Not too long ago, the irrepressible Moe Lane said in these (virtual) pages, "So, if you show up at this site after experiencing a holiday horror story (waving hand grandly) feel free to tell it here."
It was a good idea. It was a great idea. It was the kind of idea that might lead to peace in the Middle East, goodwill towards men, and the Indianapolis Colts beating the Denver Broncos.
There was one problem, however. We got no comments. None. No one wanted to share their holiday horror stories with us. (And the Broncos beat the Colts, gosh-darnit.)
It took me all night and a fifth of Beefeater gin, but I think I've finally figured out why. Moe, gentle soul that he is, admonished our readership "to limit the profanity." Sorry, that simply will not do. One cannot tell a holiday horror story and "limit the profanity." Many holiday horror stories consist of nothing but profanity.
So, I'm unilaterally relaxing the posting rules for this thread only.* Consider this your gratuitous profanity holiday open thread. Since I'm an anal-retentive lawyer jerk, however, I'll ask that you obey the following rules:
(1) Do not limit yourself to past events. Is your mother trying to convert your Jewish boyfriend to Catholicism at this very moment? Post on it. Did your Aunt just refer to your goyish girlfriend as "that shiksa"? We want to know. Has Uncle Bob appeared at another Christmas morning breakfast in his boxer shorts with the fly is wide open? Every detail, friends.
(2) Do not use real names or characteristics that will easily identify your subject. Why? Google. You don't want your remarks to come back and haunt you (or us) as a result of some ill-advised, post-holiday egoGoogling. Now is also not the time to discover that extra-randy poster "DrEXXXtasy" is your father or that super-bitch "Lorax84" is great aunt Thelma. So a little self-restraint is needed. Remember: we cannot (and will not) monitor the comments section in real-time.
(3) Use of the "curse" words "biotch," "effing," and "shite" is forbidden. Really, people: curse like adults.
(4) No ad hom against other posters. We're all in this together, folks. (This rule does not apply to ad homs against unrepresented friends, family members, and loved ones, of course.)
And away we go . . . . .
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