Happy Birthday Baby Blogging

by Eric Martin

Today, my son turns 1.  Here's something that I wrote back when he was barely a few weeks old, but didn't have the inkling/courage to publish. 

"My son."

Such a foreign and unfamiliar phrase to have pass my lips, and yet it has now entered my everyday lexicon. His birth has changed what was just an anticipation into something so real that his mere existence in this world, even if not in my presence, is wildly exhilarating. And what a thing is childbirth: an event that, when you are so intimately involved, forces into your consciousness thoughts of your own mortality and also rebirth, of intense fear and serenity, a first time glance into a large part of your parents' lives - a reminder of life's rich dualities and its cyclical, circular shape. Above it all, and overpowering everything around it, love. The deepest and most consuming kind of love I've ever known.

Here, you can see he's a little bit peeved that daddy forgot to get him a cake-sized candle, and had to jerry-rig this clunkier version:

 
Early on he developed a fascination with tooth brushes - he especially likes to brush his with his baby brush (which he practically forced us to get) while I do mine.  Here is the good boy helping his father out.  So thoughtful:

 
The loss of sleep was probably the hardest thing to adjust to.  That, and the tremendous amount of fear and anxiety.  You don't really comprehend that you are responsible for another human being until this tiny little fragile newborn is sleeping in a bassinet next to your bed, and you find yourself waking up not because he's crying, but because he's too quiet, and you want to make sure nothing's wrong.

Sleep is but a distant memory.

 

Comments

[envy]

I dunno, that first picture looks more like someone incredulous about the cake size not matching the candle than the candle size not matching the cake. Just sayin'.

[Hogan]

Many happy returns of the day.

Robert Farley at LGM also wrote about the sleep deprivation issues. My thought at the time was that this is why I have cats: it doesn't take nearly as long to get to the point where, if they don't let you sleep, you can shut them in the basement.

[debbie]

Each of my three brothers felt the same way when their sons were born. They may love their daughters just as much, but each one was pretty much struck dumb at the birth of their son. One even said he felt it was like a religious experience.

[russell]

Sweet.

I'm a step-dad, I met my stepson when he was 11. I can only imagine the mix of joy, love, terror, and delight that has become the warp and woof of your life.

Responsibility for others is where life gets real. IMVHO.

Happy birthday to your boy, he is a beauty.

[wonkie]

I'm normally more attracted to puppies than to kids, but yours is one adorable child.

[hairshirthedonist]

When my son, my first child, was born, it was like God made a fist, bonked me on the top of the head and said, "Do you get it now, dumb ass?"

He came three weeks early and was small. The birth was induced because his abdomen didn't measure enough relative to the rest of his body according to the ultrasound earlier in the day.

After they got him breathing, sucked all the goo out of him, and he started crying, they put him in the basinet with the warming lamp. I went over and started talking to him. He immediately stopped crying and looked right into my eyes, with his eyes wide, sort of ET-looking, as they are when they're first born, especially if they're a little early. I just looked back into his eyes with tears streaming down my face, in a way that they never had before and haven't since. I wasn't exactly crying. I was choked up, but there were no respiratory spasms, just tears running from my eyes.

He wasn't even 6 pounds, and once the rush of the whole experience was over an he had fallen asleep, I became terrified, looking at this tiny, helpless person I loved desperately. It just sort of hit me that it wouldn't take much, that there were relatively minor things that could go wrong and take him away forever.

I had to pretend I was sleeping with my face turned away from my wife for a while until I could pull myself together. Tremendous fear and anxiety, to be sure. That was some intense sh*t.

A few months later, he was a fat, little, happy guy. The bundle of joy. The bouncing baby boy.

Now he's seven, plays soccer, can fully manage the household electronics and tells me I'm "the best dad in the world" when I haven't given him any reason to think I'm an idiot, which seems to be happening more and more often. I think he's on to me.

Outsmart him while you still can, Eric. It won't last. But your sleep will continue to improve, at least until you have more, if you go that route. (Somehow, that sleep thing gets blocked out when you start considering having more kids. It has to be an evolutionary thing.)

He seems like a great kid, Eric. I hope he can somehow avoid that whole Yankee-fan thing. Let me know when he turns two so I can send him a Phillies cap.

[Eric Martin]

Thanks all, as always, for the kind words.

I dunno, that first picture looks more like someone incredulous about the cake size not matching the candle than the candle size not matching the cake. Just sayin'.

I like this better. The wife agrees.

I wasn't exactly crying. I was choked up, but there were no respiratory spasms, just tears running from my eyes.

I know this firsthand.

Outsmart him while you still can, Eric.

This window is fast closing. Usually the other way around already. He's an observer, then a manipulator (in a normatively neutral way) of his environment.

But your sleep will continue to improve, at least until you have more, if you go that route.

That's the plan, Inshallah.

He seems like a great kid, Eric. I hope he can somehow avoid that whole Yankee-fan thing. Let me know when he turns two so I can send him a Phillies cap.

My money's on a rematch this year. Keep in mind, the year and month he was born, the Yanks won the Series. Hard to shake that Karma.

You're just egging for some more Baby with Yankees Gear photos ;)

[McKinneyTexas]

Here, you can see he's a little bit peeved that daddy forgot to get him a cake-sized candle

Or wondering why his cake is on fire.

More generally, parenthood is a grand and strange thing. Ours are 33 and 28, male then female, each bringing their own sense of wonder. Still do, only differently.

[Gary Farber]

MKT: "More generally, parenthood is a grand and strange thing. Ours are 33 and 28, male then female, each bringing their own sense of wonder. Still do, only differently."

I'm impressed that you've accomplished so much at such a young age.

;-) (This is a just kidding! remark.)

Eric, what you wrote was beautiful, as is your son, as is your love.

[Teresa Collins]

Happy Birthday Eric! Love the look on his face. The toothbrush picture is great as well. We got Olivia an electric toothbrush and she actually brushes her own teeth. Love it! Would love to see you guys and have a playdate! Teresa and Dana

[Eric Martin]

Hey Teresa!

Good to hear from you. Next time we come to LA, we'll bring the little guy and they can all get funky together.

[Eric Martin]

Thanks Gary.

[James]

My son was born almost five years ago, and for the first two weeks of his life he breathed with an audible sigh, almost like he was in respiratory distress, and I lost sleep listening to him breathe, worried about what I would do if he were to stop breathing.

After two weeks it went away, and I had to learn to sleep all over again without the reassuring sound of the sigh, letting me know he was OK.

I get poor sleep the nights he joins us in bed, because for some reason he likes to sleep with his feet underneath me.

I get poor sleep the nights I walk him back to bed, feeling guilty for leaving this poor little child alone in the dark.

And, I get the least amount of sleep the nights he sleeps through the night, because I miss him and he isn't here, and I know that one of these nights will end up being the LAST TIME he ever sleeps with us, only we won't know it until the moment is long gone.

[Eric Martin]

James That was beautiful.

[Phil O.]

My daughter was born 10 days after your son. Watching these pictures and reading your stories over the past year, I've seen our own lives reflected. Except my daughter is not obsessed with toothbrushes; she's obsessed with hairbushes and combs (chewing on them, brushing her minimal amount of hair and the hair of anyone close to her, etc).

I know exactly what you mean about checking on him because he's TOO quiet.

Anyhow, happy 1st birthday! Thanks for sharing these thoughts.