Carrot Sticks And Onion Rings

by hilzoy

I have, for the most part, resisted the temptation to make fun of Ann Althouse, mostly because it requires more attention to her site than I am willing to give. But I just can't let this pass unnoticed. It's Althouse's take on Hillary Clinton's new video (which I found a bit baffling, not having watched The Sopranos), and specifically the bit in which Hillary orders carrots instead of onion rings for Bill:

"Bill says "No onion rings?" and Hillary responds "I'm looking out for ya." Now, the script says onion rings, because that's what the Sopranos were eating in that final scene, but I doubt if any blogger will disagree with my assertion that, coming from Bill Clinton, the "O" of an onion ring is a vagina symbol."

Instaputz got there first, but: Oh yes we will.

To continue:

"Hillary says no to that, driving the symbolism home. She's "looking out" all right, vigilant over her husband, denying him the sustenance he craves. What does she have for him? Carrot sticks! The one closest to the camera has a rather disgusting greasy sheen to it. Here, Bill, in retaliation for all of your excessive "O" consumption, you may have a large bowl of phallic symbols! When we hear him say "No onion rings?," the camera is on her, and Bill is off-screen, but at the bottom of the screen we see the carrot/phallus he's holding toward her. Oh, yes, I know that Hillary supplying carrots is supposed to remind that Hillary will provide us with health care, that she's "looking out for" us, but come on, they're carrots! Everyone knows carrots are phallic symbols. But they're cut up into little carrot sticks, you say? Just listen to yourself! I'm not going to point out everything."

Obviously. The only thing that would have made Clinton's intentions clearer is if she had incorporated Play-Doh and bacon into the video. But why not leave a little something for the astute observer, like Ann Althouse, to figure out?

It's oddly reminiscent of this commentary on Winnie-the-Pooh, written in marvelous fake-bad-translation-from-the-German:

"Before we have even properly at the beginning of the story arrived, find we, in Milne's "Introduction," this note:

So when Christopher Robin goes to the Zoo, he goes to where the Polar Bears are, and he whispers something to the third keeper from the left, and doors are unlocked, and we wander through dark passages and up steep stairs, until at last we come to the special cage, and the cage is opened, and out trots something brown and furry, and with a happy cry of "Oh, Bear!" Christopher Robin rushes into its arms.

Here have we, not merely a confirmation of the over-carry from Milne's poetically celebrated bear-phobia to his bear-character Pooh, but also an unmistakable representation of the underlying Pooh's meaning [Urpoohdeutung]. Freud's Interpretation of Dreams shows us unequivocally, that to "wander through dark passages and up steep stairs" can only a coitus-equivalent signify. When further we arrive at the opening of a special cage and the out-trotting of something brown and furry, embraced by A. A. Milne, the reader may easily imagine, that all doubt ceases to retain validity. The friendly male bear Pooh is meant, the unfriendly terrifying female organ to represent."

Likewise:

"A certain ass, A. A. Milne recalls, has lost its tail. The meaning of this missing object is never in doubt. Its owner extremely "attached to it" was; "it reminds me of something," says A. A. Milne; and "somebody must have taken it" adds he, echoing every child's feeling upon stumbling across the between boys and girls difference. Upon the re-attachment of this object, A. A. Milne so affected is, that he "came over all funny, and had to hurry home for a little snack of something to sustain him." Now, this rather complicated phantasy shows us, that A. A. Milne still unconsciously some doubt retains, as to the basic mechanical principles operable in the Primal Scene. Whether intercourse is posterior or anterior, he evidently cannot decide. Hence in his phantasy of helpful restoration to the "wounded" mother, he to the mistaken side wishes to re-attach the "tail." His motive for so doing is divided, between (1) wish to ingratiate oneself with mother by doing useful errand, (2) provide weapon (along lines of sadistic misinterpretation of Scene) for mother to counterattack and possibly slay father, (3) demonstrate one's own ability to serve family harmony by skillful manipulator of "tail," quite improbable in reality, and (4) general tendency of small children not their own business to be able to mind. That A. A. Milne himself imagines, upon completion of this feat, a snack of honey proceeding to devour, uncovers his absolutely basic, underlying all else motive in this projection, namely a most encouraging, perfectly healthy and normal Oedipal plan, his mother to seduce."

Of course, that differs from Althouse's work in being an intentional parody.

Comments

[brent]

Ugh. Althouse. For someone as fundamentally uninteresting as she is, she sure does manage to stir up quite a lot of fuss on the intertubes.

[Ugh]

Clearly Bill was going to ask for a helping of Georgia O'Keeffe paintings but that was too obvious so he went with the onion rings.

[Anderson]

Having been exposed to a great deal of Althouse-watching at LGM, I think that the fascination of Althouse for smart people is that someone so fundamentally stupid is able to pass herself off as intelligent.

She graduated from law school, she's a law professor, she gets op-eds in the New York Times ... and she is dumb as a brick.

It raises some interesting philosophical questions, which we could get around to, if we weren't so busy laughing our tails off at her drunken American Idol video.

[LizardBreath]

She has to be kidding, right? No one's that weird.

[Anderson]

No one's that weird.

Oh, yes she is.

[aimai]

Althouse always reminds me of the monty python where the magician puts a brick to sleep. Perhaps because of the associations Anderson points to , but also because she writes as though she is performing some difficult, dangerous, thought provoking analytic maneuver when her readers find what she writes to be, well, beyond banal and incoherent. Which is by way of saying that I can't decide if Althouse is the magician who thinks that he has demonstrated that the brick is "asleep" when it doesn't move or speak, or whether she is merely the brick itself.

aimai

[publius]

althouse makes me confident that i can make it in legal academia

i was thinking to myself "surely this was tongue it cheek," but it doesn't appear to be. good lord

[Davebo]

Wow. I certainly hope Ace of Spades doesn't come across that post.

Then again, it could be an EHarmony match made in heaven. And old guy with some extremely repressed sexual thoughts along with an old gal who's labia is crunchy and permanently stretched into a circle.

Wow again. I really wished I hadn't typed that.

[Ugh]

Damn you Davbo!

[Ugh]

Damn you Davebo!

[cleek]

what a dumb, dumb woman.

[Tim]

If she thinks carrot sticks and onion rings are sexual we're going to have to eliminate chicken wings and blue cheese from her approved snack list.

[Eric Martin]

Speaking of onion rings....(scroll to bottom of post)

http://www.sadlyno.com/archives/6252.html

[Steve]

I like how she's coined the term "anti-Althousiana" as an automatic way to dismiss anyone who's critical of her. In terms of persuasiveness, it ranks alongside an imaginary scenario where George Bush argues that everyone who opposes the war simply suffers from BDS.

[Blar]

Finally, someone who understands why I never order onion rings. It's such a sinful, unnatural dish, those greasy things all piled up together. French fries are just as bad, of course. There's only one acceptable, natural way to eat these tasty fried appetizers - it's got to be an order of http://literalminded.wordpress.com/2004/08/07/no-such-thing-as-a-fring/>frings or nothing at all.

[Madison Guy]

There seems to be a lot of derangement going on among University of Wisconsin profs these days. In addition to the Nonstop Nonsequitur Machine with the Bizarre Freudian Fixations, we also have the dean of American climatologists going a bit off the rails in his dotage.

Reid Bryson is 87 and helped lay the groundwork for the scientific study of global warming. Years ago, I had him as a professor, and he was known as a brilliant scientist and a wonderful teacher. He was a poet of climate, a lyricist of weather, a mesmerizing lecturer about climate's impact on humans and vice versa. Now he bad-mouths Al Gore and his skeptical statements are widely quoted by global warming opponents. What happened? The University of Wisconsin emeritus prof outlived his expertise and found himself stranded on the far side of a paradigm shift.

Because of his considerable accomplishments in the past, we should probably cut Bryson a bit of slack; after all, he is 87. But Ann Althouse is not.

[rilkefan]

When I saw the carrots I gasped, because it's an incredibly sharp visual rhyme with the Sopranos episode. The color orange is apparently a straight Godfather reference - it symbolizes death, and appears as the unlucky orange cat and as the Princeton tiger in the background screen in the startling Last Supper mise en scène the director arranged. I actually wonder if the Clintons realized the significance, because given Bill's heart problems it's shocking.

[Model 62]

Last Supper mise en scène the director arranged

Whose hand is on the table?

[Sebastian Holsclaw]

The carrots are bad too, because of the orange and the Godfather reference.

Althouse is totally wrong about the onion rings too. The current state of informed commentary suggests that the analogy is with communion wafers and last rites. Which could have made a really interesting riff for Althouse to use if she had picked up on it.

[Batocchio]

"Urpoohdeutung" is terribly funny.

While I thought Althouse's "I doubt if any blogger will disagree" was ironic (and she's since claimed she was baiting her critics with that line), in her follow-up post (linked in an update at the original) she defends her analysis at some length - no irony there, and every critique of her has thus been largely on target. The woman is obssessed with Bill Clinton's sex life, and in her follow-up post she paints herself as some sort of bold, revolutionary media analyst who's "not so obedient" as the easily duped masses or whatever. Really, check out her follow-up, I think it's nuttier than the initial post.

[Katherine]

she makes me confident that what legal academia's looking for is a complete mystery to me.

[Zippy]

Ann is a high maintenance cigar humidor.

[Anderson]

Re: Milne, "Pooh." Enough said.

[Ugh]

Yet another thread in dire need of Mr. Thullen.

[Anderson]

The woman is obssessed with Bill Clinton's sex life

She wants him. Enough said.

[hilzoy]

For some reason, I find the fake "translation" in the Pooh piece hysterical. One thing that's not in those excerpts is that the (imaginary) translator says that when there's a really tricky bit, he will put the original German in parentheses, and then, in the text, we find:

"hence [also]:

"the artist as artist [als Künstler]"

"his repressed materials will of necessity themselves express [sich aussprechen]"

"and so on [und so weiter]"

These make me giggle every time I read them. As do the references to the titles of Milne's books: The House at the Corner of Pooh's [Das Haus bei der Poohecke], As We Extremely Young Were.

[julian]

Well, any interpreter who sees vaginas in onion rings is a little weird. On the other hand, the video -does- reinforce adamaging conservative narrative about the Clintons: namely, that Bill likes to indulge himself a little too much and that Hillary's function in the marriage is to police his appetites.

[Edward_]

I think you're missing the real autrocity here: She chose a Celine Dion song for her campaign. No amount of hipness that might rub off from the Soprano parody can compensate for that, can it?

[Edward_]

atrocity, even...(my spelling skill as atrocious)

[rilkefan]

"Last Supper mise en scène the director arranged"

'Whose hand is on the table?'

I read a suggestion that Andrea del Castagno is a better Last Supper reference here - I'll defer to Edward_.

Lots of visual stuff discussed.

[HillCountryGal]

I almost convulsed with laughter when I read the onion ring/vagina thingie.

Seriously, that is just about the most HILARIOUS thing I've read in ages.

And coming from the mouth keyboard of a Professor makes it even more surreal.

BwaaaahahaHAHAHAHAHAhaha

[someotherdude]

I have to quit trolling, I saw everything Ann had seen.

[tzs]

The only thing I can deduce from this is
a) Ms. Althouse is absolutely obsessed about Bill Clinton's sex life.
b) Ms. Althouse is absolutely obsessed about sex, period.

Since this woman is obviously secretly longing for a second career in Ms. Coulter's footsteps as a demented performance artist, it would save the Law School a lot of continued embarrassment if she would just quit, period.

Heck, I was toying with the idea of attending the U.of Wisconsin law school because of their strengths in Asian law, but I've had second thoughts considering the continued support of someone who looks to be well beyond the event horizon for insanity and increasing.

[liberal japonicus]

tzs,
I've heard good things about a different UW asian law program

[Fraser]

My favorite line from a different essay in "The Pooh Perplex": "After luring the worker Pooh into his home with never-paid promises of honey, the capitalist Rabbit traps him in the doorway and uses him for one week's unpaid labor as a towel rack!"

[Fraser]

My favorite line from a different essay in "The Pooh Perplex": "After luring the worker Pooh into his home with never-paid promises of honey, the capitalist Rabbit traps him in the doorway and uses him for one week's unpaid labor as a towel rack!"

[tzs]

Liberal Japonicus, thanks for the link. I hadn't known about the U. of Washington law school as being strong in Asian law.

The other schools I've been toying with are IIT-Kent (IP, nanotech, international business) or outside the US entirely and go for a Commonwealth law degree.

Major problem is figuring out how to do this while growing a company!

[Anarch]

Since no-one has linked it previously, the Wikiality page on the vagina conclusively proofs the error of Althouse's ways:

Vaginas have been said to be squishy when moist.

Strike another blow for truthiness!