Losing Makes You Write Better!

by hilzoy

It's true! Here's some evidence:

Exhibit A: Jonah Goldberg:

"How Bush Should Handle Loss

I think James Baker and Dick Cheney should take Bush out to the woods around Camp David. After 24 hours in a sweat lodge, he should be given only a loin cloth, a hunting knife and a canteen of water. Bush should then set out to track and kill a black bear, after which he should eat its still beating heart so he can absorb its spirit. He should then fly back to Washington in Marine 1. His torso still scratched from the bear's claws, his face bloodied and steaming in the November chill, he should immediately give a press conference at which he throws the bearskin on the front row of the press corps, completely enveloping Helen Thomas, declaring, "I'm not going anywhere."

This will send important messages to Democrats and well as to our enemies overseas, who are no doubt high-fiving as we speak."

Who would have suspected that Jonah Goldberg was capable of writing something that was actually funny?

Exhibit B: Thomas (at RedState) on the new RNC Chair:

"We could have had a promising up-and-comer with a great life story, fantastic political skills, and odds-on-sharps like you wouldn't believe.

We could have had a dirty machine politico, who may make us all cringe a little at what he's willing to countenance, but who is used to the odd knifefight with a K-Bar and a rusty razor, and who could help us work our way back into the majority.

We could have had a lobotomized sea lion, who would at least know to bark to get some kind of fish on command.

Ladies and gentlemen, I give you the next best thing (by a little) to making Kevin Phillips the new RNC Chair: Bonehead Martinez. Yes, that's right, Bonehead, who with a five-point Bush win in trending-Red Florida at his back, barely managed to beat one of the more anodyne, bland Democrats to run for the Senate outside of Massachusetts; Bonehead, who managed to take a dicey political situation in the Terri Schiavo affair and make himself into a Google search result; Bonehead, who if asked to eat eggs over easy and shave at the same time, would end up with shiny whites and yolk smeared in fork-tine streaks across his face; Bonehead is going to be the RNC Chair."

I am dumbfounded. I am speechless.

I really liked the sea lion.

As a sort of sad counterpoint, consider the writings of Chad Castagana, the jerk who was just arrested for mailing fake anthrax to Nancy Pelosi, Charles Schumer, Keith Olbermann, Jon Stewart, and David Letterman. Via Digby, this peculiar screed:

"With the passing away of Lexx ends an intriguing albeit smarmy experiment in sci-fantasy. One that breaks with conventions, or should I say, cliches of TV sci-fi of the '90s. The politically correct pabulum, the multicultural indoctrination, the Bladerunner motifs, and not the least—the steroid mutated superbabes that can punch the lights out of men, but never get punched back in return!?

How about creating a new sci-fi anthology with none of the puerile baggage of Rod Serling, Gene Roddenberry, Rockne O' Bannon, etc., etc. It is time to end their reign of Left-wing innuendo, their anti-American, anti-mankind cynicism and fatalism.

Let us create a future of infinite possibilities devoid of the agenda of the social engineers who work their corruption on us through the one-way world of television (kind of how the liberal-left have always worked). A world where anything is possible but not everything is possible. Anything can happen, but not all things can happen at once. That is what time is for, to keep all things from happening at the same moment. That shall be the only rule of our new fantasy world. That an event happens only once. What has been done, cannot be undone. There is no turning back the sands of time. You can review the past but you cannot change the past. That a vision of a possible future, to the present, must be taken in the context of the present. A cosmos not governed by compassion or tolerance or equality, but common sense and merit. A universe of strange and totally new lifeforms and not distorted reflections of human characters in our present world, just to make some social allegory—that is the insipid barren road of Political Correctness that sci-fi entertainment has been a slave to for so many years.

The future is not the current events of our world thrown into outer space. The future is not with the Liberals, not with the Multiculturalists (both hate America), and it is certainly not to be found in Canada! The future is not written, the future is unformed."

I don't know about you, but I prefer barren roads to roads from which lush forests are sprouting -- all that greenery makes it hard to drive. And I definitely prefer unpunched women to the alternative.

Here's one of Mr. Castagana's less well known works:

"Dear Mr. Adelman

I have been looking for this title of this 1992 film for years. It is based on the Riverside/Lake Elsinore Serial Killings. The murderer did the favor of dumping one of his victims near where they were filming this movie in Corona, CA. Maybe the director, Jim McBrearity, never released it. The film is a semi-sequel to SORORITY GIRLS AND THE CREATURE FROM HELL (1991), both starring Debra Dutch.

Chad Castagana"

I have been trying to imagine in what state of mind one would be so much as tempted to spend years looking for a "semi-sequel" to Sorority Girls and the Creature from Hell. Normally I have a pretty decent imagination, but this time, it failed me.

(Note: there is speculation that this person wrote at Free Republic under a different name. The freeper posted one of Castagana's pieces as if it were his own; in addition, they share several obsessions, like Katherine Harris. (Yikes!) Also, neither can write his way out of a paper bag. Further than that, I decline to speculate, which is why I haven't linked to it.)

Other than all of this: open thread.

Comments

[Josh]

The Bizarro World quote is pretty awesome. OTOH, Cella's prose style seems to have weathered last Tuesday unaltered, so clearly there's more work to be done.

[Ara]

Is that a correct use of 'anodyne'?

[Anarch]

On a sci-fi related note: Battlestar Office-ica.

Similarly (this one stolen from Making Light): the real reason Christopher Eccleston left Doctor Who.

Oh, and finally, a game we can all enjoy: Fantasy Congress.

[Bernard Yomtov]

There is no turning back the sands of time

What about when I flip an hourglass?

[Pooh]

I'm glad I'm not the only one who found Jonah's "Legend of W's Fall" piece to be hi-larious

[Ugh]

RE: Thomas. Yes that's certainly better than this little ditty:

I repeat: Should the entire American Left fall over dead tomorrow, I would rejoice, and order pizza to celebrate. They are not my countrymen; they are animals who happen to walk upright and make noises that approximate speech. They are below human. I look forward to seeing each and every one in Hell.

[julian]

As it's an open thread, can anyone tell me why the site is called "obsidian wings"?

[Bernard Yomtov]

can anyone tell me why the site is called "obsidian wings"?

Yes. I'm sure someone can.

Next question?

[hilzoy]

I think it had something to do with a game the founder liked to play. Which game? Why obsidian, and not quartz pr sapphire or alabaster? Wouldn't wings made of stone be kind of self-defeating? We don't know the answers to these questions. We only work here, and at least the royal we likes the mystery of it all.

[Anarch]

In an OT vein, is it just me or is blogspot down?

[Ara]

Obsidian Wings: Like buffalo wings, only for the rock-eating peoples.

[Model 62]

Obsidian Wings: Like concrete wings, but shinier.

[hilzoy]

Obsidian Wings: like obsidian shards, but flappier!

[Bernard Yomtov]

Wouldn't wings made of stone be kind of self-defeating? We don't know the answers to these questions.

That one at least I would think you would know the answer to. (It's "yes").

is it just me or is blogspot down?

Skip taking your Prozac again, Anarch?

[Keir]

How about creating a new sci-fi anthology with none of the puerile baggage of Rod Serling, Gene Roddenberry, Rockne O' Bannon, etc., etc. It is time to end their reign of Left-wing innuendo, their anti-American, anti-mankind cynicism and fatalism.

It'd help if he called the genre the same thing that most people who read and edit anthologies call it, but that is a little nitpicky.

Anyway, I quite agree with TNH

It is kind of sad, because he is missing out on some of the best books ever written. SF when you'll only ever read Heinlein (but not Stranger in a Strange Land!) is a sad, sad place.

[Ara]

Obsidian Wings: like the West Wing, but made out of something that makes the White House look like Kaaba (maybe something from a paranoid right-wing Muslim invasion narratives, where the White House an extreme makeover).

[hilzoy]

When Freepers attack the English language:

"Number of killed unborn Americans by Liberals is much bigger then number of American soldiers killed in all wars. That is why Liberals are a Terrorists. They are cruel, without mercy and any human or ethical values. Conservative Americans made big mistake that they allowed these evil demons to control US government. They did not come to resolve any problems, but they came to create more problems because they are a terrorists. Only blood can satisfy them because these are a demons with unclean spirits and they will punish all American Patriots for making their best efforts to protect this country from terrorism. Our President and Vice President are now left alone to fight terrorism. Liberals will made their best effort to destroy them, place them in jail or kill them if they can so that they can place their Socialist Queen New Speaker Pelosi on the throne as a President of USA. Liberals know that this is their last chance for their Communist Revolution before 2008 Election. That is why President Bush, Vice President Cheney and all American patriots are now in grave danger because Demons wants blood of the innocent and pure hearted, they want human sacrifice for their master - Satan."

First comment on thread: "Satan + Liberals....I'll go for that."

[KCinDC]

Stephen Colbert is trying to talk McCain out of committing suicide (over the air -- McCain isn't on the show).

[hilzoy]

On reflection, what I really don't get about that freeper post is this sentence:

"That is why President Bush, Vice President Cheney and all American patriots are now in grave danger because Demons wants blood of the innocent and pure hearted"

Why would that pose any danger to Bush and Cheney?

[Jay C]

So was Chad Castagana happy, or was he pissed off at the demise of "Lexx"? Personally, I miss it - it was a sort of apotheosis* of Bad TV Sci-Fi: heavy on cheap, gaudy FX, sophomoric double-entendres, and definitely going for the space-superbabe thing. And featuring numerous Canadian TV actors one rarely found anywhere else! I can see getting ticked at its cancellation (about 4 years late, but what the hey...) - but enough to risk jail for faux-terrorism? Maybe he expects a visit from Eva Habermann...??

* I'm sure this isn't the right use of the term.

[hilzoy]

apotheosis: being transformed into a god; deification. Possible substitute here: reductio ad absurdum.

This has been a message from the annoying teacher part of my brain.

[Katherine]

Oops. I can't post--can some moderator delete my previous attempt?

Just to keep everyone posted:

Legal immigrants who the gov't deems to be "enemy combatants" do not have any right to habeas corpus, because they are not U.S. citizens. The fact that they are detained in South Carolina is irrelevant.

U.S. citizens detained in Iraq do not have any right to habeas corpus because they are being detained by a "multinational force" (although that force is commanded by a U.S. general and is directly subordinate to the U.S. Central Command, the Secretary of Defense, and the President). The fact that they are U.S. citizens is irrelevant.

[Anarch]

So was Chad Castagana happy, or was he pissed off at the demise of "Lexx"?

I have to say, I really loved the non-Earth seasons of Lexx. [The Earth ones, not so much.] And pretty much for the reasons you elucidated: Bad TV Sci-Fi unafraid of pushing, well, any limits. What's not to like?

[Katherine]

on a lighter note: sorry, Fantasy Congress looks kind of lame. But it made me realize how much fun Sim Congress could be, designed right.

[Jesurgislac]

Obsidian Wings: if volcanic glass was chicken.

[Jeff Eaton]

Only blood can satisfy them because these are a demons with unclean spirits and they will punish all American Patriots for making their best efforts to protect this country from terrorism.

Back in the day, I worked as the webmaster for a large-ish church in the midwest. Normally that involved mucking around with ASP pages and performance tuning my ugly code, but occasionally something controversial would be said by a pastor and email to 'webmaster@thatchurch.com' would pour in.

A few months before I left, President Clinton made a brief stop and chatted with the pastor; it was a brave move considering his reputation in Evangelical circles after the Lewinski stuff. And my, oh my did the email pour in. One of the memorable standouts was a four page missive from a gentleman who demanded to know why the pastor hadn't asked the difficult questions. Specificlly, why was the President allowing the Justice Department to use mind-control devices on the man? Why had their theft of Motown (his rightful property) gone unpunished? And why was the FBI being allowed to conspire with doctors to 'frame' him for schizophrenia?

President Clinton had an awful lot to answer for.

I'm struck by the similarity in tone and content to a few of those quoted pieces above; it's kind of scary what a completely insulated conceptual echo-chamber results in...

[KCinDC]

Jeff, you should look at the site the quotes were taken from (linked from the freeper page -- I'm not going to link to it here for fear that it will summon the author). Schizophrenia was my first thought.

[Fraser]

That is what time is for, to keep all things from happening at the same moment. That shall be the only rule of our new fantasy world. That an event happens only once. What has been done, cannot be undone. There is no turning back the sands of time. You can review the past but you cannot change the past. That a vision of a possible future, to the present, must be taken in the context of the present."

Words fail me, my lord. The defendant throws himself on the mercy of the court and pleads guilty to the crime of unadulterated gibberish.

[Slartibartfast]

Jeff, you should look at the site the quotes were taken from

Google "Rafael Brom" for a wide-angle view.

I've got no problem with religion, being religious myself, but I think there's a line across which public religiosity becomes what I consider unseemly display, and Brom's crossed that a few light-years back.

[Sebastian Holsclaw]

"One of the memorable standouts was a four page missive from a gentleman who demanded to know why the pastor hadn't asked the difficult questions. Specificlly, why was the President allowing the Justice Department to use mind-control devices on the man? Why had their theft of Motown (his rightful property) gone unpunished? And why was the FBI being allowed to conspire with doctors to 'frame' him for schizophrenia?"

I asked those questions. You must have somehow been prevented from hearing that part of the interview.

Yes, I know you can't use that answer with a real schizophrenic. But whenever I hear paranoid arguments, I always want to respond like that. Hmm probably says something non-flattering about me.

[Ugh]

Andrew gets a link from Moe at Bizarro World, it takes 9 comments for Andrew to be called an idiot. Andrew shows up later in comments.

[Prodigal]

"Obsidian Wings" is an In Nomine reference. For a more detailed answer, look for the last time I answered the question. ;p

[Jesurgislac]

I see that Moe is still referring to himself as "The Fuzzy Puppy of the VRWC". That fuzzy puppy was cute, but fuzzy puppies grow up.

[Jesurgislac]

And, what I really dropped past the open thread to post about: the priority for all Democratic political leaders to press for open and honest elections: and to begin with, get rid of the hackable voting machines.

[KCinDC]

I'm a bit bothered by how Levin's "We cannot save the Iraqis from themselves" fits with the idea now popular among war supporters that it's the Iraqis' fault the war went badly.

[Gary Farber]

"I have been trying to imagine in what state of mind one would be so much as tempted to spend years looking for a 'semi-sequel' to Sorority Girls and the Creature from Hell. Normally I have a pretty decent imagination, but this time, it failed me."

I have to think you don't know any fans of grade C and Z movies; really, there are hundreds of thousands, if not more, people out there for whom that sort of thing is perfectly normal; they may have once subscribed to Famous Monsters of Filmland, or they may merely have been avid fans of Joe-Bob Briggs, or they may go to Fangoria conventions, or love director Stuart Gordon or early Sam Raimi and Bruce Campbell, or they may just haunt shops and online outlets looking for obscure pictures, because they had a ten second appearance for an entirely obscure -- but interesting! -- actor. I mean, I've known literally thousands of people who answer to your description.

And I'm not up for analyzing his points about tv/movie "sci-fi," but, really, what he had to say isn't all that out there; I've read plenty of similar screeds, both better-written and worse, from non-murderers, rightwing flakes though they might be. (And I suspect you don't recognize the "That is what time is for, to keep all things from happening at the same moment" quasiquote; am I wrong, in which case I apologize?)

On the other hand, while I'm not a fan of Jonah Goldberg, I've read more than enough of him over the years to know that he can be funny at times, and also that he's reasonably up on pop culture; I have the suspicion that he's possibly more familiar with science fiction than you are (not that that's a sin, to be sure -- I guess, hoho -- although it's possibly something to keep in mind when analyzing someone writing, even ramblingly so, about it).