Oh Noes! Girl Preznits!!!

by hilzoy

Via Pam's House Blend, WorldNetDaily brings us How Hillary Will Lead America To Hell. It starts with a question of vital importance to the patriarchy nation:

"The president is like the father of a big family, and who he is and what he is – his spirit – affects everyone, like the sun. It's a radiant energy that directly shines on people. Presidents invisibly shape the character and worldview of the country, with a particularly profound effect upon the young, since they are the most impressionable. (...)

So ask yourself: If Hillary Clinton – widely recognized as a pathologically lying chameleon for whom nothing is sacred but her own aggrandizement – becomes the "father of our country," just what sort of "radiant" effect do you suppose she'll have on America?"

Our national Daddy is a Girl?????? A Chameleon Girl?????????

Just in case your imagination is frozen in terror at the very thought, WorldNetDaily helpfully lays out the implications for you:

"Just reflect, for a moment, on the bizarre and seemingly inexplicable behaviors of young people we see right now – youths Tasering each other for fun on YouTube. Ubiquitous sexual debauchery at younger and younger ages. The mainstreaming of transgenderism. [Ed. note: OH NO NOT THAT!!!] Body piercing and tattooing at an ever-more pathological level – tongues, lips, eyebrows, deep body parts. Pandemic gang activity and drug abuse. Witchcraft. Satanism. Suicide. (...)

That's the insanity we've got now – despite having a basically decent, if very flawed, man in the White House.

But try to imagine Hillary Clinton as president – and Bill as first lady. The toxic cultural/governmental environment would be almost beyond imagination with the elevation of "the queen of darkness" as "father of our country."

You could expect a radical increase in shocking, self-destructive and criminal acting-out by lost souls lashing out blindly in a desperate expression of revenge toward the contemptible society that could dare elect such a person as president. Perhaps a huge upsurge in mass shootings, such as we've seen recently. Or maybe more "bug-chasing" – that's where people actively try to get infected with AIDS. Maybe homegrown suicide bombers committing horrific terrorist acts – not for Allah, but just for kicks, for non-specific revenge against the human race. No one can say what form it will take, but expect more and more weird, destructive behaviors designed for maximum shock.

Of course, nobody would be able to prove any cause and effect. But remember these words: Elevating a person like Hillary Clinton to the presidency of the United States will unleash hell in America in a way very few of us can even comprehend, let alone remedy."

NOOOO!!!!!

Just don't say that WorldNetDaily didn't warn you.

Comments

[Incertus]

Was that the article next to the one on Bat-Boy claiming that Bill Clinton was his father?

[dirge]

The president is like the father of a big family, and who he is and what he is – his spirit – affects everyone, like the sun. It's a radiant energy that directly shines on people.

They appear to have mistranslated what must have been "Louis XIV, the Sun King" in the original French, as "The president" here.

[hilzoy]

I should also note this gem:

"A few weeks ago, Obama was doing some handshake campaigning in a diner in Indiana when the establishment’s proprietor offered him a cup of coffee. When word got out that Obama declined and asked for some orange juice, the media took this as another sign of the candidate’s elitism or lack of common touch.

But that read doesn’t sit quite right. After all, Hillary looked preposterous when she tried to prove her working class credentials through choice of beverage. Yet there was something off about Obama’s response. Watching him sulk around this week, slightly traumatized by the betrayal of a father figure, I realized what the diner incident was: it was childish. The switch from juice to coffee is a rite of adulthood. It’s not that Obama seemed to hold himself above the coffee drinkers. It’s that he seemed to lag behind them. He’s still on fruit juice while the adults are sipping bitter and bracing coffee."

Yep: the fact that Obama ordered orange juice now has deep significance.

[John Thullen]

Well, this is just more of the condoms-and-butt-plugs-ornamenting-the-White-House-Xmas-tree crap from the far Right zealots, who despite covering their ears and eyes and rushing about in mock panic at the thought of 1960s Clintonista decadence and debauchery let loose, seem to have peeked and heard more than they let on .....

..... considering they seem so conversant with all the methods by which we awful liberals seem to get off. (How come the fun has escaped me?)

The difference, of course, is that these sorry creatures wear their butt-plugs at all times, underneath their clothing, to church, and prescinct meetings, and while giving right-wing microphones a durn good tongue-lashing.

If Obama wins the primary, expect grim intonings about daishickis and shades being required uniforms for the Secret Service, black power fists raised at the National Prayer Breakfast, and inevitably, white girls fleeing, while clutching the top buttons of their blouses, sinister groups of black men.

WorldNetDaily: what Osama Bin Laden reads to confirm his hateamerica jones on.

[dutchmarbel]

You forgot to mention that Hillary Clintons alledged failure at giving a nice BJ is actually responsible for the end of the world. The real gem is in the comments (by the author):

I wouldn't normally have raised this aspect of her private life but Hillary's failure to 'keep the dog on the porch', as the famous Arkansas phrase puts it, had this not then caused, or partly caused Monica, the impeachment, Karl Rove's 'morality politics', Gore's loss, Bush's win and, by global warming, the end of the world; like the length of Cleopatra's nose it's been, as it turns out, a big factor in everything that followed including a million deaths in Iraq and therefore probably worth noting by historians like me.

[hilzoy]

dutch: Dear God. I hadn't had the heart to read the comments.

Last time I checked, infidelity didn't always have much to do with, um, what one might call quality comparison...

[Robert McClelland]

All I can say about this is, for the love of god Mr. Funt, show me where the camera is hidden.

[zoe from pittsburgh]

They're decrying the piercing of "deep body parts"??

Sounds like the author thinks that people are piercing their spleens or something.

It's an odd laundry list of cultural complaints and the author seems strangely unaware that ALL of these things-- piercing, sex, youtube, etc.-- either blossomed or persisted under "Daddy Bush."

[Adam]

Hahahaha

For the first time in a while, I see the silver lining to a Clinton Presidency.

"Human sacrifice, dogs and cats living together... mass hysteria!"

[Reinder]

I love it. It's the Fisher King Theory of Modern Democratic Governance. One for the "Are they even capable of rational thought?" files.

[russell]

Of course, nobody would be able to prove any cause and effect.

Classic.

What really disturbs me is how normal Kupelian looks in his byline photo. I wonder how many people are walking around every day with this kind of stuff in their head.

It's like living in a weird zombie nation.

Thanks -

[Much to ponder]

When it's 2011 and you step off your front porch to get a quick deep-body-part piercing before intentionally contracting AIDS from the neighborhood satanist, and an agnostic suicide bomber tasers you on YouTube, you'll know who to blame.

Will Hillary denounce and reject the pathological tattoo artists on whose support her candidacy so clearly rests??

[Adam]

Also, for posterity's sake, here's Dr. Peter Venkman briefly and aptly explaining the raison d'etre for all of modern politics: "If I'm wrong, nothing happens! We go to jail -- peacefully, quietly. We'll enjoy it! But if I'm right, and we can stop this thing... Lenny, you will have saved the lives of millions of registered voters."

[Bruce Baugh]

Genesis' "Land of Confusion" is about as relevant as ever. Also Men at Work's "It's a Mistake" and Planet P Project's "Behind the Barrier".

[Jay C]

IIJM, or does anyone else find that the following extract from the WND's anti-Hillary rant moving more towards the vaguely truly-scary, rather than the merely ludicrous/laughable:

You could expect a radical increase in shocking, self-destructive and criminal acting-out by lost souls lashing out blindly in a desperate expression of revenge toward the contemptible society that could dare elect such a person as president. Perhaps a huge upsurge in mass shootings, such as we've seen recently.

Moralistic babblements about the "degeneracy" of society have, of course, been a staple of political preachments since whenever, but I find the implicit pre-emptive excusal of violence to be just a tad more disturbing than usual: even though hilzoy's silly-kitten pictures DO provide just the right framing for nonsense like this.

[Brick Oven Bill]

I’m a big fan of the Bible. Not in the sense that we should stone adulterers, or that we are all God’s children with identical plastic learning organs inside our heads. But in the sense that the Bible consists of stories and lessons, written by smart men thousands of years ago, that have survived societies’ editing efforts through the millennia.

The Book of Isaiah is recommended for your consideration. It implies that when women are in charge, bad things happen. The lesson that I think he was trying to teach was that matriarchal societies are inherently weaker that patriarchal societies, and that a female in charge is a sign of an underlying group weakness.

I think there is something to what Isaiah was saying. Does anybody think Western idealism is on the march throughout the world? Freedom is in retreat and is being replaced by either Islamic theocracies or free-market dictatorships. Since 1920, our modern electorate has made $70 trillion in empty promises to themselves and burdened the next generation with unpayable debts. It is unsustainable.

Isaiah describes decadence (body piercings, ankle bracelets, fancy clothes, uppity girls, etc), followed by devastation, followed by purification and re-birth. I think he describes a universal recurring societal dynamic.

I bought two McDonalds hamburgers on the way back from the store this afternoon. They cost $1.93. I handed the morbidly obese guy at the register $1.95 and he asked me if I wanted my pennies. I said yes.

[Turbulence]

You know, if you associate primarily with normal human beings, it is easy to forget that the world is full of people who lack the intellectual and emotional maturity to relate in ways beyond parent/child, master/slave, or deity/believer. I guess if you're really ignorant about how the world works, then it makes sense to assume that powerful people (and power is always clearly visible) control every aspect of society with their mind control...or maybe it just means you have a mental illness.

[Turbulence]

I'm a big fan of the Bible. Not in the sense of stoning people I don't like, but in the sense that it shows how for thousands of years, smart men have perverted the will of God, have used His name to advance their own petty and pathetic ends, have lied, stolen, and murdered on a vast scale -- and those are mostly the good guys. The Bible helps me remember that we are all flawed, that the winners often write history, and that we're going to look really stupid to future generations, so we might as well get a headstart and recognize our stupidity today.

On the other hand, since wars have been fought over the smallest details of Biblical exegesis and since most Christian denominations hate each other, it would be beyond stupid of me to assume that my interpretations of scripture are authoritative or should be accepted by many people. I mean, I think my wife is the most amazing and beautiful woman on Earth, but I'd be real prick if I believed that everyone should share that opinion, now wouldn't I?

I bought a sausage-egg-and-cheese sandwich at Starbucks this morning. It cost $3.07 and I paid $3.10. The nice woman behind the counter asked if I wanted pennies but I said no, because I was on my way to the gym and I hate having loose change rattling in my pocket when running. I don't drink coffee, but I started occasionally going to Starbucks because they employ a mentally retarded man doing clean up and that's the sort of business decision I want to encourage. Also, I once had a cupcake there and fell in love, but they haven't had cupcakes in a long while. Life is so hard.

I can't imagine why my stream of consciousness ramblings on religious texts and fast food purchases might edify anyone, but I figured if Bill was willing to make the effort, there must be some benefit. Turns out I was wrong.

[felix culpa]

Oh, I’m SO glad someone’s finally spoken out!

I see those people walking past my house every day.

And they’re SMILING!

I just know they’re planning something.

Everyone is going to DIE!

Sticky stinky poo poo.

Thus saith the prophet.

And soon on a moonless night while greasy shadows slither and crawl among the mists and the neighborhood is shrouded in smoke from the satanist pyre, they’re going to come over the back fence with glazed eyes blood dripping from their pierced flesh crazy on some homosexual drug and break into the garage and steal my pony! My beautiful pink flying unicorn pony and roast it on their pyre and EAT it all UP! Mommy! Mommy? Oh no! What have you done to my mommy? Daddy! Daddy? OH NO!
(faints)
(FADE TO BLACK)

[felix culpa]

Turb. you’re wrong. It was not for naught. You made me smile.
Most welcome.
Splendid.
Thanks.

[dutchmarbel]

dutch: Dear God. I hadn't had the heart to read the comments.

Yeah, at least your souce was a right wing nutter. The bloke I linked to is leaning left and quite in love with Obama...

[Ugh]

Dammit, Adam beat me to the Ghostbusters reference.

[hilzoy]

Dutch: ah. I somehow thought you meant in the comments to the piece I wrote about, and after reading what I took to be your excerpt, I had even less desire to read them than before.

Anyone who says that is unhinged.

[felix culpa]

Re Jay C’s choice of quote, as a professional zombie (did I say this? Resident Evil: Apocalypse, Lead City Hall Zombie #2?) sounds like unto a place I’d feel right at home.

And OCSteve thinks I’m on acid!

[DonBoy]

You're all misreading it; Hillary Clinton is going to go back in time and become George Washington, and then it'll be like Planet of the Apes, only with ladies.

[Adam]

Ugh: I'm glad I'm not the only one who thought of that line. Bill Murray's delivery is just so perfect there -- every time I hear a bit of political hysteria, I just want to shout, "dogs and cats, living together -- mass hysteria!"

[Johnny Pez]

I for one welcome our new transgender overlords.

[John Spragge]

Couple of comments:

1) It appears from reading this, um, highly colourful account that the attitude of certain, um, enthusiastic right wingers to Ronald Reagan has gone from beatification to outright deification.

2) When I read that treating Gay men and Lesbians like other human beings, piercings, and so on has brought us us to the ultimate brink of depravity, I remembered (not for the first time) the slave narrative of master who impregnated one (at least of his slaves) then auctioned the resulting daughter off when her resemblance to him got embarrassing. What do you have to pierce to reach the level of people who fought one of the bloodiest wars in history to keep the right of masters to sell off their own children like cattle?

[Ben Alpers]

Replace George Washington?!?

That would be a disaster! I heard that motherf*****r had, like, thirty goddamn dicks!

[Phoebe]

I guess the crazies still hate her. And Sullivan wants her to be vp:
http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/comment/columnists/andrew_sullivan/article3866584.ece

[Hartmut]

Well, at least at last there is a consent that Hillary not Bill is the actual Antichrist (there were some disputes about that in religious circles).
---
Don't these WASPs know that their ancestors were quite fond of bodypainting and tattoos when they battled those elitist effeminate Romans (not sure about piercings)?
---
Not all ruling women in the Bible are depicted as bad (Judge Deborah, the Queen of Sheba, Kandake to name just the first names coming to mind). [snark] Of course Eph.5 and Tim.9 invalidate all of that [/snark]

[Cernig]

Hey, if you're going to have a heirogamous between the King and his Land, at least Bill got the traditional ritual observances right.

Maybe that's why America is becoming The Wasteland - Dubya didn't do the necessary in the Oval Office.

Does this mean Obama will have to send his knights off on a quest for the Holy Grail? I hear those French folk can be damnedly insulting.

Regards, C

[hilzoy]

From Matt Y's comment thread, more WorldNetDaily (from a couple of months ago). It begins:

"Nov. 20, 2010

To the Resistance:

I'm writing this letter from prison, where I've been since the beginning of 2010. Since Hillary was elected in '08, Christian persecution in America has gotten even worse than we predicted."

This will keep me smiling all day.

[Anonymouse]

It seems someone has been reading Lakoff...

"An elephant?!? Where?!?"

[John Thullen]

" ...(uppity girls, etc), followed by devastation, ....."

He who has not been devastated has not lived.

True, unrequieted devastation seems sweeter. I'm for abstinence-based devastation. Just say no, maybe.

Yes, my love, I will pour your bath. Tell me what to do, because I'm hoping there is devastation in it for me. Talk down to me, or up to me, but talk to me.

One of the nice things (in the secret, non-actuating chambers of the heart, natch) about the physical changes in the eyes as the clock ticks, is that devastation seems a little blurry when you spot it across a crowded room.

If the crowded room you squint across is your bedroom, then your bedroom is too crowded.

[John Thullen]

Monica is to WorldNetDaily conservatives as Helen is to the Achaeans;

The face that launched a thousand shits.

[felix culpa]

As one who knows devastation in his hopes of happy hierogamy I can attest that the taste of precious bodily female fluids is far surpassed by the taste of dust filling the cardinal orifices (taking no note here of orifeces).

Although it might be a relevant category when considering WND.

Say, do you suppose WMD was getting confused with WND as being available on the streets of Baghdad? I can see how that might merit invasion.

[ajay]

America doesn't need a President to lead them; America needs a President who projects leadership. America doesn't need a President who's honest with his country; America needs a President who's honest with his wife. America doesn't need a President with a firm grasp of policy and a commitment to serving his country; America needs a President with the appearance of irrepressible optimism and Wholesome Heartland Values. America doesn't need a capable wartime President; America needs a President who makes himself look like war.

And President Bush has done a magnificent job of that. Indeed, he's even started a couple of them. Remember, it's not the President's job to finish or win wars - that falls into the lower realm of policy. But within the realm of Strength - or the apprearance of Strength - it is the Strong Leader who charges boldly into wars, undaunted by the humdrum webs of "post-war planning" and laborious "coalition-building" called for by "sensitive" policy-makers.

The job of the President of the United States is to forcefully emote the conscious and unconscious will of the American People. He is not the commander-in-chief. He is the Happy Warrior. He is the Priest-Avatar of the State.

http://fafblog.blogspot.com/2004_08_15_fafblog_archive.html

And top marks for the Fisher King reference. Someone really should try to get Bush into a poker game. Anyone know if he plays Assumption?