by publius
Now that "death panels" have been added to the health coverage bill, the logical question is how to structure them most efficiently. Personally, I hope Obama requires all death panels to be modeled after the Trial of Zod in Superman 2 (begin at 1:30):
As always, I think Star Trek provides us with a model for dealing with all social problems. There was an episode in the original series where two planets were having a war, but rather than deal with the mess and fuss of dropping actual bombs on each other, they'd have a lottery, with the losers going to disintegration chambers.
The extension of this concept to the current health care debate is obvious, so I leave it to others to work out the details.
Posted by: Donald Johnson | August 08, 2009 at 06:16 PM
Considering that at the Al Smith dinner, Obama slipped--er, joked--that's it, joked--and mentioned that he's from Krypton, I'd say his Death Panel will look exactly like the one in the clip.
Someone call Oily Taint, we've got him now!!
Posted by: rob! | August 08, 2009 at 06:28 PM
I think that we should be able to nominate people for the death chamber. Anyone who pisses off a certain number of their neighbors gets the ax. It would do a lot more to improve behavior than gun ownership.
Posted by: wonkie | August 08, 2009 at 07:26 PM
I really prefer this version of the Superman movies.
Posted by: Gary Farber | August 08, 2009 at 07:28 PM
"There was an episode in the original series where two planets were having a war, but rather than deal with the mess and fuss of dropping actual bombs on each other, they'd have a lottery, with the losers going to disintegration chambers."
"A Taste of Armageddon."
But, dude, the guards got to wear these totally funky hats:
And Scotty gets to utter his line: "The best diplomat that I know is a fully-loaded phaser bank."There's another pompous Federation diplomat, who thinks he can settle things by talking! Ha! What does he know?
Of course, the admirals in Star Fleet were typically even more stupid and incompetent.
You couldn't trust a lot of the other starship commanders, either. Altogther, the Federation had a lot of suspiciously incompetent personnel scattered about, if you weren't on a ship that had its own tv show.
Posted by: Gary Farber | August 08, 2009 at 07:39 PM
It's not in the exact spirit of this thread, but I ask a question I have asked before:
Is it not the GOAL of medical progress to make SUICIDE the predominant form of human death?
Seriously: we do research, invent new drugs, implement new therapies, all in order to eliminate deaths due to disease after disease, injury after injury. Progress in eliminating various causes of death is good -- just ask anyone who is "pro-life", never mind anti-"death panels". And progress is relentless -- it feeds on itself. Given enough progress, what will be the only thing left for anyone to die of?
Suicide, of course. Godless, cold-hearted, premeditated suicide. Good Christian centenarians won't have many other ways to get to Heaven. Bummer for them, eh?
--TP
Posted by: Tony P. | August 09, 2009 at 01:06 AM
Well, I imagine the GOP is thinking more along the lines of Alice in Wonderland. First the execution, then the sentence, then the trial. The Dems are, as is generally known, all knaves [add inappropriate tart joke here].
Posted by: Hartmut | August 09, 2009 at 03:51 AM
Tony P.: Given enough progress, what will be the only thing left for anyone to die of?
Presumably there will still be war, hunting accidents, and SUV rollovers.
Posted by: Gromit | August 09, 2009 at 09:33 AM
"Given enough progress, what will be the only thing left for anyone to die of?"
Accident.
Posted by: Gary Farber | August 09, 2009 at 10:15 AM
Of course, it depends upon your definition of "enough progress."
If you accept the hypothesis that with "enough progress," we'll be able to upload and download copies of ourselves, accidents won't matter either, though the philosophy of identity might.
Posted by: Gary Farber | August 09, 2009 at 10:17 AM
Given enough progress, what will be the only thing left for anyone to die of?
falling down stairs
assaulted by bears
wasting away
throw out of the sleigh
choke on a peach
sucked dry by a leach
smother under a rug
done in by a thug
drown in a lake
take lye by mistake
struck with an axe
swallow some tacks
swept out to sea
death by ennui
run through with an awl
trampled in a brawn
sink in a mire
consumed by fire
perish of fits
fly into bits
slip down a drain
squashed under a train
embedded in ice
devoured by mice
head is knocked in
drink too much gin
Posted by: cleek | August 09, 2009 at 11:27 AM
brawn = brawl
Posted by: cleek | August 09, 2009 at 11:27 AM
and leach s.b. leech
Beware the Wuggly Ump.
Posted by: ral | August 09, 2009 at 11:47 AM
Hmm. Maybe Z counts as suicide?
Posted by: ral | August 09, 2009 at 11:49 AM
Well. The Blue Dog is a card in the Fantod Deck.
Posted by: ral | August 09, 2009 at 11:59 AM
Cleek, that was a very Gorey account.
Posted by: Ceri B. | August 09, 2009 at 12:05 PM
Ghastly, even, despite my Crumby spelling.
Posted by: cleek | August 09, 2009 at 01:30 PM
Please to re-size your YouTube publius. It's stealing real estate from recent comments on my browser.
Posted by: Spartacvs | August 09, 2009 at 01:46 PM
cleek, your "falling down stairs" example led me to this amazingly accurate warning about Obama's death panels and their team of enforcers.
Posted by: MaryL | August 09, 2009 at 04:46 PM
I, for one, welcome our new space robot overlords of the death panels.
Posted by: Gary Farber | August 09, 2009 at 05:43 PM
You know, Zod and his buddies were some bad dudes, but I have to feel some sympathy for them. Condemned to spend eternity imprisoned in the grooves of Queen II!!
"I, for one, welcome our new space robot overlords of the death panels."
I'm putting the Roomba on a leash!
Posted by: russell | August 09, 2009 at 07:02 PM
I suggest a half-a-loaf sort of compromise solution, such as keeping the Obama death panels, but having them composed of awesome celebrities, especially now that Paula Abdul is leaving American Idol.
Can anything be more American?
Posted by: Davis X. Machina | August 09, 2009 at 11:39 PM
Gary:
Great find on how Superman should have ended.
Posted by: tgirsch | August 10, 2009 at 12:51 AM
Despite cleek's outstanding poetic efforts and the earnestness of all the diligent posters, clearly this thread is spinning all out of control.
Where the hell is a professional bioethicist when you need her? Chasing after some brightly colored Go Run Amok bird somewhere, I suspect...
Posted by: xanax | August 10, 2009 at 01:21 AM
cleek - very well done. of all of htem, perish by fits actually sounds the darkest to me. drink to much gin would be my preference
Posted by: publius | August 10, 2009 at 02:27 AM
and hopefully that fixes size -- sorry, i was getting ready for classes today and didn't see width issue
Posted by: publius | August 10, 2009 at 02:27 AM
"Great find on how Superman should have ended."
I love that one. I blogged a couple more back here.
I like How Spider-Man 3 Should Have Ended. How The Matrix Should Have Ended. How Lord Of The Rings Should Have Ended.
Posted by: Gary Farber | August 10, 2009 at 02:51 AM
How How It Should Have Ended.com. Quality varies, but a lot are great. How original Star Wars Should Have Ended.
Posted by: Gary Farber | August 10, 2009 at 02:54 AM
"drink too much gin would be my preference"
i'm holding out for death by ennui.
Posted by: cleek | August 10, 2009 at 10:03 AM
While not rhyming, Wikipedia has a list of unusual deaths.
Posted by: liberal japonicus | August 10, 2009 at 10:26 AM