To have and have not Friday open thread

by liberal japonicus

Tons and tons of stuff to choose from, so, as is my basic principle, I go for the one with the lowest form of humor. Specifically, this:

The judges declared that the claim regarding their learned friend's allegedly missing testicles could not be regarded as offensive because it had been levelled "in the context of a family dispute". Undaunted, the offended party appealed to Rome where it was argued, on his behalf in a hearing on 26 June, that while it was acceptable to say, for example, "don't break my balls", it was unacceptable to claim that "you don't possess the attributes – in other words, you are worth less than other men."

So an open thread for that. Or you can talk about the movie, and the last scene where Bacall does a little shimmy while walking past Harry Morgan Hoagy Carmichael. Or anything that grabs, err, catches your fancy.

 

Comments

[McKinneyTexas]

I had a testicle case once. An off duty sheriff's deputy was sitting on his sofa, watching television one Saturday morning. Like many of us, he was dressed comfortably for the occasion, clad in elastic waist banded shorts, barefoot and not wearing a shirt. Also, for reasons unclear to me, he had his 45 automatic stuck in his waist band, pointed in the direction of his private parts. Somehow, the pistol fired and, in a feat of marksmanship previously unknown to me, the deputy managed to miss his most important bits and to limit the damage to a .45 of an inch hole in his scrotum and severing the blood vessel to one testicle. Modern medicine was inadequate to the task of saving the testicle, sadly enough.

I never found out what he was watching while caressing his gun.

Count, over to you.

[Countme-In]

I'll try to hit my mark.

I wonder if Lauren Bacall's characters ever attended astronomy conferences?

I mean, if fancy wants to be grabbed, than who's to say a person just shouldn't whistle by putting their lips together and blowing .. er .. exhaling?

Male screenwriters, that's who. ;)

And while we're dropping names, since Barney Fife's name was just dropped into another thread, I kept hoping way back then that Barney would shoot one testicle off with his one bullet allowance all those times he tried to quick draw.

I think he came close one time and it got by the censors.

Both he and Gomer had to be told by Andy to take the business end of a firearm out their mouths, cause they was cogitatin' on sumpin and jus happened to be holding a gun and not payin 'tention..

For you MckT:

As Rick Perry famously said: "I shot a coyote in my pajamas once. But I had to join the Presidential debates to shoot myself in the testicles."

I have to say I've always cringed while watching Westerns when some grizzled tough guy jams his six-gun down the front of his pants without the safety on and aimed right at his TuPac.

Then he jumps on a horse. Man, all that jostling.

Does Wayne La Pierre offer any sage advice on such a move?

Maybe an NRA workshop. Maybe a One-Testicled Gun Owners of America video.

I notice none of these mass-killers carry their automatic weapons with 100-capacity drum clips down the front of their Army Surplus fatiques/ninja suits, though some wag in Texas standing in line at the grocery check-out the other day let slip his pistol (license to carry and be a f8ckup) from his waistband, and accidentally shot himself in the meaty part of his ham and injured a mother and an infant as well, who were probably just minding their own business trying to buy bullet-proof vests with their food stamps.

You can never tell with THOSE people.

The accidental shooter must have been very well trained and law-abiding. He did the right thing too. He ran like hell, perhaps sensing that ambiguity in the law was not going to be on his side, though it is Texas. ;)

Now, gentleman ... and ladies ... we aim at the Kenyan's testicles, not our own. He's the gun-grabber, and he's the target. Those (pointing) are your love nuggets, and those are fer fun.

Maybe if one's privates were given promotions to Major or General, they'd stay in the back lines, out of the line of fire.

I used two happy winky faces, which kind of mellows my harsh.

[Countme-In]

I can't decide whether MckT's testicle-shooting law enforcement officer was supportive of enforcing the letter of the law or interpreting ambiguity and nipping it in the bud.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZLsg0EvZozI

[Countme-In]

A famous Republican speaks the truth:

' "When you are rich, you want a Republican in office," - porn star Jenna Jameson.

The best comment on the statement:

"Romney finally gets a supporter who changes positions as often as he does." '

Cut and pasties from Sullivan.

I would imagine Ms. Jameson will be expecting, and paying dearly for the privilege, Romney's proposed new anti-porn regulations to be written is such a way as to contain many profitable ambiquities for her brand of business, given that Utah is the per capita champ for internet porn hits, though now that the four Romney boys are traveling with their father, the numbers have leveled off.

I don't think he'll raise the marginal tax rate on the money shot.

[Doctor Science]

McK T:

I have to ask -- on what possible grounds were you, a lawyer, involved? Who was suing whom, for what?!? I would think this was a job for pointing and laughing, not for lawyering.

[McKinneyTexas]

I have to ask -- on what possible grounds were you, a lawyer, involved? Who was suing whom, for what?!? I would think this was a job for pointing and laughing, not for lawyering.

The slightly reduced deputy was able to convince a lawyer (a friend of mine, actually) who knew nothing about pistols to file a product liability lawsuit against the manufacturer, whom I defended. When I got in the lawsuit and called my friend to tell him that his client was the best shot in Texas, he had no idea what I was talking about. After I deposed his client, the case went away pretty quickly. I got the pistol.

[Doctor Science]

LOLOLOL. So is it a good pistol?

[Countme-In]

Well, when guns are outlawed, idiots will keep both testicles.

I hope the guy had completed his last Will and Testicle.

It's Friday, and testicle is a funny word.

[McKinneyTexas]

So is it a good pistol?

Actually, yes. A very high quality, well made piece. I gave it to my son a couple of months ago as part of my modified unilateral disarmament program.

when guns are outlawed, idiots will keep both testicles.

True. Had he blown both of them off, it would have been a plus for the gene pool.

[wj]

Somehow, McT's story strikes me as a new level in "evolution in action" stories. But then it's a Friday at the end of a 11 (calendar) day period of 18 hour days. So perhaps my judgement is not what it might be.

[liberal japonicus]

McT, if that is a feature of TX law (if do something stupid with your gun and go to court, it is likely the opposing counsel gets your weapon), that's great, but you must have an armoury the size of some smaller countries.

[McKinneyTexas]

McT, if that is a feature of TX law (if do something stupid with your gun and go to court, it is likely the opposing counsel gets your weapon), that's great, but you must have an armoury the size of some smaller countries.

LOL. It's not a feature of Texas law. My client insisted on offering nuisance money rather than pay the expense of a trial. I told my friend, the lawyer for Mr. Crackshot, that I'd buy the pistol for X dollars if his client would sign a release. My client let me keep the pistol.

[John]

A gun nut goes off half-cocked? I support the right to keep and bear arms, but I have always figured that the folks most vocal about their affection for firearms are compensating for something.

[Brett Bellmore]

And we've always figured people who claim that were projecting...

[Countme-In]

Welp, lj set the bar pretty low with HIS lowest form of humor, and we proceeded to limbo under it with room to spare.

Next round?