Is This Really Necessary?

by hilzoy

From the Chicago Tribune, via Freiheit und Wissen, comes news of a new line of greeting cards designed especially for adulterers.

"One morning at breakfast, Cathy Gallagher told her husband she wanted to start a line of greeting cards for adulterers. There was a pregnant pause. And then he said, "I think it's a great idea." Lucky for him, Gallagher doesn't plan on patronizing her own business. "You don't have to be a murderer to write a murder mystery," she says. Nor, apparently, does one need to be unfaithful to write a Christmas card that says, "As we each celebrate with our families, I will be thinking of you." (...)

The cards feature acrylic paintings on the cover, done by an artist in Virginia and predictably heavy on deep shades of red, with long verses by Gallagher inside. Some of them read as if they were written by a dropout of the Hallmark school of greeting-card writing:

"My soul has been searching for you since I came into this world.

"All my life I have had this emptiness inside, like a part of me was missing and I was incomplete ...

"And now I can't imagine my life without you ... Even if I have to share you."

There's a card for office romances that begins, "The weekend apart is finally over," and an apology card that describes how hard it is not to be able to call and smooth over "our misunderstanding." There's even a breakup card that says, "I can't go on like this anymore ... I guess our timing just wasn't right."

But there's also a card urging the receiver to leave his or her spouse. "Let's live our lives together and finally be one," it says. "I can't imagine not having you in my life. Let's start living our lives for 'us.'""

Ewww.

Comments

[carpeicthus]

Wait 'til you see the line for child molesters.

[John Thullen]

A break-up card for adulterers:

"It's not you. It's your spouse."

[rilkefan]

You only ask if this is necessary because you've never been married.

[kenB]

Sure it seems ridiculous, but hardly more so than the entire greeting card concept itself. If you're going to use the words of an anonymous stranger to express your feelings anyway, why limit yourself to birthdays and anniversaries?

[xanax]

"Ewww."

Ahhh. The ever-articulate hilzoy.

And rilkefan (so early in your marriage!): "You only ask if this is necessary because you've never been married."

May you never know how true that is.

[rilkefan]

Oh, we're happy, and I don't see any straying in our future - but that's because the normal rules don't apply to us.

[xanax]

rilkefan: You guys're still happy? And after... what's it been... like 12 days now?
What's your secret? (kidding, of course... blessings to you both... and FTR from all I've seen around me, "straying" solves nothing. Absolutely nothing... specialty greeting cards notwithstanding).

[liberal japonicus]

I'm now wondering (my OED is at the office) why the etymological link between adult and adulterer. The internets sez Adulterer comes from adulterate and that it was from French avoutrie, which Chaucer used. Also, here's a fun definition of adultery from the 1913 Webster's

The intrusion of a person into a bishopric during the life of the bishop.

[CaseyL]

So much for saying it with flowers :)

Won't greeting cards take some of the zing out of adultery? Isn't some the attraction the clandestine, sneaking-around nature of it?

Greeting cards are so... Establishment.

I suppose the next thing will be a line of gifts commerating each year of the affair. Like the "Paper, linen, crystal" and so on for wedding anniversary presents.

[Jackmormon]

LJ,
The OED seems a little murky on the origins of "adult," but it seems to have a different chain of descent and to be a rather later word.

Here's the OED etymology on adult:

ad. L. adult-us pa. pple. of adolesc-{ebreve}re to grow up; but perh. as first used a direct adoption of the Fr. adulte, a 16th c. adaptation of the L. Though once used by Elyot, not really naturalized till the middle of the 17th c.

The OED corrorborates the internets' etymology of aduterer. My favorite OED variant: "adulterism"! (The noun for the verb "to adulterize.")

Thanks for the new thread, Hilzoy! I still want a gardening post from Slartibartfast, however.

[Opus]

A gardening post? What happened to the Phantom Tollbooth thread??

As for this disgusting idea...well, perhaps some adulterous haiku?

If I had
to do your laundry
I'd break up.

or

She won't understand;
Men cannot be monogamous.
But you won't cheat, right?

Sheesh.

[Bernard Yomtov]

These cards fill a much-needed gap.

(Google tells me that the sentence,

"This book fills a much-needed gap,"

is attributed to the late Moses Hadas, a classicist at Columbia. He is also credited with:

"I have read your book and much like it."

and

"Thank you for sending me a copy of your book - I'll waste no time reading it." )

[rilkefan]

Apropos of nothing: for the latest frog-march-watch news, see davidcorn.com.

[rilkefan]

Great, typepad is mangling links now.

[rilkefan]

Nope, I'm just tired. Here's the Newsweek story.

[hilzoy]

rilkefan: I think that's last week's Newsweek's story, confusingly part of what they annoyingly call the July 11 edition, when it is nothing of the kind. (Why can't magazines just use the date when they actually appear?)

I'll believe the Corn story when I see it. I noticed that same web site told us that Rehnquist was retiring Friday. (Me, not getting hopes up...)

[rilkefan]

hilzoy, here's the correct link. Stupid dating convention. I don't see the spurting blood yet, but the Sunday morning talking heads shows may be interesting...

[Phil]

(Why can't magazines just use the date when they actually appear?)

Because off-sale dates generally are an important part of the contract between publishers and distributors/wholesalers. I used to know a fuller explanation, but I've replaced that part of my memory with Beatles lyrics and movie quotes. Probably Googling "off sale date" and "contract" will give up something more useful.

[Amos Newcombe]

<karnak>
If writing these cards alllows this woman to sublimate her adulterous fantasies instead of acting on them, then, if not necessary, at least it serves a purpose.
</karnak>

Some of them read as if they were written by a dropout of the Hallmark school of greeting-card writing

This was the part that made me go ewww.

[Nell]

The magic of the market.

[Sebastian Holsclaw]

I like the idea of MisFortune Cookies a lot better.

"Don't get on that plane"

"The cook didn't wash his hands"

"Your mother is about to reveal an embarassing picture to someone you are attracted to"

[Slartibartfast]

Since we're headed in this direction, is there anyone here who hasn't visited the Demotivators website?

This one is one of my favorites.

[hilzoy]

Slarti:

I am still devoted to this.

I hope the hurricane isn't hitting too hard where you are.

[Sebastian Holsclaw]

Might have been before your time here Slarti, but I think we actually had most of a thread devoted that website somewhere around here.

[Opus]

Everyone has a preference

[hilzoy]

Some people have two.

[Sebastian Holsclaw]

I have to admit that the limitations one is brilliant.

[Slartibartfast]

Might have been before your time here Slarti, but I think we actually had most of a thread devoted that website somewhere around here.

Not much was before my time, Sebastian. Sometimes things are worth saying more than once, though.

This is my other favorite, but I've already said that elsewhere.

[Sebastian Holsclaw]

Repeating is fine of course. I often double post. :)

[dutchmarbel]

Not much was before my time, Sebastian. Sometimes things are worth saying more than once, though.

And I want to thank you too, Sebastian, for bringing it under our attention :)

We ordered the cards and calender... too many favorites to link too...

[Slartibartfast]

Oh, and hilzoy: thanks, but the hurricane missed us so completely that we only got perhaps an inch of rain.