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September 26, 2005

Comments

Afghanistan? Aghan?

From the article it sounds like the shooting is not for "killing people", but for comparatively "non-violent" tranq-ing people instead. I'd like to think that the US military has seen enough bad horror movies about "trained to kill" non-humans to figure out that would be a bad idea.

As ridiculous as the whole story sounds, I find the notion that the dolphins were armed when they escaped pretty incredible. I doubt the Navy just leaves them locked and loaded in their pens.

Still, this all sounds vaguely reminiscent of an awful movie. If the dolphins start hunting down the lead scientist and his family, then we are in business.

Haven't bats been used to disperse incendiary devices?

Or I could do some research first: The B-Bomb Project.

Why did I instantly think of Dr. Evil? And where are my laser beams?

Anyone else having Day of the Dolphin flashbacks?

Why did I instantly think of Dr. Evil? And where are my laser beams?

You mean "Where are my fikkin' laser beams?"

Anyone else having Day of the Dolphin flashbacks?

Sadly, yes. *cleans brain thoroughly*

I want to take this seriously, but the laughter won't stop. If someone dies from assault with a deadly cetacean, I'm going to feel like a heel.

I expect that they are going after the tuna fishermen as we speak, and good luck to them.

This, however, is from the Onion, and it was the first thing I thought of when I saw this piece.

I've wondered for years, if dolphins are so damn smart, how come they're not getting armed and organized?

They were just waiting for the perfect opportunity.

"When Flipper....flips out!"

Cue ominous music...

But I have to say that off the top of my head, I really think we should allow other species to be neutral non-combatants in our wars.

Too late for man's best friend:

You mean "Where are my fikkin' laser beams?"

But are they ill-tempered?

It suddenly occurs to me that this sort of operation just begs to be given the designation:

TURSI-OPS

Which is, of course, the use of cetaceans for military porpoises.

Satire is now not just dead but extinct. Reality drove it to extinction by out-competing it for natural resources.

You probably all already know about him, but just on the off chance someone doesn't: John Lilly.

Although a bit diffucult, Programming and Metaprogrammng in the Human Biocomputer is worth reading.

Don't worry folks, everything is under control. Your squeaky little Western Imperialist dolphins will be no more than a tasty snack for my army of nuclear powered bionic squids. Mwah hah hah hah!

This story may or may not be relevant:

Seabees Provide Home for Dolphins Displaced During Katrina

GULFPORT, Miss. (NNS) -- Naval Construction Battalion Center (NCBC) Gulfport opened its doors Sept. 17 to Kelly, Toni, Jackie and Noah, four of eight Atlantic Bottlenose dolphins displaced when a reported 40-foot storm surge caused by Hurricane Katrina destroyed their home at Marine Life Oceanarium Aug. 29.

That is the funniest thing Ive read this month.

This is another story about animals being used for military operations with a nice quote at the bottom about just how unreliable mine clearing dolphins are...
Defensetech - Flipper's F**ked Mate

The pivotal story line in Day of the Dolphin was spoken by George C. Scott, with tears in his eyes, he tells his two dolphins "All men...bad." And shatters their beliefs.
Very 1973.
Are we still studying psychokinesis too?
I think the story is a bit convoluted. While I believe it as a whole I doubt very much that the dolphins were locked and loaded.
Probably were wearing their communications harnesses though because the electrodes were supposedly planted under their skin so I doubt there were many times the harnesses were taken off.

Thinking of living things as "systems" seems wrong. Of course, it's no more wrong than outfitting dolphins to kill people, but still.

" Taking over from the sea lion shallow water intruder detection system, the dolphins, operated by Explosive Ordnance Disposal Mobile Unit 3, provide significant operational force protection capabilities to the 5th Fleet theater. The Navy’s selection of bottlenose dolphins and California sea lions for its operational systems is based on a variety of factors, one of the most important of which is their ability to work comfortably and effectively in a wide variety of environments."

The dolphins, of course, are known as "the Mark 6 anti-swimmer dolphin system."

Can anyone explain to me how dolphins are supposed to fire their darts without opposable thumbs?

"I really think we should allow other species to be neutral non-combatants in our wars."

We sure never gave horses that option . . .

... or elephants. Or dogs. Or even pigeons.

Jack Lecou: Don't worry folks, everything is under control. Your squeaky little Western Imperialist dolphins will be no more than a tasty snack for my army of nuclear powered bionic squids. Mwah hah hah hah!

Speaking of which.

The obvious response would be for an enemy to poison the seas preemptively. It would be a lot cheapter than just singling out the dolphins.

Jackmormon: Can anyone explain to me how dolphins are supposed to fire their darts without opposable thumbs?

They could bite them off humans...?

Well, there is that.

It looks, incidentally, as if no one has pointed out that this is largely a fat load of nonsense. Not about the Navy having trained dolphins, which is hardly news, but the notion that either a) they're out fitted with toxic darts they can choose to launch (via direct nerve connection?; that would be possible now; via flipper? I doubt that); or b) there were Navy dolphins stationed on the Gulf Coast (not that that would be implausible). See also Snopes (and who wouldn't with this sort of thing?).

Yes, yes, I'm a killjoy. But one unafraid of deranged lone dolphin gunmen!

I remain concerned about the Dr. Evil threat, of course.

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