Season's Greetings!

by Eric Martin

"Happy Hollidays" is all well and good for the foot soldiers in the War on Christmas - the canon fodder if you will.  But the Special Forces types, us Atheist Seals, we opt for "Season's Greetings."  "Why?" asks you, the expendable grunt wasting away in the trenches on the front line.  Because, private, while Happy Holidays may in fact serve to sap the resources and manpower of Christmas, it does so by encouraging respect for other faiths and through a spirit of inclusiveness in terms of other religious holidays.

Hence the victory is incomplete.  Season's Greetings, on the other hand, is pure as snow in its secular simplicity.  Like saying "Stupendous Summer" or "Fanciful Fall."  In short, it can effectively be drained of any and all religious connotation.

So it is my friends that while Bill O'Reilly and his Christmas Counterinsurgents are taking aim at the Happy Holidays Horde pushing against them in a frontal assault, we truly perfidious liberals will sneak behind enemy lines with a secret weapon so insidious, so potent as to ensure the final and total victory of...oh, who am I kidding.

Happy Holidays, Season's Greetings and Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good night!

Comments

[The Modesto Kid]

God rest ye merry!

[jonnybutter]

Merry Christmas you godless bastardi!

[Cynic]

"So have a Merry Christmas, Happy Hannukhah, Kwazy Kwanzaa, a tip-top Tet, and a solemn and dignified Ramadan."

-Krusty

[cleek]

Happy Hollandaise!

[OCSteve]

Can't believe you forgot Festivas!

[PoorForm]

Hope all had a good Solstice.

[jrudkis]

How we defeat the Mythists.

With the level of religious indoctrination that had been part of American society since its founding, and the evident attempt by mythists to reintroduce mythology in schools, how have logical people protected their children from losing their minds to religion and forsaking science and reason?

Simply by being American.

For 100 years, the capitalistic society has fought the backward mythists with a myth of their own. In as exceedingly devious play, the capitalists even got the mythists to buy in and pass down the solution, innoculating most of the children of America from going off the religious deep-end. The Solution? Santa Claus.

I know, I know, how can a fairy tale defeat a fairy tale? Simply by having every child in America learn before they are 12 years old that even though they see Santa on TV, they have NASA tracking on the news, even their parents and teachers lie about the fat man, that it is a lie. That society lies. That there is no invisible fairy that can see you when you are sleeping, or awake. Santa is the primary reason that Americans are willing to question authority, not accept "tradition" as a reason, and therefore he releases our innovative abilities at an early, formative age. The revelation of the Santa myth leaves ever American child wondering about the other myths in their lives, whether the Easter Bunny, or Water Walking Carpenters.

The Santa myth is designed to counter the Jesus myth, and gets buy-in from everyone from the media to parents. And it is Santa that will render useless the mindless mythists that want science to bend to their will. Some still fall through the cracks and believe in God even after realizing Santa was a lie, but those are rare and usually not big losses to society. Others pretend to believe because of social benefits (just like your kid thinking that if he doesn't believe, he might get fewer gifts), but don't really buy the myth.

So, when you want to protect your kids from backward thought, put on a Red Suit and go Ho, Ho, Ho. Over time, you will be giving your kids protection against an insidious danger to them and our great country.

[Model 62]

Pleasant winter festivities, citizen.*

----
*Same to you, electroboy.

[hairshirthedonist]

I wish you all Continued Existence. Here's to your Being.

[bedtimeforbonzo]

'Twas the night before Christmas
and all through the Kitty
my new-found friends
read this little ditty.

We bicker, we agree
and we better cite
Or Mr. Farber will
put up a fight.

We laugh and cry
and follow the news
during years
of George Bush blues.

Hilzoy lays it out
Eric, too
and Publius
and so should you.

That means, you,
KCinDC
and tgirsch
or TonyP.

Wither me
This really does reek
Hey,
I'm no cleek!

Or Thullen
Or Big Russ
Or Seb
Or Mr. Yomtov.

Oh,
lj is in Japan
hartmut in his own
far off land.

There's Jes
and JanieM
How good
to be my friend.

We voted
for Barack
Or Hillary
Did we not.

There was Palin
and McCain
But they seemed
so lame.

I'll ask Nell
or dr. ngo
Maybe Anarch
Isn't that so?

john miller
johnnybutter
J. Michael Neal
How 'bout another?

OC Steve keeps
us straight
wonkie, well,
you're first-rate.

We rant
we rave
And, yes,
There's d'd'd'dave.

On mckinneytexas
On jrudkis
Hey, this
ain't no circus.

On DaveC
On Moe Lane
On BrickOvenBill
Yeah, I'm insane.

Merry Christmas to all
and keep reading the Kitty
Go elsewhere?
What a pity.

[cleek]

Happy Life">http://ok-cleek.com/blogs/">Life Day, everyone!

[Ugh]

Happy Life Day, everyone!

Not again!

[Mike Schilling]

You left out Kwanzaa. Racist!

Why, by the way, have we lost the knack of writing Christmas songs? There's really nothing that's become a standard since Jose Feliciano's "Feliz Navidad", and that was almost 40 years ago. I don't mean religious songs, necessarily; "Let it Snow" is a catchy and popular Christmas song, and it's about premarital sex.

[cleek]

Not again!

everyday is Life Day, when i don't have to go to work.

that is the promise of the Tree Of Life.

[Eric Martin]

You left out Kwanzaa. Racist!

I figured Kwanzaa was covered by the Happy Holidays catchall...

[cleek]

very nice, BTFB :)

There's really nothing that's become a standard since Jose Feliciano's "Feliz Navidad", and that was almost 40 years ago

i hear The Waitresses' Christmas Wrapping a lot. that was from the 80s. (they also did "I Know What Boys Like").

[Eric Martin]

And yeah, BTFB, that was masterful.

[Phil]

Why, by the way, have we lost the knack of writing Christmas songs? There's really nothing that's become a standard since Jose Feliciano's "Feliz Navidad", and that was almost 40 years ago.

In addition to cleek's fine suggestion -- and as much as this makes me shudder to admit -- Mariah Carey's "All I Want For Christmas Is You" is not bad. Sounds right at home alongside all the Phil Spector-produced Christmas stuff.

[Ugh]

Why, by the way, have we lost the knack of writing Christmas songs?

Grandma Got Run Over By a Reindeer?

And there's Adam Sandler's Hanukkah song, which I suppose is disqualified, but pretty funny.

[cleek]

also from the 80's, Bob & Doug McKenzie's "12 Days Of Christmas" is a classic. though not completely original, i suppose.

[cleek]

oh... and the South Park guys have a whole CD full of Christmas songs. few of them are safe for work, though.

a SFW cut: A Jew On Christmas.

and the Dreidel Song

[Gary Farber]

"Sounds right at home alongside all the Phil Spector-produced Christmas stuff."

The kid in Love, Actually knocked it out of the park.

[Gary Farber]

Sarah Silverman's seasonal classic is ecumenical.

[KCinDC]

Cleek, I prefer this "Dreidel".

[Ugh]

South Park guys have a whole CD full of Christmas songs

Heh. Merry Fncking Christmas is awesome, as is Cartman singing O Holy Night while Kyle zaps him with a cattle prod.

[bedtimeforbonzo]

On the "newer" scale, I am not sure if this counts a
Christmas "standard" -- although I am sure one can attach a loose definition to that term -- but I find it pulls me in emotionally every time I hear it.

[interloper]

Then there's Fairytale of New York, Pogues, 1987.

[Eric Martin]

Interloper wins.

[bedtimeforbonzo]

Phil: I'll see your Mariah Carey and raise you a Beyonce.

[ral]

An oldie but goodie, Tom Lehrer [intro, song]

[Matthew Ernest]

Another 80's favorite: Christmas in Hollis by Run-D.M.C.

[Nell]

Merry Christmas, btfb! And happy holidays, season's greetings, and best wishes for pleasant winter festivities to all of you, godful and godless.

[cleek]

Go">http://www.boingboing.net/&feature=player_embedded">Go Tell It On The Mountain

[Ugh]

Happy holidays all!

[Bernard Yomtov]

Great work, btfb.

Best wishes to all. Whatever your choice of holiday, may it be a happy one.

(And thanks to ral. I never heard that Lehrer song before).

[magistra]

An hour and a half to 25th December here, I've made the brandy butter (mmm, good!), chiselled out the mince pies from their tin and dressed up a My Little Pony as Santa Claus (don't even ask). So Happy Christmas or other festivities of choice to you whatever your time zone and all the best for today, tomorrow and the days to come.

[Bernard Yomtov]

Another holiday tune from Lehrer.

[Gary Farber]

I was cast in the role of "Tiny Tim" in my 2nd (or 3rd, I forget for sure) grade production of "A Christmas Carol" (which dates me).

I don't celebrate Christmas, and this is now the 4th night of Hannukah, and eve of Festivus, and so on and so on, plus I'm an atheist, but that still doesn't mean I can't flash back, and pipe up (just imagine me around 3 feet tall, with a little paper-mache-wrapped-with-aluminum-foil brace on my leg, and a scarf thrown round my neck) to say in a high-pitched little voice: gawd bless us all! Gawd bless us, eeevverryyone!

Except s p a mmers.

[Gary Farber]

Yesterday was Festivus. Sorry! It's still going! It's a Festivus Miracle!

[Gary Farber]

Another Festivus Miracle!

Minnesota Supremes Shoot Down Crucial Coleman Lawsuit, Making A Franken Win Nearly Certain

[OCSteve]

It's still going! It's

Dude. It goes on until you pin the head of household. That could be a while…

[OCSteve]

Making A Franken Win Nearly Certain

Yeah well… Hmm. Xmas.

OK, I’ll pass.

[betimforbonzo]

Matthew Ernest: My son and I just enjoyed the Run-D.M.C. vid -- had never seen it: cool.

I guess that's the great thing about Christmas and Festivus and all the rest, we can all join in, from Run to Bing.

FWIW, here's my top five X-mas songs:

5. The Temptations' "Silent Night"

4. Tie -- Eartha Kitt's "Santa Baby" and (Danny's favorite) Chuck Berry's "Run, Run Rudolph"

3. Tie -- Burl Ives' "Holly, Jolly Christmas" and Gene Autry's "Here Comes Santa Claus"

2. Bing and Bowie's "Little Drummer Boy"

1. Yes, for me, it has to be -- a true standard if there ever was one: Bing's "White Christmas." The Bingster OWNS this song.

P.S. Thanks for the compliments cleek -- you're blog's photography is consistently terrific -- Eric, Nell and Bernard; and to everyone else, a tip of the hat, for joining in today and throughout the year, my first as a blogger. Did not know I had missed writing until I found ObWi . . . Never had the discipline to write good poetry, but I think hilzoy's post the other day served as inspiration. Speaking of hilzoy -- since we haven't heard from her -- I suspect she may be traveling; so be safe, hil, as well as everyone else: 2009 will hopefully bring peace and some prosperity to us all.

[Gary Farber]

Aww, no, Steve, it isn't a good holiday without a spirited (friendly) argument!

(Besides, I'm having my traditional Christmas [and every week] attack of feeling sad and lonely.)

What's wrong with Al Franken, anyway? At least he'll be the funniest Senator.

[Bernard Yomtov]

At least [Franken will] be the funniest Senator.

If you only count those who intend to be funny that's probably right.

[OCSteve]

Gary: Aww, no, Steve, it isn't a good holiday without a spirited (friendly) argument!

Aww, not tonight Gary. For tonight, I’ll just say thank you for kicking my butt all year. You have taught me a ton. I think you are great. I know I give you crap, but in the end I always appreciate your feedback.

For tonight, I just want to wish you a great holiday however you celebrate it. I want you to know that I appreciate your contribution here, and I generally enjoy sparring with you.

You are a fantastic asset to ObWi.

And I consider you my friend. Part of that is smacking me up side the head when I am wrong.

[Gary Farber]

I'm hoping Senator Franken and Congressman Barney Frank can do press conferences together as "Franken and Frank."

[ThatLeftTurnInABQ]

I'm hoping Senator Franken and Congressman Barney Frank can do press conferences together as "Franken and Frank."

Surely we can find some semi-qualified pol from NY or IL named Stein to make it Franken-Stein.

Great poem btfb, BTW!

Holiday omens are looking good so far this year - I managed to light all of our several dozen luminaria without the traditional sub-zero temperatures and 28 mph winds which normally make this something of an ordeal. I credit Obama for calming the weather by uniting cold fronts and warm fronts in the spirit of harmony and unity ;->

Only one more chore is left: putting out dessert tamales (cinnamon and anise flavored) and a shot of Patron Anejo for Saint Nicholas (hey, the reindeer do all the driving anyway).

Merry Xmas and other oblique axis of Earth's rotation associated holidays to everybody! Peace on Earth and good will to Lizard People!

[Bernard Yomtov]

Surely we can find some semi-qualified pol from NY or IL named Stein to make it Franken-Stein.

I can't find a Stein, but there are two Young's.

[bedtimeforbonzo]

Just got home from a pretty cool Christmas Eve party with two other families, all of Russian heritage, and very, very nice.

The Cold War painted these people as, well, cold -- and, even in their own country, on the outside, they do indeed seem that way, but get to know them, be so honored to break bread with them in their homes, and you won't find a warmer, more giving tribe.

Watch out, though, dinners tend to be accompanied by many toasts: in the homeland, it is, of course, vodka, but here in the States, it is -- and this is heavily influenced by the women, who tend to know better -- wine.

I was never much of a wine drinker until I met Olga, who loves a glass once or twice a week with dinner. It used to be Merlot -- too dry for me -- and now we both enjoy Pino Noir or a Cabernet Sav; you can find some pretty good bottles for under $10, like "Smoking Loon."

Anyhow, Danny -- who had been playing with the YouTube at the party since all of the other kids were under 5 -- dragged us down to the computer: Our friends gave him some tiny device called a Lyric and he was dying to show us its various capabilities, downloading, etc; at 10, he knows way more about this tech stuff than I.

Now we will head upstairs -- the party at least tuckered the kid out to the point where he will be asleep within the hour. So will Olga, two glasses of wine gets her relaxed: three or four like tonight, and it's lights out. That means I'll play Santa and treat myself to some, with apologies to Perry Como, homebaked apple pie.

It's amazing how something as seemingly impersonal as the internet can bring so many disparate folks together, but much credit for that in this case goes to hilzoy, Eric and publius and all of the other keepers of the ObWi flame. Wanted to get everybody in my little poem but, as in the case of some names like ObWi favorite ThatLeftTurninABQ and fellow Phillies fan hairshirthedontist (been meaning to ask him about that moniker), rhyming on a self-imposed deadline didn't turn out to be so easy.

Good night.

[Gary Farber]

"Just got home from a pretty cool Christmas Eve party with two other families, all of Russian heritage, and very, very nice.

The Cold War painted these people as, well, cold"

Huh? In my experience of American literature and movies, Russians were always painted as warm-hearted, singing, deeply emotional, drunks.

Germans were painted as cold. Russians were always painted as deeply emotional. Enemies during the cold war, but emotional enemies. Slobbery, even.

Hell, American literature and movies paint Britons as far colder than Russians.

See, say, even something as recent and popular as The Hunt For Red October.

[Tony P.]

Merry Christmas, folks. It's hard to express how much enjoyment all of you, posters and commenters alike, have brought me this year. So, just ... thanks!

--TP

[wonkie]

BTFBonzo--I love your funny poem!

I've been stranded for several days--my car is in a snowbank. So no work, no Christmas baking, no volunteer dog walking, but lots of snowmen. Anyway i hope veryone has a great time doing whatever it is you do. I love Christmas ans intend to wallow in a great protracted fbinge of present unwrapping, drinking and eating tomorrow. Have fun, everyone!

[Gary Farber]

I'm dithering around, sorry there's no one to talk to, trying to work up interest in a movie or computer game, or a bit of reading, feeling lonely and wishing I had a friend here, or someone else to talk to, and that sort of thing, myself. :-(

Merry Christmas and happy holidays to everyone else having them!

[Gary Farber]

"I've been stranded for several days--my car is in a snowbank."

That sounds a bit dramatic. Tell us more.

[Gary Farber]

I'm really looking forward to seeing this, by the way.

More here.

I have no connection with these folks. I just like what I've seen.

[Mike Schilling]

Drat it, Rep. Tom Davis of Virginia just retired, or there could have been more Al Franken & Tom Davis shows.

[Hartmut]

Iä Cthulhu! A very scary solstice for everybeing!
I can only recommend the two CDs by the HPLHS with Cthulhufied carols and other christmas songs*.
http://www.cthulhulives.org/Solstice/
(I also did some myself like 'Shaggy the Shoggoth [was a protoplasmic ball]' or 'O come O come Nyarlathotep')

*they claim to have caroled with some of those songs in public with few actually noticing the 'slightly' altered texts ;-)

[jonnybutter]

Appreciate the name-check bedtime. Not being one of the true pillars around here, I don't quite feel worthy...

Thanks to everyone - posters and equally brilliant commentors - for ObWi!

[bedtimeforbonzo]

Hey, everybody here contributes in their own, johnnyb.

Even him.

[ThatLeftTurnInABQ]

btfb,

Thanks for the mention. Considering that my nom de plume rhymes with "turkey", perhaps not being immortalized in free verse was the better outcome!

;-)

[bedtimeforbonzo]

ThatLeftTurninABQ: The "turkey" rhyme did not come to mind; guess because we do ham -- always way too turkeyed out after Thanksgiving.

Here's to wonkie and all the others who got snow this year -- and, from the sound of it, way too much: Take it away, Mr. Silky Smooth -- Dean-o!

Now it's time for more pie. Thanksgiving seems more of a time for chowing down on "real" food.

The best Christmas food, for me: sweets!

And that means pie, wonderful pie.

Anybody else eating way too much pie?

[bedtimeforbonzo]

All Christmassed and pied out; back to work in a mere eight hours.

Here's hoping things stay merry and bright for a while -- or should I say, merrier and brighter: We are counting on you Barack Obama; and you, us.

And Happy Holidays, my main man, Joe -- Delaware's loss is the nation's gain.

Good night.

[Suzii]

Axial tilt: It's the reason for the seasons.

[bedtimeforbonzo]

"Minnesota Supremes Shoot Down Crucial Coleman Lawsuit, Making A Franken Win Nearly Certain"

Can it be so?

Now that would really piss the right off -- hey, "we" lost the Big One in '04 (Gore v. Bush).

We're due.

Anybody got an update?

[jonnybutter]

Hey, everybody here contributes in their own, johnnyb.

Even [the Grinch]

Um...thanks...I think....

[tgirsch]

You people are way too nice. You need Christmas classics like Christmas At Ground Zero, or The Night Santa Went Crazy.

Then again, I'm just morbid that way. :)

The first video is really worth watching for all the ludicrous old CD* footage...

* Before CD meant "Compact Disc"

[tgirsch]

Also, as far as I'm concerned, Santa Claus and His Old Lady is absolutely a holiday standard, even if not a song, per se.

[bedtimeforbonzo]

"Um . . . thanks . . . I think . . ."

Hey, johnnyb, I was trying to implement a little holiday whimsy, writing humor not being my strong suit. (I've always believed actors when they say comedy is much more challenging than drama. In the same vein, that's why I appreciate good snark, it being executed well, I think, about 50 percent of the time -- unless you're as skilled as Johnny "Be Bad" Thullen, who seems to nail it 99 percent of the time.)

Actually, I've always had a soft spot for Mr. Grinch: He did, after all, come through in the end:)

(P.S. Slow day at the dealership. Coming to work this morning, it seemed like a sleepy Sunday -- no one was on the roads. Friday is my 9-5 day but I usually stay until 7 o'clock in hopes of picking up a deal. But it's been Silent Nightishly quiet -- obviously, it's a big return day at the malls -- so I'm heading home "early" to challenge my wife and son at some wii games; this being a family game, it will be without beer, cleek -- but I'd love to challenge you to a game of beer-inspired bowling if I ever make it to North Carolina; from the look of the pictures on your site NC is a fabulous, peaceful place to summer. I'll bring the beer -- Yuengling for me and, sorry, but I forgot your beer of choice. Cheers!)

[jonnybutter]

Hey, johnnyb, I was trying to implement a little holiday whimsy

me too. but I forgot the ; )

[Hartmut]

And a bit of caroling ;-)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1ftld7Ohojg>Carol of the Old Ones

[bedtimeforbonzo]

Eric:

Thanks to your Raiders, my Eagles are in the playoffs! Well, we did have to go on and beat the Cowboys after that -- let's just say that was NO problem. (Poor Romo, T.O. and the rest of the 'Boys.)

But without the Raiders' big upset win it would have been for naught.

Russell had finally been showing signs of life. Still . . .

Did not see that one coming.

Is the NFL great or what?

The Eagles and their fans all over this land will be making a special toast to the Silver-and-Black on New Year's Eve: "With much gratitude for your '08 gift, hope it will give you an '09 lift."

Cheers!

[Eric Martin]

Yeah BTFB, I felt a strange pride in watching the Raiders win. Knocking Gruden and the Bucs out was icing of a tasty variety.

Russell is finally showing signs of adjustment to the NFL. I knew it would take a few seasons, so his slow progress is not upsetting to me. In fact, he'll need next year too most likely. In his defense, breaking into the NFL in Oakland these past few seasons would not be easy for anyone.

Now the question is will McFadden actually elevate his play to match his draft day selection?

With Bush and Fargas, that could be a formidable ground attack.

[bedtimeforbonzo]

"In his defense, breaking into the NFL in Oakland these past few seasons would not be easy for anyone."

Yeah, Oakland under the current-day version of Al Davis -- versus the trailblazer who "just won, baby" -- has not been a place you'd want to break in a young quarterback.

So you never know: Russell has a vast amount of natural talent, just like Vince Young in Tennessee.

First chance I've had to check the tubes today (we've actually been busy; for some reason, the week after Christmas usually is) since I posted above and left a remark on hilzoy's Israel thread -- which I see has been quite a lively discussion -- but I see it hasn't been a good day for NFL coaches of underachieving teams: namely, Eric Mangini (thought he might survive, but the Favre acquisition proved to be his undoing, accelerating expectations) and Romeo Crennel (who was obviously a goner).

Who's next?

I'd be shocked if Wade Phillips survives after Sunday's meltdown. Can't see Dick Jauron getting a reprieve -- or Marvin Lewis. And if I'd owned the Chiefs, I would not bring back Herman Edwards -- but they seem to be OK with him.

Wonder if Tom Cable will stick as the Oakland head coach after yesterday's stunner in his interim finale. Again, you never know what Al Davis is thinking (he might bring back Art Shell for a third term -- lol).

Finally, Bush was a beast yesterday!

Where was that all season?