by Eric Martin
"Happy Hollidays" is all well and good for the foot soldiers in the War on Christmas - the canon fodder if you will. But the Special Forces types, us Atheist Seals, we opt for "Season's Greetings." "Why?" asks you, the expendable grunt wasting away in the trenches on the front line. Because, private, while Happy Holidays may in fact serve to sap the resources and manpower of Christmas, it does so by encouraging respect for other faiths and through a spirit of inclusiveness in terms of other religious holidays.
Hence the victory is incomplete. Season's Greetings, on the other hand, is pure as snow in its secular simplicity. Like saying "Stupendous Summer" or "Fanciful Fall." In short, it can effectively be drained of any and all religious connotation.
So it is my friends that while Bill O'Reilly and his Christmas Counterinsurgents are taking aim at the Happy Holidays Horde pushing against them in a frontal assault, we truly perfidious liberals will sneak behind enemy lines with a secret weapon so insidious, so potent as to ensure the final and total victory of...oh, who am I kidding.
Happy Holidays, Season's Greetings and Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good night!