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January 28, 2004

Comments

God bless, von.

Thanks.

Our thoughts and prayers, of course; if there's anything that we can do, please let us know.

Like Moe said. This was beautifully written, I'm glad I got a chance to read it. "I don't care if you're right" is a line for the ages.

I used to spend every summer in Maine in Acadia National Park--probably not far from that summer house. And my sister almost went to college at Clark.

Von,

I was going to write about losing my Dad a couple of years ago because your post reminded me so much about it, but...

...suffice to say I can feel your pain. I don't have any sage advice or perfect words of comfort as I learned they don't really exist, but the thoughts and gestures do really count. So you are in my thoughts and prayers.

Thanks, all. (My thoughts and prayers with you, too, Macallan.)

Katherine -- The cabin is about 10 minutes from Schoonic Pennisula, which is a part of Acadia (most of Acadia is on Mount Desert Island, but part of Schoonic is designated as parkland as well.)

Von-

My condolences. I recently lost my grandmother, so I think I understand how you feel.

The hardest thing about losing someone like that is that they've been a part of your life for so long that you feel like they'll be around forever. Of course they won't, but it's still a hard slap in the face from Reality.

Von,

I wish meaningful, reaffirming moments between you and your grandmother as you go through this with her.

I must have "matured" somewhat in the past few years...because when I first lost someone close to me I was so violently angry...at God, at the doctors, even at the person who left me...it seemed an unforgivable abandonment and the fact that I couldn't do anything to bring them back sent me into a rage.

It's happened so frequently lately, though, that I've realized my role for my family is to be the strong one...the guardian, so to speak, and that doesn't allow me any time to be angry. Odd as it sounds, having the role really makes it more bearable. No less sad, but somewhat less painful.

Having said that, the only thing I've learned for sure over the past few years is that there's no right or wrong way to grieve...each person should be given the room and latitude to handle a loss in the way that they need to.

God bless; your grandmother sounds like a truly amazing person.

My sympathies, von. About ten years ago I lost my grandmother to Lou Gehrig's Disease, and was there in the room with her watching as she passed.

Von,
There is living, and living well. It sounds like your grandmother lived an extrodinary life, and will end it with no regrets.

Make sure you know what her wishes are on how she wants to end to be. Families are much more comfortable when these desicions are made ahead of time. To often, I see families lost and distressed while loved ones linger on ventilators or ending life with chest compressions and emergency drugs because no one asked the right questions. You have my condolences and best wishes during this difficult time.

von,

beautiful, sad.

stay strong.

My condolences, Von. Take care.

I'll have to keep an eye out for that portrait next time I'm at the library.

Thanks, all. And good advice. I'm trying to cherish the time that's left, but, well, distance, work, crap -- there's never enough time. There's no way not to feel guilty or wrong or undone about something.

I'll have to keep an eye out for that portrait next time I'm at the library.

It's a white-haired fellow, seated, with a relatively-strange first name. (I should say that I haven't actually seen the portrait in a couple years, so I'm not sure where it's hanging.)

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