Heh.

by hilzoy

This is by far the best version of this joke I've seen so far:

"The delegation arrived at the market [in Baghdad], which is called Shorja, on Sunday with more than 100 soldiers in armored Humvees … and attack helicopters…. Sharpshooters were posted on the roofs. The congressmen wore bulletproof vests…. At a news conference shortly after their outing, Mr. McCain … and his three congressional colleagues described Shorja as a safe, bustling place full of hopeful and warmly welcoming Iraqis — "like a normal outdoor market in Indiana in the summertime," offered Mike Pence, an Indiana Republican. — New York Times

---

MY WIFE came into the living room wearing a Kevlar vest, helmet and night-vision goggles.

"What are you doing?" I asked.

"Have you completely forgotten, silly head? We're going to the market." (...)

Carol helped the boys get ready, putting on their sneakers and body armor. I phoned the Indiana National Guard so that they could radio the 434th Special Air Wing at Grissom Air Force Base, which in turn scrambled two F-14 Tomcats. Then we hopped in the wagon.

Carol and I moved to Muncie from Detroit. Frankly, we were tired of the noise, the dirt and the crime. Here, you feel so safe, as long as you move very quickly through the market, keep your head down and have appropriate air cover.

Carol handed each of the boys — 8 and 5, and a handful, let me tell you — a juice box, a Xanax and personalized Navy SEAL-issue GPS systems. (...)

I hit the gas and spun the car and parked in a ditch that had once been a Tasty Donut before a tactical nuclear weapon had decimated it. Great parking space, though.

I saw my neighbor, Larry, under his car, from the looks of it a spanking-new Bradley fighting vehicle. "Snipers today," Larry said with a smile.

"Nice ride, Larry," I said as I dove under the car, a sniper's bullet exploding inches away from my foot. "Looks solid."

"The hull is constructed of welded aluminum and spaced laminate armor," he said, burying his head in the dirt as another round came in. "The Israelis use them. I had an Explorer, but it was blown to bits last time I went out for garbage bags."

"Roomy?"

"Ton of room. Carries three crew, commander, gunner and driver, plus six fully equipped infantrymen. Mileage is awful, but with all the space in the back, it's great for the market." (...)

Larry asked me to cover him, and he rolled out from under the BFV and hopped in. I activated heavy smoke bombs, and his car tore out of the field. I made it back to my car as Larry's choppers came in low over the market, taking heavy fire and destroying the sniper's den (about time, thank you very much) as well as a Toys R Us that was closed for renovation.

I could see the smoke in the rear-view mirror when Carol dove onto the hood, managing to hold onto the bundles (that woman never ceases to amaze me). I hit the brakes and she got in quickly.

"You put on face paint," I said, giving her a quick kiss. (...)

"You kids have fun?" Carol asked.

"Yeah!" said Chip.

"He was holding a loaf of bread and it got blown out of his hand!"

"It was so awesome, Mum."

We all laughed. Really hard. That's how shopping is in Indiana in the summer. It's just fun. It's fun and safe and hopeful and full of warm and welcoming Indianans and insurgents and snipers and bombs.

"Oh darn," Carol said.

"What is it, honey?"

"We forgot milk.""

Comments

[SomeOtherDude]

I bet a Roman aristocrat felt more welcomed in Palestine.

[wonkie]

And the next day twenty people are killed in thhe Inndiana market.
It's been a long time since a Republican paid a big political price for saying something untrue. Hopefully the start of a trend?

[Joe]

Sam Seder had some good audio of his trip to the market with his wife.

[OCSteve]

I have to admit that is pretty darned funny.

[spartikus]

There doesn't seem to be an open thread handy, but this is one of those headlines that just make you throw your hands in the air: North Koreans Arm Ethiopians as U.S. Assents.

[Curt Adams]

Very funny, but not *entirely* fair. Truthfully, with the air cover and infantry escort McCain was *not* shot at. It should either be written with the narrator blandly describing what happens when he's not escorted (but not actually seeing it) or with the heavy military support not showing up that day.

You could add some seriously black humor about the market workers missing limbs, relatives, begging the military for mercy, etc.

[Curt Adams]

The US allying with Ethopia and North Korea sure does sound like a Mad TV joke. But, hey, what do you expect when the US is running short of countries to subcontract torture to? http://www.iht.com/articles/ap/2007/03/31/america/NA-GEN-US-Somalia-Detention-Report.php

[John Thullen]

Yeah, this one is better than the one I wrote, I mean, saw, in the Iraq thread a couple of days ago. ;)

How many versions exist?

[CaseyL]

Y'all oughta hie on over to Dependable Renegade, who's running a photoshopped series showing McCain in Indiana, Brooklyn, and San Francisco. Only his outfit changes; the armed guards are always there.

As many of the commenters there said, it's like McCain's our national garden gnome.