Andy Olmsted

by hilzoy

Andrew Olmsted, who also posted here as G'Kar, was killed yesterday in Iraq. Andy gave me a post to publish in the event of his death; the last revisions to it were made in July.

Andy was a wonderful person: decent, honorable, generous, principled, courageous, sweet, and very funny. The world has a horrible hole in it that nothing can fill. I'm glad Andy -- generous as always -- wrote something for me to publish now, since I have no words at all. Beyond: Andy, I will miss you.

My thoughts are with his wife, his parents, and his brother and sister.

What follows is Andy's post: a bit here; the rest below the fold. [UPDATE: I'm adding links to Andy's last post at his Rocky Mountain News blogs, from about a week ago, where friends and family are expressing support in comments; to an article from yesterday that I believe is about his death; and to a post he wrote on his reasons for going to Iraq last June.]

[FURTHER UPDATE: Somehow, I thought that given Andy's wish that his death not be politicized, people would refrain from political rants. Most of you have, for which I thank you. Anyone who does not respect his wishes, in this thread, will have his or her comment deleted. I am disemvowelling the one that has already appeared. END FURTHER UPDATE.]

***

"I am leaving this message for you because it appears I must leave sooner than I intended. I would have preferred to say this in person, but since I cannot, let me say it here."
G'Kar, Babylon 5

"Only the dead have seen the end of war."
Plato*

This is an entry I would have preferred not to have published, but there are limits to what we can control in life, and apparently I have passed one of those limits. And so, like G'Kar, I must say here what I would much prefer to say in person. I want to thank hilzoy for putting it up for me. It's not easy asking anyone to do something for you in the event of your death, and it is a testament to her quality that she didn't hesitate to accept the charge. As with many bloggers, I have a disgustingly large ego, and so I just couldn't bear the thought of not being able to have the last word if the need arose. Perhaps I take that further than most, I don't know. I hope so. It's frightening to think there are many people as neurotic as I am in the world. In any case, since I won't get another chance to say what I think, I wanted to take advantage of this opportunity. Such as it is.

"When some people die, it's time to be sad. But when other people die, like really evil people, or the Irish, it's time to celebrate."
Jimmy Bender, "Greg the Bunny"

"And maybe now it's your turn
To die kicking some ass."
Freedom Isn't Free, Team America

What I don't want this to be is a chance for me, or anyone else, to be maudlin. I'm dead. That sucks, at least for me and my family and friends. But all the tears in the world aren't going to bring me back, so I would prefer that people remember the good things about me rather than mourning my loss. (If it turns out a specific number of tears will, in fact, bring me back to life, then by all means, break out the onions.) I had a pretty good life, as I noted above. Sure, all things being equal I would have preferred to have more time, but I have no business complaining with all the good fortune I've enjoyed in my life. So if you're up for that, put on a little 80s music (preferably vintage 1980-1984), grab a Coke and have a drink with me. If you have it, throw 'Freedom Isn't Free' from the Team America soundtrack in; if you can't laugh at that song, I think you need to lighten up a little. I'm dead, but if you're reading this, you're not, so take a moment to enjoy that happy fact.

[continued below the fold]

"Our thoughts form the universe. They always matter."
Citizen G'Kar, Babylon 5

Believe it or not, one of the things I will miss most is not being able to blog any longer. The ability to put my thoughts on (virtual) paper and put them where people can read and respond to them has been marvelous, even if most people who have read my writings haven't agreed with them. If there is any hope for the long term success of democracy, it will be if people agree to listen to and try to understand their political opponents rather than simply seeking to crush them. While the blogosphere has its share of partisans, there are some awfully smart people making excellent arguments out there as well, and I know I have learned quite a bit since I began blogging. I flatter myself I may have made a good argument or two as well; if I didn't, please don't tell me. It has been a great five-plus years. I got to meet a lot of people who are way smarter than me, including such luminaries as Virginia Postrel and her husband Stephen (speaking strictly from a 'improving the species' perspective, it's tragic those two don't have kids, because they're both scary smart.), the estimable hilzoy and Sebastian of Obsidian Wings, Jeff Goldstein and Stephen Green, the men who consistently frustrated me with their mix of wit and wisdom I could never match, and I've no doubt left out a number of people to whom I apologize. Bottom line: if I got the chance to meet you through blogging, I enjoyed it. I'm only sorry I couldn't meet more of you. In particular I'd like to thank Jim Henley, who while we've never met has been a true comrade, whose words have taught me and whose support has been of great personal value to me. I would very much have enjoyed meeting Jim.

Blogging put me in touch with an inordinate number of smart people, an exhilarating if humbling experience. When I was young, I was smart, but the older I got, the more I realized just how dumb I was in comparison to truly smart people. But, to my credit, I think, I was at least smart enough to pay attention to the people with real brains and even occasionally learn something from them. It has been joy and a pleasure having the opportunity to do this.

"It's not fair."
"No. It's not. Death never is."
Captain John Sheridan and Dr. Stephen Franklin, Babylon 5

"They didn't even dig him a decent grave."
"Well, it's not how you're buried. It's how you're remembered."
Cimarron and Wil Andersen, The Cowboys

I suppose I should speak to the circumstances of my death. It would be nice to believe that I died leading men in battle, preferably saving their lives at the cost of my own. More likely I was caught by a marksman or an IED. But if there is an afterlife, I'm telling anyone who asks that I went down surrounded by hundreds of insurgents defending a village composed solely of innocent women and children. It'll be our little secret, ok?

I do ask (not that I'm in a position to enforce this) that no one try to use my death to further their political purposes. I went to Iraq and did what I did for my reasons, not yours. My life isn't a chit to be used to bludgeon people to silence on either side. If you think the U.S. should stay in Iraq, don't drag me into it by claiming that somehow my death demands us staying in Iraq. If you think the U.S. ought to get out tomorrow, don't cite my name as an example of someone's life who was wasted by our mission in Iraq. I have my own opinions about what we should do about Iraq, but since I'm not around to expound on them I'd prefer others not try and use me as some kind of moral capital to support a position I probably didn't support. Further, this is tough enough on my family without their having to see my picture being used in some rally or my name being cited for some political purpose. You can fight political battles without hurting my family, and I'd prefer that you did so.

On a similar note, while you're free to think whatever you like about my life and death, if you think I wasted my life, I'll tell you you're wrong. We're all going to die of something. I died doing a job I loved. When your time comes, I hope you are as fortunate as I was.

"What an idiot! What a loser!"
Chaz Reingold, Wedding Crashers

"Oh and I don't want to die for you, but if dying's asked of me;
I'll bear that cross with honor, 'cause freedom don't come free."
American Soldier, Toby Keith

Those who know me through my writings on the Internet over the past five-plus years probably have wondered at times about my chosen profession. While I am not a Libertarian, I certainly hold strongly individualistic beliefs. Yet I have spent my life in a profession that is not generally known for rugged individualism. Worse, I volunteered to return to active duty knowing that the choice would almost certainly lead me to Iraq. The simple explanation might be that I was simply stupid, and certainly I make no bones about having done some dumb things in my life, but I don't think this can be chalked up to stupidity. Maybe I was inconsistent in my beliefs; there are few people who adhere religiously to the doctrines of their chosen philosophy, whatever that may be. But I don't think that was the case in this instance either.

As passionate as I am about personal freedom, I don't buy the claims of anarchists that humanity would be just fine without any government at all. There are too many people in the world who believe that they know best how people should live their lives, and many of them are more than willing to use force to impose those beliefs on others. A world without government simply wouldn't last very long; as soon as it was established, strongmen would immediately spring up to establish their fiefdoms. So there is a need for government to protect the people's rights. And one of the fundamental tools to do that is an army that can prevent outside agencies from imposing their rules on a society. A lot of people will protest that argument by noting that the people we are fighting in Iraq are unlikely to threaten the rights of the average American. That's certainly true; while our enemies would certainly like to wreak great levels of havoc on our society, the fact is they're not likely to succeed. But that doesn't mean there isn't still a need for an army (setting aside debates regarding whether ours is the right size at the moment). Americans are fortunate that we don't have to worry too much about people coming to try and overthrow us, but part of the reason we don't have to worry about that is because we have an army that is stopping anyone who would try.

Soldiers cannot have the option of opting out of missions because they don't agree with them: that violates the social contract. The duly-elected American government decided to go to war in Iraq. (Even if you maintain President Bush was not properly elected, Congress voted for war as well.) As a soldier, I have a duty to obey the orders of the President of the United States as long as they are Constitutional. I can no more opt out of missions I disagree with than I can ignore laws I think are improper. I do not consider it a violation of my individual rights to have gone to Iraq on orders because I raised my right hand and volunteered to join the army. Whether or not this mission was a good one, my participation in it was an affirmation of something I consider quite necessary to society. So if nothing else, I gave my life for a pretty important principle; I can (if you'll pardon the pun) live with that.

"It's all so brief, isn't it? A typical human lifespan is almost a hundred years. But it's barely a second compared to what's out there. It wouldn't be so bad if life didn't take so long to figure out. Seems you just start to get it right, and then...it's over."
Dr. Stephen Franklin, Babylon 5

I wish I could say I'd at least started to get it right. Although, in my defense, I think I batted a solid .250 or so. Not a superstar, but at least able to play in the big leagues. I'm afraid I can't really offer any deep secrets or wisdom. I lived my life better than some, worse than others, and I like to think that the world was a little better off for my having been here. Not very much, but then, few of us are destined to make more than a tiny dent in history's Green Monster. I would be lying if I didn't admit I would have liked to have done more, but it's a bit too late for that now, eh? The bottom line, for me, is that I think I can look back at my life and at least see a few areas where I may have made a tiny difference, and massive ego aside, that's probably not too bad.

"The flame also reminds us that life is precious. As each flame is unique; when it goes out, it's gone forever. There will never be another quite like it."
Ambassador Delenn, Babylon 5

I write this in part, admittedly, because I would like to think that there's at least a little something out there to remember me by. Granted, this site will eventually vanish, being ephemeral in a very real sense of the word, but at least for a time it can serve as a tiny record of my contributions to the world. But on a larger scale, for those who knew me well enough to be saddened by my death, especially for those who haven't known anyone else lost to this war, perhaps my death can serve as a small reminder of the costs of war. Regardless of the merits of this war, or of any war, I think that many of us in America have forgotten that war means death and suffering in wholesale lots. A decision that for most of us in America was academic, whether or not to go to war in Iraq, had very real consequences for hundreds of thousands of people. Yet I was as guilty as anyone of minimizing those very real consequences in lieu of a cold discussion of theoretical merits of war and peace. Now I'm facing some very real consequences of that decision; who says life doesn't have a sense of humor?

But for those who knew me and feel this pain, I think it's a good thing to realize that this pain has been felt by thousands and thousands (probably millions, actually) of other people all over the world. That is part of the cost of war, any war, no matter how justified. If everyone who feels this pain keeps that in mind the next time we have to decide whether or not war is a good idea, perhaps it will help us to make a more informed decision. Because it is pretty clear that the average American would not have supported the Iraq War had they known the costs going in. I am far too cynical to believe that any future debate over war will be any less vitriolic or emotional, but perhaps a few more people will realize just what those costs can be the next time.

This may be a contradiction of my above call to keep politics out of my death, but I hope not. Sometimes going to war is the right idea. I think we've drawn that line too far in the direction of war rather than peace, but I'm a soldier and I know that sometimes you have to fight if you're to hold onto what you hold dear. But in making that decision, I believe we understate the costs of war; when we make the decision to fight, we make the decision to kill, and that means lives and families destroyed. Mine now falls into that category; the next time the question of war or peace comes up, if you knew me at least you can understand a bit more just what it is you're deciding to do, and whether or not those costs are worth it.

"This is true love. You think this happens every day?"
Westley, The Princess Bride

"Good night, my love, the brightest star in my sky."
John Sheridan, Babylon 5

This is the hardest part. While I certainly have no desire to die, at this point I no longer have any worries. That is not true of the woman who made my life something to enjoy rather than something merely to survive. She put up with all of my faults, and they are myriad, she endured separations again and again...I cannot imagine being more fortunate in love than I have been with Amanda. Now she has to go on without me, and while a cynic might observe she's better off, I know that this is a terrible burden I have placed on her, and I would give almost anything if she would not have to bear it. It seems that is not an option. I cannot imagine anything more painful than that, and if there is an afterlife, this is a pain I'll bear forever.

I wasn't the greatest husband. I could have done so much more, a realization that, as it so often does, comes too late to matter. But I cherished every day I was married to Amanda. When everything else in my life seemed dark, she was always there to light the darkness. It is difficult to imagine my life being worth living without her having been in it. I hope and pray that she goes on without me and enjoys her life as much as she deserves. I can think of no one more deserving of happiness than her.

"I will see you again, in the place where no shadows fall."
Ambassador Delenn, Babylon 5

I don't know if there is an afterlife; I tend to doubt it, to be perfectly honest. But if there is any way possible, Amanda, then I will live up to Delenn's words, somehow, some way. I love you.

***

[UPDATE, by hilzoy: this thread has well over a thousand comments, and I'm beginning to wonder whether the software can handle it. I've opened another thread here; please write your comments there, rather than here. Thanks.]

Comments

[Peter Tsiampas]

Well he made a small difference in my life and that's all it takes small steps. What an amazing man.

[Steve-MD/DC]

My condolences to the family, friends, and Brothers/Sisters-in-Arms of this Honorable man.

[Javed Zaman]

I am a pathologist. I come across cancer patients of all ages. At times, I wonder how lucky I am to have survived this long as a creation that has so many inbuilt flaws in it. On top of that there are so many man-made unnatural causes that can take away our lives.

Andy's untimely sad demise is a reminder of how fragile our fleeting existence is on this tiny planet floating in the vastness of infinite time and space.

I had never visited Andy's site when he was alive and productive. All I can do now is pray so that his soul rests in peace.

God bless him.

[Gary Farber]

Reminder to those unaware that the software is being stretched by the number of posts on this thread, and that it is asked that new comments be made on this next thread, rather than here.

Thanks.

[Doni Glover]

God bless your soul brother. Hope to meet you on the other side. Well done, soldier. Well done.

[wildbill208]

I am so sorry for your loss I can not find the words to say.

[KnuckleDragger]

RIP Major, Thanks for everything!.

[Russell Pierce]

I have no words to express my personal feelings. I am inspired and humbled by Andrew's words.

As a retired military vet and father of 2 young men (one named Andrew) I cannot imagine the depth of loss this family must feel. Lincoln's words to Mrs. Bixby seem appropriate for the family and friends.

"I pray that our Heavenly Father may assuage the anguish of your bereavement, and leave you only the cherished memory of the loved and lost, and the solemn pride that must be yours to have laid so costly a sacrifice upon the altar of freedom."

A. Lincoln, Ltr to Mrs. Bixby

[LTC B. Patterson]

Another great Warrior has been taken to Valhalla by the Valkyries...My deepest sympathy to Andy Olmsted's family, and my greatest gratitude for his service and ultimate sacrifice. I admire him all the more for his humor in his last statement...a sign he truly loved what he was doing. God Speed and God Bless.

[la'tresa hicks]

tears are hard to fight back with this one. my condolences go out to the family. death is never easy to accept, no matter if u're the one dying or the one dealing with it. so i send hugs to all.

[free]

All I can say is "Thank You Major Olmstead"
R.I.P.

[michelle]

God Bless

[Cher Greening]

I heard about this on Fox news, and read Andy's last thoughts. He is such a hero, and my thoughts and prayers are with his family, and especially the love of his life Amanda. May God's mercy be a comfort at this time.

[DEBRA]

WOW THANK YOU FOR SERVING TO PROTECT ME.YOU ARE A REAL TROOPER. MARCH ON MY BROTHER MARCH ON.WELL DONE

[Donald Hooper]

America is fortunate to have citizens like Andrew. For stepping forward, when others run away, he made our nation stronger.

If you cannot stand behind our troops, will you stand in front of them.

Donald Hooper, Michigan

[Patrick M]

I hadn't known you Andy, but I read your 'Last Post' and got a wonderful look into your psyche; that and the fact that you were obviously a B5 fan was all I needed to know about you.

I want to thank you for your service to our country, your selfless dedication and your courage to do what was right.

To Amanda, if I may, I am sorry for your loss. Being an old soldier myself, I know how hard it is for the families - I also salute for your service to our country and your courage to continue on.

[Peggy]

They talked about the letter on Fox News....What a gift! Thanks go to a GREAT man of words!

[MaggieMae]

I just heard about Major Olmstead on FOX. I will now go back and read his blogs - while mourning for Amanda the entire time. I wish I could tell you it will get better; it doesn't. (My loss came 30 years ago, and it could be yesterday.) Please create joy in your life anyway. AO certainly wants you to do that. Peace to you and yours, Amanda.

[Joseph O'Brien]

Slip off that pack. Set it down by the crooked trail. Drop your steel pot alongside. Shed those magazine-ladened bandoliers away from your sweat-soaked shirt. Lay that silent weapon down and step out of the heat. Feel the soothing cool breeze right down to your soul ... and rest forever in the shade of our love, brother.
Author: Bill Nelson

[Deed Eddy]

Thank you, and thank you, again. There is no way to adequately express all that we owe to you, Major Olmstead, for your selfless bravery. God bless you, and your family.

[Bev Stephenson]

I just heard about Andrew Olmstead today on Fox news. I was drawn to read his words. My thanks goes out to Andrew for his service and my condolescences go his beloved wife and family.

[ddw]

You are the leaven which binds together the entire fabric of our national system of defense. From your ranks come the great captains who hold the Nation's destiny in their hands the moment the war tocsin sounds.

The long gray line has never failed us. Were you to do so, a million ghosts in olive drab, in brown khaki, in blue and gray, would rise from their white crosses, thundering those magic words: Duty, Honor, Country.

This does not mean that you are warmongers. On the contrary, the soldier above all other people prays for peace, for he must suffer and bear the deepest wounds and scars of war. But always in our ears ring the ominous words of Plato, that wisest of all philosophers: "Only the dead have seen the end of war."

General Douglas MacArthur

A thousand thank yous for your service and sacrifice, and blessings to those you have left behind.

USAF family member

[Alicia King]

Saw this on the news and logged on as fast as I could. I feel horrible!! I want the family to know that this man your son, your husband or brother is a very strong man that loved you all and life so much. I am so saddened for your loss...for the loss of all the men and women that have left us since this war started. I only hope and pray that all of our words on this blog helps to comfort you. The men and women that are fighting for us while we are here at home are all hero's and we need to ALWAYS remember them!! Don't ever forget!!! Keep this blog going for Maj. Olmsted until this war is over for the memory of him please.

[Air Force Wife]

GOD BLESS YOU AND MAY YOU REST IN PEACE. THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR YOUR HONOR AND DUTY. AMERICA IS SAFE BECAUSE OF HEROES LIKE YOU. MY SYMPATHY TO YOUR WIFE AND FAMILY, YOU ARE IN MY PRAYERS. THERE ARE NOT ENOUGH WORDS TO EXPRESS MY GRATITUDE.

[Tia]

We have lost a hero and a patriot, theloss wounds me deeply. May his family find peace in his words and the country's prayers. Thank you Maj.Olmsted.

[Chuck Hewitt]

I am so sorry to hear of the loss of a true hero. All men and women in the Armed Forces have that status. I lost my son on 11/05/05, a US Army Ranger. I hope that everyone remembers that every service member is a VOLUNTEER and they did so for their own personal reasons. Good Luck and God's Speed to you Andy. And Thank You.

[bill]

sleep well brave man. we are lesser men for not having served with you.

[Zephyrgirl]

My deepest sympathy to you Amanda. My thoughts and prayers are with you. I will be keeping you close in prayer. Your husband is an honorable man.
My sympathies to all of Major Andrew Olmsted's family, military comrades, and friends.
It is easy to see that Major Olmsted is a man with a sense of humor, honor and conviction. He is an American Hero. Thank you. Here is a quote that I think Major Olmsted might like
Tolerance is the virtue of a man without conviction
GK Chesterton
God Bless you Andrew Olmsted.

[SafireNSumterServing]

Another hero gone! My prayers are with the family.

[John B. Min]

Hey Andy,

You should come visit me. I know things are different now that you are not on the earth, but your death was not in vain. For your honest wisdom and truth in life, your death will be a blessing to many, as it has been a blessing to me.

Thanks for being alive and now you know that death is just a change in atmosphere. Hope God's being nice to you (I can guaranty that He loves you).

Peace, now.

- John

[June Lathrop]

Thank you, Andy, for the sacrifice you and so many others have made. May your family and friends find some peace and comfort in their memories.
Semper fi

[John B. Min]

One last thing...

I found it very interesting that Yesterday, while following Church members in a car to celebrate a number of our birthdays, I passed by St. Andrews cemetary in New York. I was also driving behind my friend Andrew (called Andy). Now, today, I read about a Saint, an Angel, a Soldier and a good man named Andy Olmsted.

Seems that live's direction is more than just coincidental.

In your death I celebrate your life.

[Sarah Adams]

As the wife of a deployed soldier it breaks my heart to think of the pain Amanda is feeling right now. I have lived the fear that my soldier won't be able to say the things that Andy was able to convey here. Amanda you were very blessed to have your husband as I am to have mine, I am so sorry for your loss, I will keep you in my prayers, Thank you for your sacrifice, I know that doesn't help, but I am truly thankful to your husband and you for your courage, I know that this is the home of the free because of the BRAVE!! HOOOOOAH

[Stormie]

Im very sorry for all the family members. I will pray for all of you. Im sure he knows now that there is an afterlife and him and God can have many wonderful discussions. Love to you all. God Bless.

[montyburnzz]

sorry

[Terry McCord]

I've always felt if you are going to go.

GO BIG! and Brother, this was pretty big. Best wishes to the family and friends.

[Tom Vantre]

God bless Andy Olmsted & the Andy Olmsteds of the world.
The world is a lesser place with the loss of Andy & other men & women of his ilk.
We are deprived of their, friendship, love, wisdom, and future contributions.
It is not a waste, but it is a tragedy.
There is so much more I would like to say, but it seems so trivial.
To his wife, family & friends (who were so lucky & fortunate to have known him), my sincere sympathy.
LTC Tom Vantre, USA Ret.

[Ken Hughes]

I had never read anything that Andrew wrote before today, but I have to admire the man for what he wrote and how he felt. He seemed to be a very deep thinker, and a person that was very commited to his job, wife, family and friends. May his writings instill in all of us what goes on in the minds of all who go into battle, knowing full well what the outcome may be. Our deepest condolences go to his wife, family and friends. He indeed will be sorely missed, but never out of our thoughts and prayers. Thanks Andy.

[Elizabeth]

Everyone out there...this is the definition of a true patriot! He volunteered, knowing the risks. So for those of you who say this war should not have happened or for those who are for this war...leave it be! Don't speak on behalf of those who died over there, especially if you did not know them personally. No one has a right to pretend to understand unless they lived their life as this man did. This man died for what he volunteered for...his country. I thank him for his sacrifice.

[von]

Thank you, Andrew. My deepest condolences to your wife, family, and friends. You will be missed.

[lizzard]

andy olmsted has accomplished immortality with the many lessons of his final post.

[D.R.Bain]

Andy will be missed. My condolences to his wife and family. Major, I salute you thank you for your service and sacrifice.

As a 15 month Vietnam veteran, I know I can tell you that his family would like to hear from those who served with Andy.

I lost a buddy and happened onto a military site where family members were looking for anyone that served with him 35 years after his passing.

[Scott White]

There is nothing I can say that hasn't already been said.

All I can ask is to never let Andy's words die. Keep the site, keep the blog. Do whatever needs to be done to capture his words forever.

[Eric]

Godspeed, Andrew! My deepest condolences to the Olmsted family.

[Jenn]

I was turned onto this blog today by Fox news, my arch nemesis and greatest vexation in life.
I decided to check out this blog, and I am glad that I did. Despite the fact that I did not know this man, either in person or through his previous writings, I am sitting here crying...for him, his family and friends, for a world that is obviously short one good, intelligent, witty person today. I'd just like the family to know that even strangers who were previously unfamiliar with Andrew Olmsted are touched by his untimely loss. If there is anything we can do for the Olmsted family, please make sure that the public is made aware. I have donated frequently to the families of fallen soldiers, though I do not have a lot to give. And a final thank you to Andy Olmsted, not only for following your heart and doing what you felt was right, but for sharing yourself and your views with the world. I'm sorry I didn't get to "know you" sooner.

[Sebastian Holsclaw]

I'm closing the comments on this thread because our software is going to explode. You can comment on this one