Improbable Animal News

by hilzoy

First, the AP brings news of what it describes as "a new crustacean in the South Pacific that resembles a lobster and is covered with what looks like silky, blond fur":

Isn't it cute?

Second, via kos, news that someone has married a dolphin:

"British tourist Sharon Tendler has finally made her dream match - by "marrying" a dolphin she has been visiting for 15 years in the Israeli resort of Eilat, the mass-circulation Yediot Ahronot daily reported today.

Tendler, 41, has been visiting the city on the Gulf of Aqaba two or three times a year to spend time with her 35-year-old underwater sweetheart.

"The peace and tranquility under water, and his love, would calm me down," the Israeli daily quoted her as saying.

Last week Tendler finally plucked up the courage to ask the dolphin's trainer for the mammal's fin in marriage.

The wedding took place Wednesday, with the bride, wearing a white dress and watched by amazed spectators, walking down the dock to where the groom was waiting in the water.

She kissed him, to the cheers of the spectators and then, after the ceremony was sealed with some mackerels, was tossed into the water so she could swim away with her new husband.

"I'm the happiest girl on earth," the bride was quoted as saying. "I made a dream come true. And I am not a pervert.""

Feh. Unless the dolphin said 'I do', or made some clicks and whistles that plainly signified consent, it seems like perversion to me. (What's the age of consent for dolphins anyways?) Distasteful too: think of the mackerel breath.

Comments

[spartikus]

It's the Pimp Shrimp!

[lilylily]

Sharon McCrumb wrote a mystery featuring a character that marries a dolphin. The human dies when the dolphin playfully holds her under water too long.
I am about fifteen minutes from leaving my house to get another eye surgery. I'm nervous. I don't know why. After all I've had three real surgeries and three laser surgeries on my eye so this should be no big deal. My retina is detaching and they are going to open my eye up and tack it down or staple it or hot glue it or something. I got grossed out when the doctor told me they were going to cut it open and drain out the liquid inside. What do you suppose they do to the gloop from in my eye? Do they pour it into a cup and set it on the counter? what if someone accidently spills it on the floor? Oh no, Pauls' coming time to go.

[Slartibartfast]

Ok, since "sea monkey" is already taken (so to speak), I'm at a loss as to what to call this thing.

[Jackmormon]

Best wishes, lily! That sounds like a distressing operation to contemplate.

What I'm wondering about with the dolphin "marriage" is how much money changed hands.

[hilzoy]

lilylily: good luck; I hope it goes well. (I get all squeamish about eye surgery, which has prevented me from ever seriously considering Lasik, much as I hat my glasses.)

[Andrew Frederiksen]

I have no idea what that is, but it's clearly wearing legwarmers.

[Slartibartfast]

They look like extended oven mitts to me.

[Ugh]

I like spartikus' suggestion of "Pimp Shrimp."

[CaseyL]

That woman-marries-dolphin story first came out months ago; I wonder why it's getting a second wave now.

I adore the blonde lobster. Doesn't it look like it's wearing a King Kong costume, though? A blonde King Kong costume?

[ThirdGorchBro]

That woman-marries-dolphin story first came out months ago; I wonder why it's getting a second wave now.

Well, we have to be on the lookout for those human-animal hybrids!

[Pooh]

It looks like a blown-up version of the mind-control beetles from Wrath of Khan...ok, not it doesn't but that's literally the first thing that came into my head, because the pic freaks me out almost as much as those bugs did.

[mason]

A feather boa, I'd say. I wonder how it tastes.

[GreginOz]

Good heavens, what is the 'porpoise' of this discussion? (boom-tish!)

[cleek]

i bet that news tickles Santorum in all the right places. i wonder if he'd even considered the possibilities of man-on-cetean sex.

[togolosh]

Woman-Dolphin: OK. Man-Box Turtle: immoral. Where's the justice?

I want to marry the Yeti/crab thing. Assuming it's female, that is. I ain't no homo.

[Anarch]

Lay off the jokes, people. It's hard out here for a shrimp.

[javelina]

Haven't read Sharon McCrumb. But the opening chapter of Ted Mooney's 1981 novel, Easy Travel to Other Planets, features a male dolphin/human female sex scene. I seem to recall that it created a bit of a stir at the time. Some years later Dave Barry mentioned in one of his columns a Florida paper's story abt the dolphin/human sex thing, only this time it involved nonfictional male dolphins getting exceedingly frisky around some snorkelers who had great difficulty protecting their virtue. So apparently copulation could in ideal circumstances occur w/o the human partner drowning.

However, Sharon Tendler sounds positively demented and I fervently wish the gift of speech on her partner, so that we could all hear him say, "Goodbye, and thanks for all the fish."