybe making the kids whose families receive public assistance sweep floors in their schools so the janitors can be laid off and go on public assistance and have their foodstamps cut unless their kids are made to sweep floors so more $9.50 an hour janitors can be laid off.

All of these suggestions have been made in recent weeks by vermin who protest the War on Christmas.

Merry Christmas to them!

I wouldn't be surprised if atheists torched their own billboard.

Thing is, if they are caught, at least they won't fall back on the implicating "God made me do it" alibi that the Christians (not to be confused with Christians, at least the ones I know, who are a good sort) would use.

Now the agnostics, like me, might shrug their shoulders under police questioning and concede that although they might have been personally responsible for the torching, God might have had a hand in it, who can say, seeing as how we're not sure and furthermore, we don't have the authority to say.

Plus, God might have had an alibi for where he was that night, maybe taking out Pakistani weddings with drones or something.

"I wouldn't be surprised if atheists torched their own billboard."

Neither would I; Gays doing their own gay bashing, blacks hanging nooses, this sort of thing goes on all over the place. If you empower people who are offended, some of them will make up their own offenses in order to get that power, just as much as insurance leads to people torching their own buildings.

It's important to people whose power comes from being wronged, that they be wronged. If they're not being wronged they'll make it up themselves.

"If they're not being wronged they'll make it up themselves."

I think that's straight from the Sarah Death Palin/FOXNews style book.

Yes, I agree.

The Duck Dynasty fakir is just like Rosa Parks in the empowerment gig.

And Bull Conner was gay, a victim. No wonder he needed those dogs and fire hoses.

And the South shall rise against Marxism again:

Gays doing their own gay bashing, blacks hanging nooses, (bankers hoisting their own effigies from lamp posts-ed),this sort of thing goes on all over the place.

As a society, we should get coal in our stockings.

We can do better.

I usually love Christmas, but this is a weird year. I'm sitting on the couch in front the lovely tree writing a formal complaint to the Bar Association about the City Attorney of Forks who refused to act on evidence, which included at least three dead dogs, of abuse because a friend of the abuser, in his capacity as chair of the county Democratic party, sent an email threatening to end the "working relationship" on "mutual political goals".

Meanwhile, the abuser, after a year of being protected by the Forks authorities, has become the target of multiple lawsuits and investigations by the state Attorney General, He jammed all of the dogs into crates, jammed the crates into a semi truck and left.

That was thirty six hours ago. Supposedly he will release them to a rescue tomorrow, but he has made that claim before. If he doesn't release the soon, they will die.

Merry Christmas.

If you empower people who are offended, some of them will make up their own offenses in order to get that power, just as much as insurance leads to people torching their own buildings.

First, I think what makes people torch their own buildings is greed and an inclination to fraud.

Blaming it on insurance is like blaming bank robberies on banks.

Stupid people! If they'd just keep their money in their mattresses, none of these bank robberies would happen!

But you knew that already, you're one of those "place the blame only on the person who does the act" guys, right?

In any case, it's a highly weird analogy.

To the substance of your point, I think you are unclear on the meaning of the word "offended". Probably also on that of the word "empowered".

Your use of "some" is artful, though. Nice dodge.

Watch this: if we elect a black president, "some people" will buy every gun and stockpile every piece of ammunition they can afford, and spend their days indulging in violent fantasies of all the gays, coloreds, and candy-ass liberals they're going to snuff, because they are freaking paranoid racist chowderheads who, in a sane world, wouldn't be allowed to own a slingshot.

Isn't that right? Aren't there "some people" who are just like that?

But yeah, the big problem we face as a nation are gays pretending to beat themselves up, and blacks manufacturing threats of lynching.

If you want to talk about people whose juice - whose political and social power and influence, whose sense of identity, whose sense of entitlement and due, whose f***ing reason for getting out of bed in the morning - comes from their sense of "being wronged", we are going to end up talking about a lot of people who sound just like you.

Gays lynching themselves could become a phenomenon.

In his own mind, Roger Ailes is crucified on a regular basis but even the reinforced cross and nails fail to hold his weight.

The other day, a seemingly nice lady (oh, they smile, bit believe me, I know what's up) greeted me with "Happy Holidays!" and it was as if someone had violated me from behind without even the courtesy of a reach-around, as if Cossacks had raped my grandmother, as if I was Ted Nugent and a squirrel had shot me with a crossbow directly through the prostate gland, as if I was Larry Kudlow, and the Pope, of all people, mentioned in passing that maybe capitalism could use just a soupcon of softening around the edges, as if my inner Ayn Rand, that inner humorless but horny homunculus, had been questioned by her husband: "Again, a meeting with those cursed Objectivists. Will that fella Brandon be there tonight too? That's three times this week! Why are you wearing that eau de balderdash scent I gave you? For those idolators, I ask you? I would go on, but do you listen, no, you stand there composing reams of mind numbing, preachy monologues in your head while the bruises on your inner thighs turn purple from gripping the Chrysler Building between them in crypto-architectural orgasms of selfie-righteousness."

He goes on and on, my inner Ayn croaks about her loser husband. If it wasn't for his Medicare account, I'd empty a Founders-recommended 100-clip full of ammo into his whining gob and then take out the commie elementary school across the street too and for good measure track down the "Happy Holidays" lady and squat down and give birth to the baby John Galt on her thick-pile carpet that she doesn't deserve because she's not part of the Creators Syndicate.

And then I'd ........ well ... you'll see.

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