Plagues

by hilzoy

As I said in my last post, the ugliness is coming thick and fast -- so fast that I have had to combine it all into one post, which is below the fold. Regrettably, my chosen schema did not accommodate some flat-out lies, like this one. (See also here -- for factual details -- and here.)

The main post is longish, so I put it below the fold. It concerns the many horrible things that will happen if Democrats win in November. Be very, very afraid.

(1) The LORD God of the Hebrews hath sent me unto thee, saying, Let my people go, that they may vote Republican: and, behold, hitherto thou wouldest not hear.

Thus saith the LORD, In this thou shalt know that I am the LORD: behold, I will smite with the rod that is in mine hand upon the waters which are in the river, and they shall be turned to blood.

And the fish that is in the river shall die, and the river shall stink; and the Americans shall lothe to drink of the water of the river.

And the children shall die also, and the blood in the river shall be the blood of those children, for when the people make little mistakes with their hos, no one will stop them from snuffing their seed.

(2) And the LORD spake unto Moses, Go unto Pharaoh, and say unto him, Thus saith the LORD, Let my people go, that they may vote Republican.

And if they refuse to vote Republican, behold, I will smite all thy borders with the boytoys of Democrats:

And the river shall bring forth boytoys abundantly, which shall go up and come into thine house, and into thy bedchamber, and upon thy bed, and into the house of thy servants, and upon thy people, and into thine ovens, and into thy kneadingtroughs:

And the boytoys shall come up both on thee, and upon thy people, and upon all thy servants. And internet child predators shall walk among them at liberty, for none dare speak against them.

(3) And the LORD said unto Moses, Say unto Aaron, Stretch out thy rod, and smite the dust of the land, that it may become illegal aliens throughout all the land of America.

And they did so; for Aaron stretched out his hand with his rod, and smote the dust of the earth, and it became illegal aliens in man, and in beast; illegal aliens who pay no taxes but take our jobs and our government handouts, then spit in our face and burn our flag; drug dealers, criminals, even terrorists; yea, even people who engage in slavery and prostitution. And all the dust of the land became illegal aliens throughout the land of America.

(4) If thou wilt not let my people vote Republican, behold, I will send swarms of legal immigrants upon thee, and upon thy servants, and upon thy people, and into thy houses: and the houses of the Americans shall be full of swarms of legal immigrants, and also the ground whereon they are. And though the Republicans will try to keep these legal immigrants from voting, others will thwart them, and cast them out into darkness.

And the LORD spake unto Moses, Go unto Pharaoh, and say unto him, Thus saith the LORD, If the people do not vote Republican, these swarms of legal immigrants will cause America herself to break asunder.

(5) For if thou refuse to vote Republican, behold, the hand of the LORD is upon thy cattle which is in the field, upon the horses, upon the asses, upon the camels, upon the oxen, and upon the sheep: but those who haven’t grown up on a farm might not know what that means.

(6) And the LORD said unto Moses and unto Aaron, Take to you handfuls of ashes of the furnace, and let Moses sprinkle it toward the heaven in the sight of Pharaoh.

And it shall become small dust in all the land of America, and shall be a boil breaking forth with blains upon man, and upon beast, throughout all the land of America. And the name of this boil shall be NAMBLA.

And they took ashes of the furnace, and stood before Pharaoh; and Moses sprinkled it up toward heaven; and it became a boil breaking forth with blains upon man, and upon beast.

And some supported the ACLU and thereby were covered with NAMBLA; others voted their consciences and were smitten by NAMBLA; and some marched in parades, and were transformed into supporters of NAMBLA.

And the pundits could not stand before Moses because of the boils; for the NAMBLA boil was upon the pundits, and upon all the Americans.

(7) And the LORD said unto Moses, Rise up early in the morning, and stand before Pharaoh, and say unto him, Thus saith the LORD God of the Hebrews, Let my people go, that they may vote Republican.

Behold, to morrow about this time I will cause it to rain a very grievous hail of investigations, such as hath not been in America since the foundation thereof even until now. And for two years no one shall plow the fields or bring in the harvest; no work will be done, and the investigations will make America a living hell, while the world is set on fire. And there will be impeachments; for what the Republicans have done, that may we be sure the Democrats will do in their turn, even if they have never done it before.

Send therefore now, and gather thy cattle, and all that thou hast in the field; for upon every man and beast which shall be found in the field, and shall not be brought home, the hail of investigations shall come down upon them, and they shall die.

(8) And Moses and Aaron came in unto Pharaoh, and said unto him, Thus saith the LORD God of the Hebrews, How long wilt thou refuse to humble thyself before me? let my people go, that they may vote Republican.

Else, if thou refuse to let my people go, behold, tomorrow will I bring the tax locusts into thy coast:

And they shall cover the face of the earth, that one cannot be able to see the earth: and they shall eat the residue of that which is escaped, which remaineth unto you from the hail, and shall eat every tree which groweth for you out of the field:

And they shall fill thy houses, and the houses of all thy servants, and the houses of all the Egyptians; which neither thy fathers, nor thy fathers' fathers have seen, since the day that they were upon the earth unto this day. And he turned himself, and went out from Pharaoh.

And some will say: lo, the tax locusts will only visit the farms and houses of the rich; but they lie. And some will say: lo, we must endure the tax locusts in order to balance the budget, but they lie too. The ungodly believe that the tax locusts should eat the people's food and fill their houses, since the locusts know better than the people what should be done with these things. And in this way wealth is squandered, and livelihoods destroyed, and the locusts consume all that grows on the earth.

But thus saith the LORD God: let my people go, that they may vote Republican; for the Republicans believe that the people know best what to do with their food and their houses.

(9) And the LORD said unto Moses, Stretch out thine hand toward heaven, that there may be darkness over the land of America, even darkness which may be felt.

And Moses stretched forth his hand toward heaven; and there was a thick darkness in all the land of America three days:

They saw not one another, neither rose any from his place for three days, nor could they see the world in black and white; and that's dangerous in a time of terror, and your odds of dying go higher. But all the children of the Republican National Committee had light in their dwellings.

And this was the darkness of San Francisco values, and in this darkness the people ridicule the LORD and mock his words, and spirituality is excluded from the public square, and all the people can see are transvestite nuns.

And there was a silence upon the land, for though our enemies were talking to one another, those for whom victory is not an option had chosen to stop their ears.

And in that silence we shall hear the snip, snip, snip of people cutting, and the sound of running feet; and the Eye of Mordor shall turn towards our land.

(10) And Moses said, Thus saith the LORD, About midnight will jihadis go out into the midst of America:

And all the firstborn in the land of America shall die, from the first born of Pharaoh that sitteth upon his throne, even unto the firstborn of the maidservant that is behind the mill; and all the firstborn of beasts; and 9/11 shall seem like nothing.

And there shall be a great cry throughout all the land of America, such as there was none like it, nor shall be like it any more.

But against any of the children of the Republican National Committee shall not a jihadi move his tongue, against man or beast: that ye may know how that the LORD doth put a difference between the Democrats and the Republicans. For only if the spirit of the people is broken, and they no longer wish to stay the course, will the people vote for Democrats; and so would a Democratic victory hearten the jihadis; but of Republicans jihadis are sore afraid.

***

Honestly: I had no idea. Did you?

Comments

[liberal japonicus]

I'm a little disappointed. I figured that every paragraph would have a hyperlink. Call it the book of Rove, and then the faithful can say 'Rove 7:13'.

[Jimbo]

This is all the burning Bush's doing.

[cleek]

an epic tale! i can't wait to see who stars in the movie!

[Ara]

I woke up early to a very bad dream, and now am confronted by this. Love the way so many of those ads didn't promise to do anything, just be afraid, be very afraid. Go about your business, but do it fearfully. Such classic propaganda.

Still I think the Eskimo sex study ad deserves honorable mention (clip was sadly removed from YouTube for copyright reasons, though I'm not sure why anyone would demand a political ad be removed).

[OCSteve]

Holy crap is that hilarious. Pure genius Hil. I’m not worthy…

[bob mcmanus]

Charlton Heston is unavailable. Maybe Vince Vaughan as Moses?

[Ugh]

Thus, every American should be proud of the Military Commissions Act of 2006. Future generations will look back and commend us for recognizing the threat of terrorism and taking every possible step-consistent with American values and the rule of law-to defeat it.

A.G. A.G.

[cleek]

Future generations will look back and commend us for recognizing the threat of terrorism and taking every possible step-consistent with American values and the rule of law-to defeat it.

as a prediction, it's pretty bad. maybe he meant that as a command ?

[Ugh]

Good God, that whole thing by AG is awful. In response to "If you, Mr Gonzales, were arrested and classified as an unlawful enemy combatant and you were an innocent person, what course of action would you take?"

He says:

Again, I want to emphasize that the Military Commissions Act does not apply to American citizens. Thus, if I or any other American citizen were detained, we would have access to the full panoply of rights that we enjoyed before the law.

Right.

[cleek]

Good God, that whole thing by AG is awful.

i love the one from William in Little Rock. (paraphrasing):

Q: "Would the public be able to scrutinize how these trials function, or would they be all kept secret?"

AG: "Yes, of course! The only reason they'd be kept secret is if there was some classified info used during these trials that we didn't want you to know about!"

when's the last time anything to do with TWoT wasn't classified? even the freaking no-fly lists don't have the names of actual dangerous terrorists, because they don't want that info to become public. *smacks own head*

we are ruled by mendacious cretins.

[Phil]

For the last two or three weeks, I've been getting a bunch of direct mail pieces from the campaign of Tom Davis, who's running for reelection against Andrew Hurst in VA-11. Every single piece of mail* has had a huge headline at the top referring to "LIBERAL ANDREW HURST." Not even "Democrat" -- "Liberal." The Republicans have become so successful at codifying that as a scare word that that's all Davis's campaign feels it needs to say.

Yesterday's took the cake, though, screaming in 60-point type, "Out-of-touch liberal Andrew Hurst DEFENDS CRIMINALS." It pulled from Hurst's bio at Reed Smith LLP -- where he works in regulatory litigation defense -- to inform us voters that Hurst has defended all kinds of scary corporations accused of all kinds of things.

Now, the spectacle of a Republican congressman raising the spectre of giant, scary corporations aside, I suppose the upshot of the mailing is that there are certain classes of crimes that are not entitled to a defense in court? Or that lawyers should be able to see into the future and, if their clients are going to be ruled against, refuse to defend them? I urge Tom Davis to campaign on that message. It's a real winner.

I should write a note to the Davis campaign letting them know that, in all likelihood, there is a person defending a criminal in every single courtroom in the United States right now. Not only that, some of them receive taxpayer funds to defend criminals. They call them -- get this -- "public defenders." Like they can defend the public by sticking up for criminals! Horrors!

He also makes reference to Hurst defending "criminals' rights" but not "victims' rights." Somebody needs to explain the Constitution to Rep. Davis, because he seems to be unclear on some of the issues.

*OK, yesterday's referred to "EXTREMIST LIBERAL ANDREW HURST."

[KCinDC]

Phil, unfortunately that line of attack is a staple of Republican law-and-order campaigns, and I'm not sure it isn't a real winner. After all, it's basically the same as Republicans' statements about the Military Commissions Act, which talk about the rights of terrorists and people who want to kill Americans, ignoring the issue of whether the detainees have actually done whatever the government says they've done.

[Dantheman]

Phil,

"the upshot of the mailing is that there are certain classes of crimes that are not entitled to a defense in court"

Largely correct. Even moreso by removing "certain classes of". It's why Republican candidates have been able to make the ACLU into a boogeyman, since we all know anyone accused of a crime is automatically guilty.

[JakeB]

Ex 32.9: "And the LORD said unto Moses, Go, get thee down; for thy people, which thou broughtest out of the land of Egypt, have corrupted themselves"

And Moses danced. And spun.

[Ara]

RNC "raise the stakes" video link no longer works.

[hilzoy]

Ara: How fortunate (?) that there are lots of links to it out there. I've substituted another one. Thanks.

[Prodigal]

Quoth Dantheman:

...since we all know anyone accused of a crime is automatically guilty.

Unless they're Republicans, of course, in which case it was all a plot by the Democrats!

[cleek]

what do you call someone who acts, for political reasons, to make sure the population is in a constant state of fear?

[Jimbo]

what do you call someone who acts, for political reasons, to make sure the population is in a constant state of fear?

A Phobiarch, maybe Hysteriarch?

[cleek]

A Phobiarch, maybe Hysteriarch?

a terrorist

[Jimbo]

Second. There is a scorching article by Pat Tillman's brother at Truthdig

[matttbastard]

Here's the unbroken link to Kevin Tillman's article.

[John Thullen]

Tillman's article is strong stuff.

I contrast this with the bonhomie of George W. Bush over the past few weeks as he and Rove wax hopeful on the election. Apparently, Rumsfeld is confident that tactical nukes will bring terror-free democracy to Iran.

Then I read about and see the Republican political ads -- Democrats are going to murder all of us, open the borders to little brown people, encourage anal sex among children, and raise your taxes ... Republican politicians hope it is in THAT order so they can die and demagogue little brown people and anal sex one more time before their taxes are raised.

Then I read the vomitus over at Red State. I feel like John Cleese the waiter in Monty Python's "The Meaning of Life" with the fat piece of filth vomiting his last 37 meals all over the restaurant, while demanding that he be brought vats of marinara sauce for the next two years. They are just getting it all over everybody.

We live in foul times and are ruled by low people...... and they are not worthy of elections.

[John Thullen]

Incidentally, Kevin Drum, in a post encouraging the Democratic Party to go for the jugular in their ads, links to Abu Aardvark, who speculates that the new RNC ad featuring Osama Bin Laden as a Democrat will end up being a joint effort between the RNC and Al Qaeda for terrorist recruitment and scaring-the-crap-out-the-American-people.

The RNC is showing Al Qaeda how to perfect their media propaganda products. Al Qaeda is learning from the RNC how to recruit and terrorize large swathes of the population. It's a hand-in-glove operation.

This ad has been approved by George W. Bush and Osama Bin Laden.

To the Hague with one and the gallows with the other.

[Nell]

"there are certain classes of crimes that are not entitled to a defense in court"

This was pretty much one of the implications of the infamous Scott Howell-produced 'Hitler' ad slamming Dem. Virginia governor candidate Tim Kaine last fall for his opposition to the death penalty. It referred with horror to Kaine's having done some work in the defense of a murder suspect, as if no one who would provide legal representation for someone accused of such a crime should ever hold office.

[Mona]

Hilzoy-- this Exodus send-up you've been doing wrt the GOP, is sheerest genius.

[KCinDC]

For those reading Nell's comment and wanting links, it's Kevin Drum linking to Abu Aardvark.

[john miller]

According to the NY Times, the Bush administration is setting up a list of timetables for the Iraqi government to meet in regards to security, etc. Why would they want to play into the insurgents and terrorists hands? Won't they just wait us out? What kind of defeatocrats are running this country?

[Ugh]

Cafferty just went off.

[Tim]

Cafferty just went off.

More detail, please. I'm in Buffalo and my cable hasn't been restored yet.

[Ugh]

More detail, please. I'm in Buffalo and my cable hasn't been restored yet.

He just matter of factly detailed the "immense power grab" (or words to that effect) of the Bush administration and listed torture, NSA spying, throwing Americans in jail without a hearing, etc. I thought it would have been interesting for someone who hasn't been paying attention to hear that and think "holy crap!"