by Doctor Science
The real problems with tolerance are the categories Batocchio accurately labels "Smug Hipster Assholes" and "Friendly but Misguided Authoritarians". The FMAs are much nicer people than the SHAs, more pleasant to be around, and can be wonderfully helpful and caring when you have a direct, personal problem. In contrast, even when they're on your side the SHAs can be so annoying you just want to punch them in the face.
Dismantling a system of intolerance means that you will, at some point, hurt the feelings of some nice FMAs -- and what's worse, some SHAs will rejoice when you do.
But I don't think there's any way around that. There really is such a thing as a system of intolerance or injustice. If that sounds too much like a deliberate conspiracy, think of it as a set of habits. We need habits to be able to get anything done, to save our brainpower and emotional energy for when they're actually needed. "A mind is a terrible thing to waste -- use yours sparingly".
So changing society means changing habits, and changing a system of intolerance means changing habits that were hurting some people, and getting into the habit of doing things that hurt them less.
But this means that a bunch of FMAs are going to learn that they've been thoughtlessly hurting people -- and because they're nice, kind people, this will make them feel bad. Because they're authoritarians, learning that they've been wrong will make them feel *especially* bad -- because part of being authoritarian is that you have trouble with the idea that you (and the people you look up to) have made mistakes.
Maybe the way to persuade the FMAs to not cling to their habitual intolerance is to make it personal, to appeal to their natural niceness. Not, "you have to put up with gay marriage because society is changing, and because it's right", but "you've been hurting these people without meaning to, and now you have a chance to be nice to them instead." "Do it because it's kind" is more likely to appeal to kind people than "do it because it's right".