The Poor Man Is On Fire Tonight

This is more or less an open thread, whose pitiful excuse for existence is that, as the title says, the Poor Man is so funny that I have to quote him (them?) here. First, while I have resisted the temptation to post about Jeff Gannon -- easy to do, since the temptation in question is hard to detect even with very powerful instruments -- the Poor Man succumbs:

"Everyone is still missing the point of the story. The story is not, as nitwits like Howie Kurtz maintain, that people are being mean to someone just because he's conservative. The story is not that Gannon is a hypocrite for promoting an anti-gay agenda. The story is not even that the White House gave such access to a reporter for a dummy news service operating under an assumed name, and may have used him to expose Valerie Plame. This is not the story.

The story is that God exists.

Think about it: what are the chances that a media whore like Gannon would turn out to be an actual whore? It's impossible. It boggles the mind how infinitely unlikely this is. It's like if you found someone pirating CDs, and it turns out he actually had a peg leg and a parrot on his shoulder and sailed around the Caribbean saying "arrrrrr!" and plundering booty. You wouldn't believe it. But there it is: impossible, but true. Impossible truths are miracles, and only God can work miracles. Ergo, God exists. Q.E.D."

For the record, I agree with the Poor Man, and everyone else, that the story here has absolutely nothing to do with what what Howard Kurtz calls Gannon's "personal life" (and since when has prostitution been part of one's personal life? Last I heard, it was a profession), and everything to do with how on earth he got access to, for instance, the Valerie Plame memo. But I don't think this story is nearly as important as, oh, the deficit, Social Security, Iraq, North Korea, and the like. Humor, however, is as important as anything else in life, and so in addition I bring you part of a story called:

Falling Reentlistment Rates Among Right Wing Pundits Threaten War on Terror

Some pundits, however, continue to serve their cause, no matter the cost. We caught with the unit of PFC Jonah Goldberg during a pitched battle against some objectively pro-Saddam Bush-haters. Goldberg shouted over the sound of mouse clicks and key strokes exploding all around. “There’s just three of us here now,” he said. “That there’s K-Lo, and over here is Derbyshire, but we call him Jelly Roll.” Pvt. Derbyshire looked up from his hand with pupils like saucers, and a look on his face halfway between ecstasy and terror.

“I tell you what, guv’nah,” said Derbyshire, drawing closer. “I seen the afterlife. You know what I seen? I seen the afterlife, and I know what it’s like. It’s like, it’s like it’s ripped, man, but with bears. Bears, man. Don’t you see? It’s ripped with bears!” He fell back, sobbing, and then laughing, then totally silent.

“It’s like this,” said Goldberg said, grabbing a fistful of Cheetos from his pack. “I believed in this fight, and my country needed me. They needed able-bodied men – doughy, able to handle the rigors of sitting in a swivel chair for seven, eight hours at a time, and not afraid to put on a little TV make-up when the shit gets heavy. So I signed up.” He spit Cheetos-orange on the carpet. “Any man who won’t opinionate for his country and what he believes … well, I don’t call that a man at all.” At that he pulled up the sleeve on his regulation-issue Tommy Hilfiger powder-blue dress shirt to show me the tattoo on his meaty, girlish bicep. 'Born to Bloviate', it read, emblazoned on the bulging tummy of the Pillsbury Doughboy - the symbol of the feared 101st Fighting Keyboarders.”

Comments

[blogbudsman]

It'll be interesting how Howard Dean will fit into the equation. Now that the Democrats have themselves a bonafide personality leading their National Committee, right wing pundits self esteem ought to be bolstered. The late night political comics ought to be toasting the town, knowing they'll have many years of guaranteed material with this James Carville reincarnate. Sure his job (and his strength)is building on the grass roots organization and fund raising he help expand that was handed over to and wasted by John Kerry. Maybe it'll be like Dick Chaney's vice president search. I'm sure Howard Dean thinks he knows who the best candidate is. This is going to be an incredibly interesting few years. Yeeeeeaaaaaaaahh!!

[bobski]

The link to the individual article is the icon. "War" click war for the article you mentioned, or

http://thepoorman.net/gl/index.php?topic=war

After right click copy & paste.

[Timmy the Wonder Dog]

I enjoyed the MSM effort to change the subject. A great story, yet untold, is the makeup of the WH press corp. It would make for a very interesting story but this story is more interesting.

Just one more question, can someone be both gay and conservative? Just asking.

[Jesurgislac]

It would make for a very interesting story but this story is more interesting.

This story is more important than either.

But why that the Bush administration expected to be able to get away with using a fake reporter to pose softball questions for the White House Press Secretary is an interesting question - just as it's an interesting question why Jordan Eason got hounded out of his job for raising the subject of journalists killed by US soldiers.

[cleek]

i enjoyed Timmy's effort to change the subject. actually, no, i didn't.

[Kevin Brennan]

Well, I guess at least we now know why Gannon/Guckert used an alias...

[Edward]

can someone be both gay and conservative

Sebastian...that one's for you. ;-)

Timmy, with all due respect, there is nothing more interesting, from a human gossip point of view, than the Gannon scandal: pure karma in action. Most of this broke while I was incommunicado last week and when I started seeing bits and pieces of it around the blogosphere I simply could not believe how "juicy" (as my partner calls the best gossip) this story was. It just keeps getting better and better. Of course, that all depends on whether you're happy to see this make McClellan and his team squirm or not, which, admittedly, I am.

I wrote a very elaborate post on this yesterday, pointing to all the salacious details, and then thought better of acutually publishing it here (but if you want the real dirt, and by "dirt" I do mean "dirt," see Ameriblog)...Poor Man strikes the right tone. This is not an important story, but it is wholly entertaining and deserves our best satirists best efforts. Of course, any other embarassing revelations and that will be much like shooting marlin in a...you know.

By the way Timmy, blogbudsman did a much better job of trying to change the subject...your competition is gaining on you!

[Edward]

Oh, and to put this is context, The Conservative Voice asks the right questions about this:

The bigger question is how did “Gannon” gain inside access to the White House only five days after Talon News Service was established? Was that long enough to run a background check? Did he have inside help? Did an earlier background check only turn up the problem that it would not look good if he were reporting for GOPUSA?

Finally there are the blackmail questions which exist for gays who are not “out of the closet”. Was Guckert blackmailing someone associated with the White House? Was somebody blackmailing Guckert or using Guckert’s services to blackmail someone else?

“Gannon” definitely got special treatment from the White House. So far the White House has denied this, saying anybody in a similar position could get daily press passes. Refusing to acknowledge his special treatment only leads to speculation that blackmail is somehow involved.

[Jesurgislac]

"So far the White House has denied this, saying anybody in a similar position could get daily press passes."

The Plaid Adder's response to this was:

So, according to Scott, I could appoint myself the White House bureau chief for Viper News and apply for a daily pass under the Plaid Adder name, and get into White House press briefings.

And you know, if I lived in the area, I would try it just to see what happened.cite

[blogbudsman]

Edward, I imagine someone can be gay and conservative; and black and conservative; and even elderly and conservative. The challenge would surviving the noise and character assassination from the hysterical liberal power brokers that take great umbrage in such heresy. They would obviously need far more intestinal fortitude than exhibited by Jordan Eason. And I guess this is 'less' than an open thread.

[Edward]

And I guess this is 'less' than an open thread.

Hmmmm...I'll give you the benefit of doubt on this, but will note that to me your transition suggested you were trying to say, "Yeah, but look over at the yelling lunatic over there" as a distraction.

[cleek]

the noise and character assassination

hey, did you come out defending Kerry when Gannon was out there spreading rumors about Kerry's alleged infidelity ?

the hysterical liberal power brokers

ah... i should've read further. you're just trolling.

[Jesurgislac]

Blogbudsman: the noise and character assassination from the hysterical liberal power brokers that take great umbrage in such heresy

Again, this would be one for Sebastian: Sebastian? Ever meet any "liberal power brokers" (hysterical or otherwise)? (And who were they, if you're allowed to say?)

I would have thought the problem for a gay conservative would be the fact that the people you support are very likely to be either homophobic, or enablers of homophobia. (To a certain extent, it's a problem for all of us, not just conservatives, and it's far from being a clear-cut dividing line - but usually the more right-wing someone is, the more likely they are to support homophobic ideas.)

Nothing says that a male prostitute who has male customers has to be gay himself, of course. Gannon has written homophobic articles for publication, and he himself may self-identify as a straight man who whores himself to men for pay.

(Unsurprisingly, GOPUSA have pulled Gannon's article Kerry Could Become First Gay President from their website, but of course it's still retrievable from a Google cache for now.)

[Paul]

Just one more question, can someone be both gay and conservative? Just asking.

Thinking of switching? Anyway, maybe the question is "Can a conservative be an internet man-whore and still get White House press credentials by knowing the right people?"

[Slartibartfast]

I'm going to refrain from commenting on this, for the nonce. But you don't need me to tell you that Gannon/Guckert's access to the WH appears to be somewhat...fast-tracked.

As for him being a plant, well, that's always a possibility, but still unknown. If I were Karl Rove, though, I'd have planted someone like Helen Thomas. Hey...maybe I'm onto something here.

[Edward]

the noise and character assassination from the hysterical liberal power brokers

And what exactly is the "character assassination" here? Gannon rented himself out to men, apparently for a very hefty price. It looks like he assassinated his character himself to me.

[The Editors]

There should be a link at the bottom of each story that says "Link to this story". (I just put it there.) Glad you like.

[Jesurgislac]

Slarti mused; As for him being a plant, well, that's always a possibility, but still unknown.

I think he's a petunia, myself.

[Slartibartfast]

If we're in full-tilt speculation mode, I submit that Gannon just might be this decade's David Brock. Picture me with tongue wedged in cheek so hard that...well, nevermind.

[Edward]

I think he's a petunia, myself.

Now, now...

I'll state the glorious karma aspect of this again. Gannon so much more than deserves his 15 minutes of shame. He taunted the left so viciously. If he can't take it, he shouldn't be dishing it out.

[Slartibartfast]

He taunted the left so viciously.

And the evidence mounts...

[LizardBreath]

Good heavens this is funny. You do have to feel terribly, terribly sorry for whoever it was inside the White House who was responsible for getting him press credentials -- whether or not there was any personal relationship, the guy has to be sweating blood. (Unless it's a woman, I guess, in which case she's probably okay.)

[CaseyL]

The Gannon-Guckert story really pisses me off. When it first broke, I thought it would be a story about a fake journalist being groomed by a RW think tank to derail press conferences; a fake journalist who was one of th Plame leakers and might have been given access to classififed documents. All of which are substantive issues. I didn't give a damn about the gay-prostitute angle, except insofar as that proved the man wasn't what or who the WH said he was.

Instead, AmeriBlog's Great Big Earthshaking story turned into Ken Starr-style porn-mongering. I said as much on Eschaton. Before John finally posted his story, I looked at the teasers and said, this isn't going to be about access or impersonation; it's going to be about sex and nothing more. (You would not believe the denunciations that earned me from the posters at Eschaton: they called me a paid-troll brownshirt. Which is amusing and bemusing, since anyone who reads my posts here knows I'm about as anti-Bush as can be.)

It's disappointing to see how automatically and effortlessly the story was reduced to cheap titillation. Surprising, no. Disappointing, yes. If there are substantive issues behind the Gannon-Guckert tale, they're not going to be addressed at all.

[Jesurgislac]

Slarti: Now, now...

Well, you brought up the possibility he might be a plant: which plant did you have in mind?

That McClellan used Gannon as a respite from actual questions seems to be a fact well-known among real reporters with access to White House press briefings. So in that sense, of course he's a plant.

[Jesurgislac]

Edward, Slarti, my apologies for mixing the two of you up.

[John Thullen]

"Just one more question, can someone be both gay and conservative? Just asking."

Well, yeah! They can be both a conservative and a prostitute, too. It's the big tent, with little rooms upstairs and the parlour looks sanitary. The Christmas creche has the faint aroma of Lysol about it, in case James Dobson happens by. All comers welcome. And onerous, horribly burdensome tax rates can't even dissuade them from turning as many tricks as possible. Special favors for the local authorities and discounts for the boys home from war, too. Just saying. Of course, this is all in the underground economy which no one here nor my mother the Republican know anything about.

Blogbudsman: "...James Carville incarnate." It's a shame that he's not. I thought you guys were more discriminating. If hooking works, I'm all for Democrats adopting those methods.

[Jesurgislac]

CaseyL: When it first broke, I thought it would be a story about a fake journalist being groomed by a RW think tank to derail press conferences; a fake journalist who was one of th Plame leakers and might have been given access to classififed documents. All of which are substantive issues.

Yes. Like the Plame story was about a covert CIA agent being betrayed by someone senior in the Bush administration - which got consistently spun by right-wingers as "We have no evidence that ever happened! And besides, look at what her husband did!"

If Slarti's reaction is anything to go by, the "skeptical" right-wingers will claim there's no evidence for any of the substantive issues, while asserting nobly that what a man may have done to pay the bills before he became an accredited reporter at the White House is nobody's business but his own... and his customers.

[Slartibartfast]

'sallright, Jesurgislac. Some days I too have a hard time remembering who I am.

seems to be a fact well-known among real reporters with access to White House press briefings

Is Helen Thomas one of those? Because frequently her questions seem unreal.

Oh, I ought to stop right here and state that until further notice, nothing I say on this thread should be taken seriously. For those of you already in the not-taking-Slart-seriously mode, this should be a breeze.

[Edward]

Edward, Slarti, my apologies for mixing the two of you up.

Not at all...I was actually laughing while writing that...very funny!

If there are substantive issues behind the Gannon-Guckert tale, they're not going to be addressed at all.

I'm not so sure CaseyL. The cheap angle will guarantee this doesn't just go away and the bigger MSM fish will start looking into the important part of this (i.e., whether he was a deliberate plant). They can't begin to touch the stuff Ameriblog is reporting.

[Slartibartfast]

They can't begin to touch the stuff Ameriblog is reporting.

There's all kinds of mileage to be gotten from this, but I...I...I hold myself in too high esteem for that. Yeah, that's it.

[Jesurgislac]

Slarti: Some days I too have a hard time remembering who I am.

Well, I tell myself that at least each of you are likely to construe it as a compliment that I mistook one of you for the other...

[Edward]

There's all kinds of mileage to be gotten from this,

Come on...do share. I look at this story as a Mardi Gras of sorts...let your hair down and milk it for all the fun it's worth. Yes, there's a real human being with feeling at the butt-end of all the jokes, but his 15 minutes will pass and I'm sure he'll find his way into the Best Seller's list with his tell-all memoirs. Besides, he's not exactly an innocent bystander in all this.

[Slartibartfast]

Yes, there's a real human being with feeling at the butt-end of all the jokes

Stop it! I'm at work, and people are looking at me funny.

[Gromit]

I agree that the Gannon/Guckert story shouldn't distract from more consequential issues, but it is rather interesting that the media figure singled out by the right-wing blogs as a supposed propaganda tool has 23 years experience in the field of journalism (you know, actually gathering news from somewhere other than White House talking points) whose error was making two controversial statements that were highly subject to interpretation, while the figure singled out by the left-wing is a certified propaganda tool; he literally took a two-day class on being a shill. So, would it be fair to say that some just have a better nose for this sort of thing than others?

That the result for both men was essentially the same is a sad comment on the state of the country.

The challenge would surviving the noise and character assassination from the hysterical liberal power brokers that take great umbrage in such heresy.

Okay, my irony meter just exploded.

James Carville reincarnate

Oh, I get it. Just throwing anything, everything, and hoping something sticks, huh, blogbudsman?

[liberal japonicus]

I look at this story as a Mardi Gras of sorts...let your hair down and milk it for all the fun it's worth.

If that's the case...

Yes, there's a real human being with feeling at the butt-end of all the jokes

I knew this this thread was going to bottom out at some point, but I certainly didn't expect Edward to give the straight line.

[Sebastian Holsclaw]

"can someone be both gay and conservative"

No, but you can be homosexual and conservative, you just have to be dour as well.

Re: Gannon, at least he isn't a bad-looking prostitute. Very little is sadder than a bad-looking prostitute.

I've read the Salon piece on him, and I have a question. What is the Plame thing? People seem convinced he saw a classified document. Why do they think that, and as someone asked, would that make him more or less of a reporter? ;)

"but his 15 minutes will pass and I'm sure he'll find his way into the Best Seller's list with his tell-all memoirs."

Heh, the only thing likely to be more lucrative on a per-hour basis than his previous profession is book-touring.

[Gromit]

Why do they think that, and as someone asked, would that make him more or less of a reporter?

That depends, was it stapled to one of the White House fact sheets he apparently cribbed liberally from?

[Edward]

but I certainly didn't expect Edward to give the straight line.

What's the expiration date on my "jet lag" excuse?

I'll cling to that until otherwise notified. ;-)

[Sebastian Holsclaw]

Ah, just saw more of the rather revealing pictures. Someone needs to tell Jeff that you are supposed to take a roll, and then get rid of the bad shots. You don't just put all of them up on the internet. Sheesh. Thats why you only see a very limited number of photos on my site--well zero, but I don't photograph well....

[Edward]

I knew this this thread was going to bottom out at some point

ye of little faith...it can always get lower...for example,

Very little is sadder than a bad-looking prostitute.

Reminds me of this story John Waters me* told of a 70-year-old stripper in a trailer near Baltimore who dimmed the lights down so low the patrons only knew she was there by the sound and (John's words) the smell.

*Waters has bought art from me. He's hysterical in person.

[praktike]

the pirate thing is the funniest paragraph ever written.

[liberal japonicus]

You know, there were stories about how the Reagans had a number of gay acquaintances so maybe Bush is simply trying to close the gap.

[Catsy]

Thats why you only see a very limited number of photos on my site--well zero, but I don't photograph well....

You've got an escort site too, Seb? I have some friends here in Seattle who'd like to know, but they'll want pictures. :D

</veryextremelyjoking>

[Catsy]

I knew this this thread was going to bottom out at some point

I know, and it was a terrible blow when it happened, but when I saw the opportunity, I took it in the end.

Besides, here at ObWi we're bent on giving each other a good ribbing if there's fun to be had in it. It just goes to show how tight we are.

[Sebastian Holsclaw]

Nope, if I were an escort I wouldn't keep my day job, and I would definitely work out at the gym a bit more. Hmm, maybe I'll post a volleyball picture though.

[Catsy]

Obsidian Wings 2006 Calendar, anyone?

[murat]

I am in :)

[hilzoy]

Sebastian: "What is the Plame thing?" This Washington Post story cites him as having referenced the internal CIA memo. It's based on a Talon News interview he did with Wilson, which (like all Gannon's stories) has since been pulled from the Talon News site. He also wrote an article (likewise pulled, the quote is from kos) that said:

"I raised all of these questions with Wilson in October 2003 in an interview for Talon News. Since I was aware of the INR report, I confronted him about it.

What is difficult to understand is the reason that the CIA would want to discredit this report.  The first clue came when the agents from the FBI came to my home in March 2003 to question me in connection to the leak probe.  I was flattered to think that I was important enough to be included among the luminaries like Andrea Mitchell, Tim Russert and Chris Matthews who were also named in a Justice Department subpoena of records from the White House.  But most of the questions were about the INR report.  They wanted to know where I got it and what I knew about it.  Of course, as a journalist there wasn't much I could say without revealing my sources.  I'm sure they were not satisfied, but it made me wonder why they were so interested in a document the CIA said was false."

One way to read the fact that he apparently saw the memo is that he was a very good reporter, despite his lack of experience and training. But it's not the only way.

[Slartibartfast]

Trip into seriousness, here:

Via Instapundit, the U.S. Appeals Court has rules that journalists must testify about their sources in the Plame matter.

Back to your regularly scheduled silliness.

[Sebastian Holsclaw]

The thing about that quote (unless I'm missing something) is that he references an INR report that I have been aware of for at least a year. Actually I'm relatively sure that I heard rumors about it more than a year ago (it formed the basis for the Plame reccommended Wilson for the Niger mission meme which turned out to be true). And I'm quite sure that I didn't get it leaked from the White House. I can't find the exact time the memo news broke, so I can't utilize the timeline to make sense of that issue.

[Dantheman]

"Trip into seriousness"

The folks at ObWings occasionally trip into seriousness. They typically then pick themselves up and continue walking.

[hilzoy]

Sebastian: I haven't done the research myself, but the kos timeline suggests that the memo surfaced on October 17, 2003. Gannon published an interview in which he seems to have knowledge of it 11 days later. Moreover, unlike you, he was questioned by the FBI about how he knew about it. Media Matters quotes the following exchange with Wolf Blitzer from a few days ago:

GANNON: And the FBI did come to interview me. They were interested in where -- how I knew or received a copy of a confidential CIA memo that said that Valerie Plame suggested that Joe Wilson be sent on this mission, something that everybody -- they have all vigorously denied but is, in effect, true.

BLITZER: So they didn't make you go testify before the grand jury?

GANNON: No.

BLITZER: Do you have to reveal how you got that memo?

GANNON: No.

BLITZER: They didn't ask you?

GANNON: Well, the FBI kept asking. I said, well, look, I'm a journalist, I can't --

BLITZER: You didn't tell them?

GANNON: Yes. Can't divulge that. And they accepted that, and I've never been asked again.

FWIW, I am not trying to make a point, particularly; just to explain why I think he seems to have had access to the memo, which seems odd.

[caleb]

The funniest, and saddest, thing about this whole Gannon/Guckert thing is the righties trying to legitimize this by comparing a gay male prostitute to Samuel Clemens.

[rilkefan]

Dantheman, you misspelled walking.

[hilzoy]

Pharyngula has sorted out the Poor Man's argument and put it in logical form. New logical operators are involved, as is a novel argument for the existence of God. Math and logic geeks should check it out.

[Gromit]

Okay, now you have me wanting a font with the "bullpoop" operator in it.

[Sebastian Holsclaw]

Right, I had read that interview, and I still wasn't sure when Gannon had the memo. But it seems to me if he got the memo sometime after its existance was well known, it doesn't say much of anything other than that he was a journalist (or successfully posing as a journalist) at the time and also in Washington DC.

The Media matters quotes don't even really show that he has the memo, except that he claims he did--and this is from someone who claims his name was Gannon.

The October 28th interview with Wilson for instance shows no more knowledge about the memo than I had at the time: "An internal government memo prepared by U.S. intelligence personnel details a meeting in early 2002 where your wife, a member of the agency for clandestine service working on Iraqi weapons issues, suggested that you could be sent to investigate the reports." By October 28th, that was well known. It was being denied at the time by Wilson, (I think, my timeline on Wilson's stories isn't firmly in my mind) but it was well known by those following the story at the time.

The Editor & Publisher article stated that Gannon "threw into question media accounts suggesting that he had seen a classified CIA document critical to the Plame case, saying he had made references to the 'internal memo,' but adding, 'I never said I had it or had seen it.' But when asked if he had in fact seen it, he declined to say."

I don't know what this shows. It is classic for a reporter who has seen things to decline to say that he has seen them, but it is also classic for a social climber to insinuate that he has seen things that he has not by declining to say. So it sounds like information but doesn't help us.

[Slartibartfast]

I just love the 'possibly-therefore-true" operator. It'd save a great deal of space in comments.

[Sebastian Holsclaw]

I can't believe I'm spending time on this, but I do have a weakness for bald men....

JustOneMinute notices the following close parallel in language between the WSJ report on the memo and Gannon's knowledge of the memo:

WSJ:

The memo, prepared by U.S. intelligence personnel, details a meeting in early 2002 where CIA officer Valerie Plame and other intelligence officials gathered to brainstorm about how to verify reports that Iraq had sought uranium yellowcake from Niger.

Gannon interviewing Wilson (huh? interviewing Wilson!?!):

An internal government memo prepared by U.S. intelligence personnel details a meeting in early 2002 where your wife, a member of the agency for clandestine service working on Iraqi weapons issues, suggested that you could be sent to investigate the reports. Do you dispute that?

[Slartibartfast]

This, on the other hand, is just laugh-out-loud funny.

[Edward]

Yes, but so then is this...

[Slartibartfast]

I'm wondering if that's available as a Halloween mask. Maybe I can pay for it with the money I'll save by not being able to eat for a week or so.

[Slartibartfast]

I'm wondering if that's available as a Halloween mask. Maybe I can pay for it with the money I'll save by not being able to eat for a week or so.

[Catsy]

Meanwhile, in the department of way too close to home, it's never a comforting thing to stroll past a yard full of FBI agents when you're walking to the nearby day care to pick up your kid.

[Bernard Yomtov]

the righties trying to legitimize this by comparing a gay male prostitute to Samuel Clemens.

Huh? What's that about?

[LizardBreath]

Pen name. Both Mark Twain and Jeff Gannon are pen names. I don't think there's any other similarity.

[Catsy]

Of course there is. They're both male! And human! Well, Twain was, anyway.