Yo, humans...yeah, I'm talkin' to youse guys. Listen up!
I been hearin' 'bout some of youse who wanna shoot up cats in Wisconsin. The, uh, whachamacallit? Oh, yeah, the "Kitty Kitty Bang Bang" proposal.
Well, me an my friends got sumpin we wanna tell ya. It ain't gonna be all as one-sided as youse think it's gonna be. That's right. Youse guys shoot at us, an we're gonna shoot back. An we're gonna start with that low-life cat-hating loser Mike Smith:
Hunter Mark Smith welcomes wild birds on to his property, but if he sees a cat, he thinks the "invasive" animal should be considered fair game.
The 48-year-old firefighter from La Crosse has proposed that hunters in Wisconsin make free-roaming domestic cats an "unprotected species" that could be shot at will by anyone with a small-game license.
His proposal will be placed before hunters on April 11 at the Wisconsin Conservation Congress spring hearings in each of the state's 72 counties.
"I get up in the morning and if there's new snow, there's cat tracks under my bird feeder ... I look at them as an invasive species, plain and simple," Smith said.
Now the Wisconsin Conservation Congress (WCC) ain't gonna have the last word on this noways anyhow (although they sponsored the great hate-a-cat-athon held across Wisconsin last night). After those pencil pushers come to some decision, it's got to go to the Natural Resources Board, which would then go to the legislature. But let's be clear. We're makin' a list, an the WCC ain't showin' itself to be no friend to us felines:
Members of the Conservation Congress recognize that cats are companions for individuals. However, it is the pet owners' responsibility to be aware of laws regarding their pets. Pet owners need to be aware that the great outdoors may be hazardous to cats because of potentially fatal hazards such as poisoning, animal attacks, human abuse, traps, diseases and overpopulation.
They forgot to mention that the great outdoors may become hazardous to us cats because of loony, rednecked, wife-beatin', Pabst-swillin', trailer trash with shotguns.
An Wisconsin ain't the only place these anti-cat terrorists are shootin' at us either; it's already legal in Minnesota an South Dakota...what's with youse Northern losers anyway? Youse gotten bored of spellin' your names in the snow?
We've got some friends, mind you. Over at Don't Shoot the Cat youse can learn about non-violent ways to deal with the natural results of all that outdoor kitty lovin':
There are a variety of alternatives to cat-hunting. Trap-and-kill is the most well-known corollary to the concept, although far more humane. Modern approaches are being sought that meet a "no-kill" demand in the rescue community. One method that has been shown to be effective in reducing and/or eliminating feral cat colonies is Trap, Neuter and Release (TNR). Alley Cat Allies and Dane County Friends-of-Ferals are both advocates with a great deal to share on the subject. The ideas of relocating or containing populations of these cats is also being explored and implemented by a number of groups like the Best Frinds Animal Society.
In the end, it don't matter though. Youse guys start shootin' at us, an we're shootin' back...just sayin'
UPDATE: Governor of Wisconsin says there'll be NO KITTY HUNTING. Phew!
Look Edward, you're trying to smear all the kitty-cat hunters with a broad brush. What the cat hunters need is a mascot, like Tweety Bird or Mighty Mouse.
I grew up with Tweety. I, along with Granny and the bulldog, want to defend Tweety.
Posted by: DaveC | April 12, 2005 at 10:42 AM
Dave,
Only someone who doesn't have to walk around the beaver-sized rats in the subway every day or dodge the falling presents from the hordes of pigeons roosting over doorways would consider Mighty Mouse or Tweety as charming as that.
Posted by: Edward | April 12, 2005 at 10:48 AM
A cat with a gat, what a refreshing sight to start the day.
Posted by: Delicious Pundit | April 12, 2005 at 11:10 AM
Allow me to present two possible secenarios that illustrate other problems with cats:
A) You are at the opening of a show at a fancy gallery. A friend comes up to you and says "I think you should know that you have hairs all over the back of your tuxedo, Mr. Underscore."
B) Why can't a man eat some sardines and crackers in peace?
One of these situations happened to me, by the way.
Posted by: DaveC | April 12, 2005 at 11:21 AM
i'm sure there are plenty of hunters killing cats already. i know my grandmother's dogs (Labs) were frequent targets during deer season.
and what's up with the co-opting of "invasing species" ?
Posted by: cleek | April 12, 2005 at 11:28 AM
DaveC, maybe you should start your own blog and do some Friday Dead-Cat Blogging.
Posted by: kenB | April 12, 2005 at 11:29 AM
invasive species
Posted by: cleek | April 12, 2005 at 11:29 AM
Cat...gat
In French, chat, fusillez
In Spanish, el gato with a...rifle
Damn, that's where it falls apart.
Posted by: Slartibartfast | April 12, 2005 at 11:42 AM
What's with the blue starfish thing?
I read somewhere that cats don't predate healthy birds because they're too hard to catch...
Posted by: rilkefan | April 12, 2005 at 11:46 AM
That's not the accent I would have expected from that kitty. Another stereotype shattered. I'm not sure what I did expect, but probably something more like you'd hear from the political assassin in some movie melodrama.
Posted by: Donald Johnson | April 12, 2005 at 12:54 PM
"I read somewhere that cats don't predate healthy birds "
Our cats evidently haven't read that. Of course, now they don't predate healthy birds because they have jingly bells on their collars. They have developed a pretty amazing skill to minimize the jingling, though. When they're prowling they keep their neck completely still. But they jingle a bit anyway and we haven't had any dead birds left as presents in a few months.
Posted by: sidereal | April 12, 2005 at 01:01 PM
Thank you, rilkefan. I, too, have spent many a meditative hour wondering: What's with the blue foam starfish thingie, anyway?
But I thought everyone else knew, and I'd look like The New Kid if I asked :)
Posted by: CaseyL | April 12, 2005 at 01:07 PM
What's with the blue foam starfish thingie, anyway?
Hmmm...
you've got a kitten, holding a minature rifle, whose front left paw seems totally detached from its body, whose rifle inexplicably passes right through the glass of the window, and what bothers you here is a blue starfish thingie?
Posted by: Edward | April 12, 2005 at 01:12 PM
I have it on good account that healthy avian dinosaurs predate cats by quite a healthy span of time.
Posted by: Slartibartfast | April 12, 2005 at 01:20 PM
I have it on good account that healthy avian dinosaurs predate cats by quite a healthy span of time.
and i just learned that Pterodactyl's [sic] still live in Africa!
Posted by: cleek | April 12, 2005 at 01:25 PM
Why is Bill Frist interfering in Wisconsin politics?
Posted by: wilfred | April 12, 2005 at 01:40 PM
I have it on good account that healthy avian dinosaurs predate cats by quite a healthy span of time.
According to Genesis it's only one day, slarti. Birds and fish on the fifth day, beasts of the earth on the sixth.
Posted by: Bernard Yomtov | April 12, 2005 at 02:31 PM
That must have been post-Gabriel Genesis.
Posted by: Slartibartfast | April 12, 2005 at 02:40 PM
Posted by: Wilfred | April 12, 2005 at 02:42 PM
wilfred?
er, uh, cat got your tongue?
hee hee...
Posted by: Edward | April 12, 2005 at 02:43 PM
slarti,
there was no Genesis post Gabriel, just the Phil Collins show!
Posted by: wilfred | April 12, 2005 at 02:45 PM
Posted by: Wilfred | April 12, 2005 at 02:47 PM
I think that's game, set and match to wilfred :)
Posted by: CaseyL | April 12, 2005 at 02:58 PM
CaseyL,
Only if it's catgut his tongue.
Posted by: Dantheman | April 12, 2005 at 03:07 PM
Bowing out of this exchange; I'm experiencing acute angoraphobia.
Posted by: Slartibartfast | April 12, 2005 at 03:12 PM
Yeah sure, see if we'll be distracted from seeking the truth about the blue star by a punfest.
Spill it Underscore! We know you're holding out on us.
Posted by: crionna | April 12, 2005 at 03:22 PM
But they're shiny puns crionna...look at the pretty, shiny puns, how sparkly, how glistening, so bright and radiant. Oooooo....
Posted by: Edward | April 12, 2005 at 03:31 PM
"That's not the accent I would have expected from that kitty."
I think Edward softened it a bit to keep it within the posting rules.
Posted by: Sebastian Holsclaw | April 12, 2005 at 06:28 PM
Only if it's catgut his tongue.
Careful, Dan. Any more like that and you'll come to a vile end.
Posted by: Bernard Yomtov | April 12, 2005 at 08:46 PM
Bernard,
"Careful, Dan. Any more like that and you'll come to a vile end."
Who would do such a bass deed?
Posted by: Dantheman | April 12, 2005 at 10:02 PM
Who would do such a bass deed?
Some people have staffs dedicated to settling scores. They're only too happy to string you up.
Posted by: Bernard Yomtov | April 12, 2005 at 10:20 PM
Bernard,
You have cleft me in twain. I will take note of that.
Speaking of puns, my 2 1/2 year old made her first one. She was watching a PBS kids show about wild animals, and they showed a kinkaju. She turned to my wife and said, "Kinkaju -- gesundheit!".
Posted by: Dantheman | April 13, 2005 at 08:33 AM
I've been meaning to ask ... is your mascot's name Hodge, by chance?
Posted by: nnyhav | April 13, 2005 at 09:00 AM
Dantheman,
keep an eye on that one, she's destined for stardom! ;-)
I've been meaning to ask ... is your mascot's name Hodge, by chance?
You know, I've no idea...smells like a contest to me.
Posted by: Edward | April 13, 2005 at 09:05 AM
Speaking of puns, my 2 1/2 year old made her first one.
What a terrible world, where the sins of the parent are passed on to the child
(note that this is just jealousy talking, my 6 year old just grimaces when I make a pun)
I've been meaning to ask ... is your mascot's name Hodge, by chance?
I'm worried that it might be spelled Haj, and the ObWi crew is about to get a call from Homeland Security.
Posted by: liberal japonicus | April 13, 2005 at 09:14 AM
Only someone who doesn't have to walk around the beaver-sized rats in the subway every day or dodge the falling presents from the hordes of pigeons roosting over doorways would consider Mighty Mouse or Tweety as charming as that.
Edward_ , bless his heart ;), is badly mistaken here. He is thinking of muskrats, not beavers. Muskrats are pretty much the size of cats, and a cat could possibly take 'em on. Beavers are the size of dogs. As large or larger than a beagle or cocker spaniel, for instance.
Now, Edward_ may try to pull some rank with his West Virginia credentials, but I imagine the his WV days were spent drinking beer on the hood of his car parked alongside Kanawha Boulevard on a sultry summer night after a Charleston Charleys game. The chemicals wafting on the summer breeze, from Dow, Dupont, and Carbide, along with the Mickey's Big-Mouths, played tricks on his eyes, and those muskrats seemed to be beavers.
And what's not to like about muskrats? After all, Muskrat Love has to be one of the greatest popular songs of all time!
I like muskrats mister!
I also have voles and shrews and whatnot in my back yard, and even though I'm not going to shoot my neighbor's cat, it bothers me that that darned cat hangs out by my bird feeder, and might cause harm in my suburban rodent sanctuary.
Bottom line is that once a cat or dog is feral, and not a pet, then it is a varmint. I think that unless you have a barn, or at least a garage, that you hang out in, you should not have a say about whether or not people should be able to shoot feral cats and dogs.
Posted by: DaveC | April 13, 2005 at 10:35 AM
Hmmm....I kinda do have West Virgina credentials, by the way--there's a ridge named for my maternal grandfather's family there somewhere, although I've only ever driven through.
I think that unless you have a barn, or at least a garage, that you hang out in, you should not have a say about whether or not people should be able to shoot feral cats and dogs.
Why stop with cats then? I personally find most birds to be little more than flying rodents. How about open season on all them too?
And if being "feral" is the key here, how about open season on homeless people? They're rummaging through my garbage, keeping me up all hours of the night, more than cats or dogs are.
But no, we can't go there...that's not humane.
I recognize the problem and need for a solution. I just think a systematic, state-controlled solution is better than leaving it haphazardly up to which ever drunken cousin of Elmer Fudd happens to see a cat in his yard.
Posted by: Edward | April 13, 2005 at 10:54 AM
Dear Edward_,
I don't think of birds as flying rodents, although I kind of agree with the sentiments of a friend when he referred to what I call "English Sparrow", in a translated European term, "Rat Finches". If we could train the cats to only kill that specie of bird, I'd be all for it.
My point of view is that I live in the Mississippi flyway It is an absolute thrill to be around during the migration of warblers, like this Blackburnian Warbler. One year I had 15 different species of warbler in my yard on 1 day!
But warblers don't nest here. There are 3 basic reasons that we don't have them:
First of all there are the cats. University of Wisconsin ornithologist, Dr. Stanley Temple estimates that 20-150
million songbirds are killed each year by rural cats in Wisconsin alone. Feline predation is not "natural."
The second problem is the Cowbirds, that are parasitic in that they lay their eggs in other songbirds nests.
The third problem is that there is not enough contiguous forest for the warblers to live in. They need about 1 mile square in order to be deep enough in the forest not to be preyed on by the cats and cowbirds.
This issue has been discussed among birders for a long time.
* * * *
Now, as you might have guessed, I have a cat, too. A neutered indoorsy cat.
But there are problems with him as well.
Say for instance, it's a special occasion, and a guy might want to prepare a fancy meal. Not just the finest sardines, but with special crackers, say Chicken-In-A-Biscuit or Wheat Thins. And maybe some capers and giardinera on the side. You turn to retrieve a beverage from the frigidaire, and then in the blink of an eye, not only is kitty up on the kitchen counter, but he is tracking little crumbs of grey clay! It's an outrage!
Posted by: DaveC | April 13, 2005 at 01:59 PM
Mark Smith sounds like a pin-headed idiot. I'm sorry, but if someone harms my companion animals, there WILL be consequences, and dire ones at that.
I went to a lecture about Birding in North Dakota. I enjoyed the talk, until the leader discussed how he would freely shoot cats anywhere NEAR his bird feeders. I was put off with wanting anything to do with this organization right then.
Deliberately harming cats/kittens fills me with a terrible RAGE. I don't ever want to act on this rage.
Perhaps all us "cat people" had best train our beasts to stay indoors if the intent of these Wisconsin/elsewhere nutheads becomes reality.
Craig
Posted by: Craig S. McLean | April 13, 2005 at 02:07 PM
PS, I was under the impression that you originally hailed from WV. But then you would probably have copped a handle like "Ed_ from Nitro
".
Posted by: DaveC | April 13, 2005 at 02:09 PM
I was under the impression that you originally hailed from WV.
What is it? The drawl?
Posted by: Edward | April 13, 2005 at 03:03 PM
Well, I guess I need to add my two cents to this discourse. My husband, Craig, brought this commentary to my attention, saying when I woke up late after a rocky night with GERD symptoms, and asked how his morning had been... "fine, until I read about some proposed legislation in Wisconsin which would let people legally shoot cats which stray into their yards" WHA-A---A-AAT?
I still can't believe it. We love and feed birds, and have tried (unfortunately unsuccessfully)to rescue the 2 or 3 birds we have found in distress in our yard due to our own and/or our neighbor cat's hunting.To love cats does not mean we don't love birds... but cats will be cats and birds will be birds...
As usual it seems that it is the humans who have such dire and deep trouble figuring out an identity and behavior code which allows for differences and respect of other species (or even others of their own species).
Anyone concerned about the decline in bird population could (in my not so humble opinion!) better spend their passion for protecting their favored speicies (birds) in becoming active in lobbying for legislation furthering and funding such worthy causes as forest and wetland avian/fowl oases establishment; restrictions on and if necessary elimination of bird and fowl 'sports' hunting, environmental pollution reduction and stringent financial consequencing of corporate entites from smokestack industries to sprawl developers with funds to be spent in aid of establishing and supporting bird forest sanctuaries, and toxin-free habitats and waterways.
Pause.. gather energy to go on.. YIKES -- So many angles of craziness to this topic that I hardly know what to tackle next.. but just off the top of the mental list rapidly forming and steam-brewing let me just ask the following leading questions:
1. If it is legally 'okay' for you to shoot my beloved feline companion of 10 or more years because she (spayed she!) 'strays' over an invisible-to-her property line into your yard to stalk a sparrow.. why would it not also 'okay' for me to shoot your beloved dog when he or she 'strays' into our yard to stalk one of our cats?
Believe me- we have had to pay some huge vet bills because of 'straying' dogs!!- yet so far we have not shot any CANINES in 'retaliation', even though our own most 'preferred' species for intimate interspecies communication and doting upon and is FELINE!
By the way- we have also considered that we would love to 'have'/keep birds as 'pets' - but it just seems too cruel to us to keep a bird indoors and in a cage.. (and similarly it seems too cruel to us to declaw a cat and/or keep it always indoors, or even encumbered by a collar upon which it could become entangled/strangled ! (Hey- how would you like to wear a cow bell around your neck 24/7!)..I saw some news blip recently about Martha Stewart venting complaints about the uncomfortable ankle montior she was wearing)..
2. What if an intentionally mean HUMAN came into our yard or house attempting to taunt or hurt our beloved cats? Is it be 'okay' (legal?) for us to shoot them if the person has 'strayed' onto our property ? What if they are pelting stones from the sidewalk, causing injury? What if they are shooting from across the street?
Should we shoot the neighbor (and/or his pets) from across the street whose (hunting) dog roams, whose (declawed) cat roams, whose hay wagon-ride-thru-town horses leave poop in the town streets and who told us that he wanted to shoot the family of 5 screech owls we had been appreciating and admiring with another neighbor in a tree on her property? (He'd joined us and opined thought the screech owls should all be killed because he (probably erroneously) believed that screech owls hunt and kill pheasants .. which are the main (and abundant) local draw for luring hundreds of hunters to our area during bird hunting season.
3. Should we shoot bird hunters for shooting birds (especially the ones who don't ask for permission to hunt on private land or those who ignore No Hunting posting or those who (seemingly every year)'inadvertantly'/accidentally also manage to shoot each other, themselves , some local farmer's family member or some farmer's livestock )?
4. We have witnessed some neighborhood kids chasing and teasing our cats..and heard them laughing amongst themselves when they can get their (unleashed) dog to chase one up a tree- yet, so far, we have resisted the urge to 'plug' the HUMAN CHILDREN (or their CANINE) in retaliation!.
But- maybe we should we feel free to shoot them- or try to intiate legislation that would make that 'okay'? Would it make a difference if it was a child or an adult.. would the answer to that question change if the human was wearing a jingle bell charm bracelet, a vets 'dog tag', belonged to a family, or was a 'stray'/homeless person ?? (Our vet recently introduced us to a family of kittens which had been dropped off at their doorstep which she 'best-guessed' had been mutilated (blinded) and then(sort of) rescued by someone too ashamed to call attention to what the child (or possibly another adult in the family) had done...
What if we finally 'grew up' as a species ourselves and left the 'option' of using guns and shooting anyone or any creature completely out of 'solving' these questions, and were thus open to find other, more civil, more creative, more 'humane' (?!), more interspecies-respectful solutions to ALL our problems!
In the meantime- it just seems insane to me that an individual who perceives a problem (such as declining bird population) can legally take it upon him or herself to 'solve' that problem with a weapon. One person's perceived problem, 'solved' with such an approach is so obviously going to impinge upon another individual's sense of 'turf' and perception of a different problem that it is an obvious recipe for escalating and disastrous hostilities and LACK of truly creative and civil problem solving dialogue amongst all of us!
'Solutions' involving weapons and fostering an individual sense of entitlement to 'solve' a perceived problem (such as bird population decrease)through weaponry, surely will create climates of polarized position-taking, armed hostility and retaliatory gun 'accidents'- will both seed and foster suspicion and ill-will amongst neighbors, foster conflicting holier-than-thou-ist attitudinal entrenchment!!
In short- shooting at problems of any sort seems to me to the absolute basest and most negative possible way to go about addressing ANYONE's concerns on ANY front! The drop in bird population certainly is sending all of us an alarming message.. but I think shooting at cats is entirely missing the point, passing the buck and unfortunately oversimplifying and hostiliz-ing a much wider entanglement of inter-related concerns and issues..
WE need to look at our own species negative impact on bird population levels FIRST before we start making war on the kitty cats and on our neighbors beloved interspecies soul-companions!
Posted by: Susan D McLean | April 13, 2005 at 05:21 PM
If a power plant was built in Wisconsin that killed 30 million birds a year, there would be a huge uproar, and some sort of solution would be sought to mitigate its effects.
Now, in case you don't know this, some people think that they can get rid of their non-companion, unwanted, problem cats by driving the cat out into the country and letting the cat out. That is the source of the problem that the Wisconsin Conservation Congress is trying to address.
Posted by: DaveC | April 13, 2005 at 06:51 PM
"Wis. Governor Rejects Cat - Hunting Idea
By THE ASSOCIATED PRESS
Published: April 13, 2005
Filed at 7:12 p.m. ET
MADISON, Wis. (AP) -- A proposal to legalize the killing of feral cats is not going to succeed, Gov. Jim Doyle said Wednesday........."
Looks like your mascot made a cat's paw outta Doyle.
Posted by: Tad Brennan | April 13, 2005 at 07:28 PM
Look, there's an easy answer to the problem of stray cats in Wisconsin: Senator Bill Frist. Just get him to go up there and "adopt" them all like he did when he was in medical school, where he regularly made the rounds of the animal shelters to gather up cats to sell to animal research centers (for the ones he didn't dissect himself). Then I bet you wouldn't have a stray cat problem at all!
- Badtux the Snarky Penguin
Posted by: BadTux | April 14, 2005 at 12:23 AM
Who cares about some stray cats ? With all the problems in the world your talking about cats ? Think maybe some one should read a book or get informed about "real" news and stop acting like your 12 and want to save every creature that isfurry !!
Posted by: Ratman | April 26, 2005 at 03:44 AM
Think maybe some one should read a book or get informed about "real" news and stop acting like your 12 and want to save every creature that isfurry !!
Very good advice Ratman.
By the way, your psuedonym wouldn't have anything to do with your adversity toward cats would it?
Posted by: Edward | April 26, 2005 at 09:40 AM
lol , na I really like cats ,last cat I had lived to be 15 , before I had to get her put to sleep.It all just seems silly to me , the hunters ( if you call killing a cat a "hunt", lol)and the animal people on the other side eating chicken mic-nuggets and wearing leather shoes.In my 40 years of life Ive learned one thing "screw the planet,save the people !"( Gearge Carlin) Oh crap its late again lol.
Posted by: Ratman | April 27, 2005 at 02:49 AM
hey
this pic. is sooooo cute i lllllllllluuuuuuuuuuuuvvvvvvvvvvvv kittens i really want one for my birthday. my sister got a kitten between hurrican charlie and the one after that, that she found and saved from getting squashed, because ppl thaought it was a rat. she was like 3 days old and the only one around. she is still with us today and her name is onyx and is as rambuntious as ever and annoying the hell out of our other cat trouble. this year my fourth block teacher got an email of the cutest pics of animals and one was of a kitten that was "being held up" because the front paws were up and it had an "i didnt do it" look on its face its an orange tabby, just go to google images, kittens with guns and it is like the first pic.
Posted by: jd | April 27, 2007 at 11:14 PM
u mam suck man this is a fucking fake cat twat
Posted by: your dad | October 08, 2007 at 02:46 PM
fuck you man i thout i was binlade not that fucking fake cat twat so fuvk off before i come and kick your ass man bitch
Posted by: biladen | October 08, 2007 at 02:49 PM
he is soooooooooooooooooo cute!BUT I THINK HE WENT KRAZY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Posted by: maritza penn | February 26, 2008 at 01:46 PM